Dancing On My Own
by coldplaywhore
Summary: She's displaced, uncertain and loathes living with her mother. Bella is surrounded on all sides by what she could become, but she just wants someone to tell her who she is. Rated M for the usual.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi There! Let's just say I need a smile in my day, and posting this will make me smile. For the foreseeable future it will post weekly on Wednesdays. It will be written completely in BPOV, since this is her story to tell, but there may be a few outtakes in EPOV that pop up every now and again. A huge thanks to MaggieMay14 for the beta job, Acinad816 and Risbee for the pre-read and constant encouragement, and to the ladies over on Facebook who convinced me to post this today. I also have a banner made by the lovely Georgia Leonard over on my FB page if you want to check it out. I'm Coldplaywhore Words over in that little world.**

**I don't own Twilight. I just like to mess with the characters for shits & giggles. For Delta Bella - It's National Sea Monkey Day! For Stephanie - this is for Alice.**

* * *

I tap away anxiously on my MacBook and see my mother pace around her apartment, which makes me just as nervous. She's talking quietly on her cell phone and keeps darting her eyes towards me, which makes me assume that she is discussing me, but I could be wrong. When she finally stares long enough and then steps out onto her balcony, I know my thoughts are valid. She's clearly saying something I don't want to hear and that is something new for Renee Swan.

Especially considering how often I have heard my mother have sex, it's amazing there is anything she doesn't want to share with me. She's never been particularly bright when it came to things that may make me uncomfortable. She pees with the door open, smokes pot like she needs it to breathe and she openly discusses her sex life with me. None of this bothers me, except for the last one, since she's twenty years my senior and has a more active libido than I do.

Hell, when I got my period when I was 11, my mother proceeded to announce how proud she was during a dinner party with all of her quirky artist friends in attendance. I was utterly mortified, but Renee didn't get why. She just assumed that this was something everyone wanted to hear. I chocked it up to the fact that she doesn't have a verbal filter.

I shut down my laptop and make my way into the kitchen to grab myself a bottle of water, as my anxiety has also made me parched. I've got half of it finished before Renee comes back into the apartment, her cell phone closed and a worrisome look upon her face.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Renee's lies are easy to spot. "What do you think something is wrong?"

"Cause you have the worst poker face ever. Is this difficult for you… living with me again? I know it's a big adjustment, but I promise you as soon as I find a job, I am out of here." I stumble over my words because I'm nervous that Renee is going to tell me I have to move out.

Sure, I'm not exactly excited about the fact that I had to move back into my mother's apartment in TriBeCa, but it could have been worse. I could have decided not to take her up on her offer and I could be living in a mission or selling my body for Pop-Tarts or Starbucks. Of course, if I had to choose between the two I would pick the Pop-Tarts, hands down.

In hindsight, it's kind of amazing how much I took for granted while I was a student. I had student loans or scholarships to cover all of my expenses. I could focus on my studies and party with my friends on the regular. But the moment I graduated, it was like the rug was pulled out from underneath me.

Suddenly, I have to repay these formerly desirable loans and move from Massachusetts back to New York with my mother. Then, I got dumped by my boyfriend Marcus via a text message, when he decided he wanted to go find himself… at Burning Man. I always knew that Marcus wasn't long term material, but we certainly had fun while it lasted. However, I did expect him to at least express some concern when I told him I was moving home. Instead, I got a text message that read 'Burning Man... finding myself... have a nice life.' I never knew a text could be so callous.

When I called Alice to tell her of his decision, she immediately got defensive. "He's been in college for four years, he couldn't find himself then?" Those words hit home for me since, I had been at BU for four years too, and other than my diploma and a YouTube page with 3,000 hits on it, I had nothing to show for it all. To add insult to injury, I was living with my flaky artist mother again and she clearly didn't want me here. I enjoyed the freedom I had at college, and now it feels like I was cramping her style and she was watching me 24/7. I think I had more freedom at 15 when Renee spent weeks locked away in her studio painting nudes of herself, only taking breaks to nibble on Cheetos and smoke up.

"Ok, Renee, there must be something wrong. You are acting shifty."

"It's just..."

"Oh spit it out already! I'm a grown woman; surely I can handle whatever you have to say." Please don't kick me out. I don't have a cardboard box at my disposal. Well, not one big enough to live in.

"I forgot, but I invited Garrett and a few other friends over for dinner tonight and well..."

"You want me to make myself scarce?"

"Would you mind?" Renee wraps her fingers around her hair, much like a 1980's valley girl and I notice her nails are painting electric blue. This is one of those moments when I wonder when my mother became less mature than me.

"I'm sure I can go spend the night with Alice, but can I ask one thing?" Renee nods as she takes my empty bottle and recycles it. She believes she is doing something wonderful for the environment, but her efforts would be ten times better if she simply stopped buying individual water bottles and invested in a Brita or something like that. "Does Garrett know how old you are?"

Renee looks completely aghast at my insinuation that she has been anything but truthful to her latest boy-toy. I am relatively certain that he is a few years older than me, so if he found out that Renee was my mother, and not my sister like she has claimed, things could easily go south between them. Renee knows this, too.

"Garrett knows I'm in my thirties, Bella."

"Oh, so he hasn't seen your drivers' license?"

"No one has. I haven't owned a car in five years. What do I need a license for?"

"I.D.?"

"I have a perfectly valid passport."

"Has he seen that yet?" I ask, a smile forming in the corner of my lips as my mother grows even more frustrated. Sometimes she is like a child about to have a tantrum and I can't help but stoke the fires. "Forget about it, but next time I see him I may just slip and call you Mom."

"You never call me that. Ever since you were ten and realized that Mom wasn't my actual name, you stopped referring me to like that." She was right, but it didn't mean I didn't refer to her like that sometimes; it was mainly in my own head.

"I was mature for my age, what can I say?"

"So... you're at Alice's tonight?"

"Yeah, either that or panhandling for money in Times Square." Renee gives me a sour look, no doubt because she's growing tired of my sarcasm, but I smile happily in return. "Just... don't let anyone touch anything in my room, alright?"

Renee pulls me into an awkward hug and when we split, I walk towards my bedroom, grateful that she didn't ask more of me. I can handle a night out at Alice's, but my only problem is whether or not she will be home. When I call her cell, it instantly goes to voicemail and I begin to beg her to spend the night with me.

"Ali, it's me... my mom is throwing a pseudo orgy tonight with her boy toy and I've been kicked out of the apartment. I'm begging you to let me come over, otherwise I will sit in the hallway and try not to listen to the sounds of bodies slapping against each other and groans of what apparently passes as pleasure to her friends." Okay, so I am stretching the truth slightly, but Alice hates discussing sex in all forms. She loves to have it, but don't ask her to discuss it. Hell, don't even mention the word vagina. She clams up... pun intended.

It's not even five minutes after I hang up that I receive a text message from her telling me that I am evil and insisting that if I am spending the night at her place, then we are going out. I groan loudly as I approach the box currently housing my fancier clothes and begin to rummage through it. There's a few things left from college that I could consider redeemable, so I text her back and agree to meet her at her apartment at eight.

I have 3 hours to make myself mildly attractive, but instead I sit down and flip open my laptop, writing down a few notes that might one day make it into a screenplay.

I am a college graduate.

I am a best friend.

I am single.

I am a daughter (or sister, depending on who you ask)

I am unemployed.

I am stuck.

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**As an aside, I am also participating as a professor as part of this summer's Smut University, hosted by Project Team Beta. Other authors participating include BellaFlan, Yellowglue, TeamSmella23, SexyLexiCullen and more. Make sure you head on over to their website and sign up!**

**See you next Wednesday!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Your response to my little stories astounds me. I'd give you each of a hug if I wasn't scared of cooties. LOL. A huge thanks to MaggieMay14 for the beta job, Acinad816 and Risbee for the pre-read and constant encouragement and love. For a little inspiration for this whole story check out the song 'Dancing On My Own' by Robyn. It's catchy as fuck. **

**I don't own Twilight. This shit is mine though.**

* * *

It's just after eight when I knock on the door of my best friend, Alice Brandon's, apartment. She lives a few blocks east of my mother's place in a rent controlled one-bedroom that used to belong to her grandmother. When Nana Brandon was placed in a retirement home last year, Alice took over and didn't bother to tell the landlords of the change. It was the only way to get a clean, yet small, apartment anywhere in Manhattan for under fifteen hundred a month.

That was another reason I was living with my mother again; rent was astronomical. If it wasn't for the fact that my mother bought our place outright in the early 90's, we wouldn't be able to afford it either.

"Listen Slagathor, you better be dressed for a night out," Alice yells as she wrenches the door open and gives me a once over, appraising the skirt and tank top I've got on. "Ugh, you'll do."

"Why so passive aggressive, Brando?" I question as I push my way. No doubt I was annoying her by calling her one of her childhood nicknames, but thankfully Alice can take it.

"Shut it, Swan."

"I thought I listened to your instructions pretty well. I don't look like a hobo, right?" Alice shrugs her shoulders and gives me a tiny smile, which means she is actually impressed that I look decent enough to bang. Not that I am looking for anything right now, after Mr. Burning Man fucked me over.

"No, I suppose not." I look over towards her tiny kitchen and I see that Alice has already started the party without me. There are various bottles of liquor lined up, but it's the rum I'm eyeing up. "So, what's with Renee today? And don't tell me she's having a… thingy."

"An orgy, Alice. You can say it. In fact, I think you should give it a try… or-gy." I've been trying to encourage Alice for years to get over her fear of discussing sex, to no avail. In fact, I wish I knew who drilled it into her mind and then I want to beat the crap out of them with a sack full of door knobs, because it sucks not being able to discuss sex with your best friend.

"I'm sure I can say it, Bella. It doesn't mean I want to."

"One day Alice, you will sit down and blab all about your sex life. You will have absolutely mind-blowing sex with some guy who makes your toes curl and your vag cry out in surrender. You will say words like vagina," I laugh as Alice cringes beside me as she pours herself another drink and doesn't offer me one. "You might even say pussy or dick or blow job too. Hell, you could say clitoris, and I will be so proud of you that I might even shed a tear or two."

Alice closes her eyes in sheer embarrassment and makes her way over to her favorite red velvet chair, which she found on the curb outside of her building I might add, and glares at me. I stick my tongue out at her and make myself a rum and coke, that is more rum than coke, before I sit across from her.

"So, Renee…?"

"She's having Garrett and some friends over tonight, which means I need to look like the constantly busy and never home sister instead of the too broke and lazy to go out and find a job daughter." I let out a small sigh as Alice gives me a sympathetic glance. Luckily for her, she has never had these problems. Her parents have been married for over thirty years and she has a younger brother, Alec, and a younger sister, Afton. They are an actual family unit, rather than a lie made up to make their mother someone that she isn't. I may be a little envious of her.

"So she thinks she's still in her thirties right? I swear your mother is like Benjamin Button. Every time I see her, she insists she is younger and younger." Alice and I both laugh loudly and take a sip of our drinks. "Garrett must be dumb as a stump to believe her. I mean, she has crows' feet for god sake."

"She told me last night she was thinking of having some work done," I continue to laugh as Alice quirks her eyebrows at me. "She was thinking an eye lift and a breast enlargement." Alice shudders at the word breast, because even that squicks her out, but then her eyes grow wide and she smiles from ear to ear. "Although, I don't know why the breasts. Maybe Garrett likes big knockers, but I don't think they are tiny."

"Don't they say that more than a handful is a waste?" Alice questions as she looks down at her own, rather small, chest with a frown.

"Oh don't you start. You don't need a boob job either. They are perfectly fine and perky." I notice Alice recoil again because now we are specifically talking about her tits and she can't handle that either. I quickly wonder how the hell Alice passed anatomy class when she probably wouldn't have looked at any of the books.

"Guess who I saw out on Hudson today?"

"If you say you saw Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow, I may stab you. You always see the good celebrities."

"Bethenny Frankel," Alice replies excitedly, her hands practically shaking, as I look at her confused.

"Who?"

"Bethenny Frankel. She was on The Real Housewives of New York and The Celebrity Apprentice." Alice's face is one of disbelief, like she can't believe I don't know who this person is, but it's true. Considering I'd one day like to be a documentary filmmaker, I didn't watch a lot of TV in college, and I certainly didn't watch the Real Housewives of anything. "She's a real celebrity. Did you like live under a rock while you were at school. Did BU not have cable?"

"Whatever Alice. Don't blame me for not knowing apparent celebrities. Remember, the time you thought you saw Jay-Z and he turned out to be a pizza delivery guy?"

"Okay, so I got that one wrong, but it was kinda dark outside," Alice concedes as I laugh at her once more and I watch as she glances at the clock. "I want to go over to the Canal Room. If we catch a cab now, we won't have too long to wait before we're let in. Are you ready to go?" I nod and down the rest of my drink, happy to have a little liquid luck to get through the rest of the night.

* * *

It's just after ten when our cab finally pulls up in front of the club, ironically enough located on Canal. There's a line up outside the bar, but when Alice approaches and slips the guy her phone number on a small scrap of paper, he's quick to let us in.

"Care to tell me what is going on there?" I question as we weave through the throngs of people and approach the bar. Alice winks at the bartender and we both order a shot of Jack Daniels before we settle in with another round of rum and cokes. While Alice flirts unabashedly with the handsome bartender, I scan the room, scoping out the Asian inspired design, but also looking out for anyone I would know from the neighborhood.

As it turned out, a lot of our classmates didn't stray far when they went away to college. A lot of them preferred to attend NYU or Columbia, so it was considered odd when I up and went to BU. 'Why would I even want to leave Manhattan?' Alice had asked when I told her where I had applied. There was no real decision for me. I wanted to go somewhere new. Plus, I had learned my dad was from Boston, so I may have had an ulterior motive. Not that it did me any good. I still have no information on that front.

When Alice turns back towards me, I can't help but feel somewhat slighted and now I am thinking about my dad again, which is never good. "Are you done?"

"Yeah, I was just being nice. It got us in the club and half price drinks, didn't it?"

"So then what did you do with my ten?" I ask as I narrow my eyes and Alice grins.

"Well, he needed a tip," she replies casually before she grabs her drink with one hand and pulls me away from the bar with her other. I'm quickly running low on cash so that ten dollars was supposed to get me more than one drink. I'm growing more flustered. "By the way, there is nothing going on with the doorman, though not for lack of his trying."

We stop in front of a table that is currently being vacated, and wait to claim it. When we do finally sit down, I realize I have been thinking hard about where I know the bouncer from. "He looks a little familiar."

"That's because it's Eric Yorkie. The last four years have been very kind to him."

"No shit," I say in surprise because she is very right. We went to school with Yorkie and he was very lanky and thin. Hell, even Alice could have taken him in a fight and she's all of five foot nothing and 100 pounds soaking wet. "So, did you guys hook up? He was always kinda sweet back in high school."

"No, we haven't hooked up, yet. I told him to call me though. I mean… I could do worse than Eric Yorkie, right?" I laugh as I think of Marcus, because I had definitely done worse than Yorkie. I could only hope that Alice didn't have on rose-colored glasses where he was concerned. Sure, he was great in high school, but he had clearly changed, and gained about 60 pounds of muscle since I saw him last. I had to hope that the positive changes didn't go to his head.

I sit with my friend, shooting the shit about absolutely nothing of consequence, and I realize just how much I missed by moving away for college. Sure, BU had been a great opportunity and I loved it, but I was definitely missing my better half in Alice while I was gone.

"On Monday, I am seriously going to start looking for a job," I tell Alice as she nods her head in agreement. "I know I said that last week, but I really need to find something. I'm hemorrhaging money and you aren't helping any."

"They are hiring in housekeeping at the hotel," Alice tells me as I picture all those specials on TV where they reveal what really happens in hotel rooms. I grimace at Alice as she mentions other jobs she knows are available in her hotel. Alice currently works part-time as a front desk clerk at the Sheraton in our neighborhood. She insists its decent money, but I know her parents help supplement her finances because they want her to finish with her degree in psychology at NYU. I'm not afforded this luxury. Renee insists that since I am now 21, and a college graduate, I can handle myself.

"Oh... Forks is hiring."

Hmmm… this has possibilities, I muse to myself. Forks is a tiny diner two blocks from my apartment, right across from the NYPD precinct, and they have the best comfort food in the city. The downfall of getting hired there would be the twenty pounds I would inevitably put on since I adore their food. Oh, and I probably wouldn't get paid, since all my money would go to paying my own food bill.

"I'll think about it," I reply easily to Alice as I see a handsome man with copper colored hair in my line of sight and directly behind my friend and I grow silent, which is not like me at all.

"What, what is it?" Alice asks panicked. She glances over her shoulder and sees the same handsome man as me. He throws his head back and laughs, a big belly ache of a laugh, and I can feel my ovaries cry out. Yes, I'm overdramatic, but if you lived with Renee Swan, you would be too. "He's kinda cute."

Alice is far too casual about how handsome he is, but I'm not about to contradict her, so I just nod my head in agreement and fall back in line. I enjoy my night with my friend, all the while trying to decide just how to approach him.

Unfortunately for me, before I can gather up my nerve or figure out any plan that doesn't involve me falling onto his penis, preferably vagina first, he has already left with his friends.


	3. Chapter 3

**Apparently I'm not supposed to be able to post, but it works! My story, Room 15 was pulled this morning for having inappropriate content in the summary. You may have noticed other stories you like have been pulled too. It sucks. I'll live.  
**

**Enjoy the chapter! Thanks to my usual crew, MaggieMay14, Acinad816 and Risbee. They rule  
**

* * *

The next morning finds me passed out, face down, on Alice's old couch with my clothes from the night before still on. Alice is cheerily dancing about to Shake It Out by Florence and the Machine, while trying to make a pot of coffee.

"Well, good morning princess. How are you feeling?" she asks, her smile wide as I groan and roll over, covering my eyes with my arm.

"I feel like shit," I grumble as I attempt to sit up and wonder just how much I drank last night. "Why am I so fucking hungover and you are as perky as tits on a Playboy Playmate?"

"Cause I drank this," Alice announces as she holds up her blender which, honest to go, looks like it is filled with green chunky puke. "It's an ancient Chinese herbal remedy that my mother swears by." I stand up, albeit a bit wobbly, and approach Alice tentatively. The closer I get, the worse the smell is.

"How did you choke that shit back?" I ask, covering my mouth and keeping my distance.

"It smells worse than it tastes."

"That's what she said," I remark as Alice rolls her eyes and then offers to pour me a glass of her toxic concoction. "Before I even consider swallowing down this bile, what's in it?"

"Raw egg, lemon juice, tomato juice, wheatgrass, orange juice, some Tabasco sauce, honey and a bunch of other things. You can barely taste anything... really." I pinch my nose and grab the drink, anxiety and pure alcohol coursing through my veins. Alice raises her eyes and looks at me encouragingly as I throw caution to the wind and down the drink in one go. "See, that wasn't so bad, right?"

Not a minute later, I'm rushing into Alice's bathroom and puking my guts out while staring at her knitted ballerina toilet paper cover, which was clearly a leftover from Nana Brandon. "You are the devil, Alice. You didn't drink that shit, did you?"

"Well, I sort of did," Alice replies as she stands against the door jamb for her bathroom and smiles at me with ease. "Then I puked it up. I think it cleared all the booze of out of my system."

"You are a dumb cunt, Alice," I scream as she cringes at the mention of the c-word and walks away from me, laughter following a moment later.

With my hands gripping the turquoise floor mat and my stomach roiling, I realize that this is not how I saw my life after graduation.

It's just after two in the afternoon when I receive a text from my mother telling me I can come back to the apartment. Alice has already left for her shift at the hotel, so I've simply been making myself at home in her place, reading a trashy romance novel and munching on some rice cakes. Why she eats this shit, I'll never know. The girl could definitely stand to gain a few pounds.

I get back to the apartment and am not overly surprised to find Garrett there, dressed in a pair of low slung jeans and a ripped t-shirt. He thinks this look is attractive, but I have news for him, it doesn't work. At least not on him.

"Hey Little B." Garrett nods his head as I walk in and I roll my eyes at his nickname for me. I walk past; ignoring his existence as he loudly eats a bowl of Lucky Charms at the kitchen island. For a brief moment, I count myself lucky that my mother never stays with a man longer than a year, because Garrett truly bothers me. It's not that he doesn't seem to like my mother, because he does, but he also seems a few sandwiches short of a picnic. He's just...dumb.

I am almost into my room when I hear the clatter of his bowl in the sink and his thick voice fills the air. "Why don't you like me, B?" I sigh and toss my purse down on my bed before making my way back into the room. "I really like your sister, and I feel like... like she won't stick with me if we don't get along."

Poor misguided fool.

"Listen G-Dawg," I spit out, because yes, this is what he wants me to call him. "I don't not like you. It's just all sorts of complicated and I really think Renee and you have some...thing going on, and that's good for you. It's not my place to say whether you guys are meant for each other, or to give my approval." I'm rambling, which is my goal, since Garrett looks at me very confused. Sorta like I just handed him a Rubik's Cube and told him not to take off the stickers in his attempt to finish it. "How about we just leave it at that?"

"Oh... yeah... sure," he replies before breaking out into a big smile. "You're the best, B. Tell your sis that I left, alright?" I wave my hand easily at him and continue on, closing the door to my room before I groan and toss myself onto my futon. I hear the front door close and breath a small sigh of relief before something catches my attention out of the corner of my eye.

I approach my dresser anxiously and reach for a ruler to pull the offending item off of my lamp. "Renee," I shout out as I throw open my door and see my mother standing there looking confused.

"What is wrong, Bella?"

"What in the fuck is this?" I continue on screaming as I thrust the ruler, and the red lace thong, at my mother. "I told you no one was to go in my room. Why in the fuck do you have to have such freaky friends?"

"Oh..." Renee grimaces and shoves the panties in her pocket before offering me back the ruler. I throw it into the garbage can in my standard over dramatic fashion, and look at her incredulously.

"Please tell me those weren't yours."

"I plead the fifth."

"You can't just..." This is where reach my breaking point. I haven't been living with Renee long, but after years of being on my own in Boston, I simply cannot handle living with her any longer. However, without a job I'm shit out of luck.

I leave Renee standing in the hallway like a deer caught in the headlights, and then make my way to the bathroom. I shower quickly, trying to make myself look presentable and less like the hung over pile of crap I feel like. I dress in my most respectable clothes and print off a copy of my resume, not that I think it will be of any help.

If there is nothing else I can do at the moment, I can at least go apply for the waitress job at Forks. It has to be better than nothing, and I need some money to move out.

At four o'clock, I am sitting in a comfortable booth being stared at by the owners of Forks. The woman, Esme, has caramel colored hair and a gentle smile. She looks like someone's mom, and not one that could claim their daughter was their sister. Like an honest to goodness, makes Sunday dinners and wraps her own Christmas presents, kind of mom. Carlisle, with his salt and pepper hair and crooked grin can only be described as some sort of ILF. I have no idea who or what he is, but I would definitely... if he wasn't married, because I see that gold band on his finger, let him fuck me.

"You look familiar to me," Esme remarks sweetly as I see Carlisle glaring at my resume and no doubt seeing that I have no waitressing experience what so ever, unless you count waiting on Marcus cause he was a lazy fuck.

"Oh well... I live around the corner from here and I used to come in regularly, until I moved away to attend college. You guys make the best French toast in Manhattan." Esme blushes slightly at my compliment and I figure it can't hurt to butter her up a bit, right?

"So, Bella... your resume has no waitressing experience," Carlisle states, his voice a bit gruff. Clearly he is the boss around here and perhaps Esme is the chef? "We are a very busy restaurant and we would prefer someone who has been around the block a few times."

"Oh, I've been around the block." I am trying to be self-deprecating, but instead I come across as a slut as Esme and Carlisle both look at me shocked. I would have been better off if I had offered to bake a kitten or something. "I don't mean like that," I say with a wave of my hand, trying to brush off my stupidity. "I've helped my mom waitress at some of her parties and I'm a really great multi-tasker. I truly think I would be an asset, even if I do require a bit of training up front."

"Who is your mom?"

"Renee Swan. She's an artist based out of here." I want to roll my eyes at having to mention my mother's name, but from the reaction I get from Esme & Carlisle, I can see it's not that bad of a thing... for once.

"We know her work," Carlisle answers as I give him a small nod. A lot of people know my mother's work, and I know I should be proud of her for her success, but I am tired of being in Renee Swan's shadow. Esme gives Carlisle a small and a gentle nod towards me. "Listen, my wife here seems to think you may work out..."

"Well not really, unless you count all the stairs I do in my building. The elevator has been broken for like forever and...oh, you meant with the job, right?"

"Yes," Esme replies as Carlisle seems unimpressed by my randomness. I really need to think before I speak, especially if I will be dealing with the general public, some of whom are policeman. With my luck I would blurt out where Renee keeps her stash. "I'm willing to hire you; however, I think there should be a 1 month probationary period. If we don't think you are a good fit for Forks, we agree to part ways."

I nod slowly, because I don't want to admit that I'm worried things won't work out and I'll never have a place to eat French toast again. I mean, it's not like I can come in here to eat after being fired. I'm not strong enough for that and I would definitely do something stupid, like leave a piece of paper with the words 'Stop, Drop and Roll' as a tip, just to be petty. After all, they would have fired me.

I stop, realizing I have been given the job, and I need to stop dwelling on what could happen. I will, after all, be the best waitress they have ever seen.

"Can you start tomorrow?"

"Of course," I gush excitedly as a burly man, complete with a multi-colored bandana wrapped around his head and an apron, storms in.

"Hey... Ma, I need some mustard, we ran out." The man comes closer and Carlisle stands and holds his hand out towards me, like I am a prize on the Wheel of Fortune.

"Emmett, I'd like you to be Bella. She's the newest waitress here at Forks." I grin and wave politely at the man who looks like he could break me in half with barely a flick of his wrist. "Emmett, and our other son, Edward, run a Food Truck that you may have seen around the city." I look at Emmett's apron and notice that it reads 'The Brothers Burgers.'

"I've just moved back to the city after being away for a while, so I can't say I know it."

"Well, you are missing out," Esme gushes as she pinches Emmett's cheek and he blushes profusely. "Mustard is in the back storage room on the third shelf from the left. If you are going to work here, Bella, you will see my boys quite a bit."

"It's nice to meet you Emmett," I reply and he offers up the same before darting towards the back.

As I look outside, I can't help but notice the oversized green and blue truck with their name painted on the side. I also notice the guy standing beside the truck, looking oh so very handsome with his backwards ball cap and dirty apron, looks a lot like the guy from the bar the night before; the one who left a bit too early for my liking.

"That's Edward, out there," Esme points out with her hand on my shoulder. "You'll meet him soon enough, I'm sure."

Looks like working at Forks won't be so bad after all.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm currently in Vegas on vacation, and for the TwiFic Meetup, so this is coming now simply because I have internet access. Enjoy the update. In case you were wondering, I'm also posting this story over on twiwrite . net and am slowly posting all my stories over on archiveofourown . com My penname is the exact same at both locations as it is here. I'm always somewhere.  
**

The next morning, I arrive at Forks just after the breakfast rush like Esme requested. I had no idea how to style my hair, so I go with a ponytail and hope to god I don't get anything sticky in it, cause that always sucks with long hair. If it did happen, I might shave off the sides of my hair like I'm punk, though I'm not really. The last thing I bought on iTunes was the Tangled soundtrack because let me just say Zachary Levi… fucking delicious. I'd let Chuck fuck me anytime.

Before I walk in, I clear my mind of the dirty things I want Chuck Bartowski to do to me and I find Esme in the kitchen. I spend the first half hour filling out the paperwork for my first official job, and half an hour into it, I find my eyes crossing because everything is so new to me.

It's obvious I am completely out of my element and I'm thankful when Esme approaches me with a tall woman with long glossy black hair, pulled into a braid. Hmm…maybe the next day I work I will try to pull off the braid thing, but I might look a little too much like Katniss for my liking, and I don't have a bow to pull the look together.

"How is it going, Bella?"

"This is all kind of new to me, but I think I'm almost done."

"Great," Esme grins. "This is Rebecca Black and you are going to be shadowing her today."

"Rebecca Black huh? I didn't like that Friday song you had. Talk about overplayed," I laugh as Rebecca looks at me oddly. Foot, meet mouth. "You know… that like ten year old YouTube sensation? She was driving in a car but no one looked of age? Oh, forget it." I give up trying to explain it all and feel foolish for even mentioning it, but luckily for me, Rebecca doesn't seem to care. "So, where do we start?"

Esme shows me how to finish the last bits of paperwork and when she tells me that payday is next Thursday and I hand her my void check, I suddenly feel very adult. I feel like squealing at the top of my lungs that I have a job, but I also need to consider that I haven't even started it. I could get fired immediately if I fuck up.

"Okay, time to stop daydreaming. Let's see how you do on your feet, newbie." I follow Rebecca as she shows me the various stations in the restaurant. I meet Aro, the sous chef, and a few of the other kitchen staff, who all seem particularly nice considering they are working in a hot kitchen in the middle of the summer.

After an hour and a half of training, the restaurant starts to pick up with the lunch rush and I follow Rebecca around like a lap dog, fetching things for her and trying to keep a smile on my face. This job is much harder than it looks, but I think it will be worth it in the long run, plus if I'm particularly lucky, I will see Edward again.

It's nearing the end of the lunch rush and I've managed a 15-minute break and over $60 in tips that I will share with Rebecca. Just as Esme grants me a few minutes to grab a late lunch, I see Alice wander in with a shit-eating grin on her face. I told her about the job because I knew if I mentioned it to Renee she would begin asking me when I was moving out. I'd rather get my first paycheck deposited before that happens.

"Esme, can I take my break and wait on my friend?" I motion towards Alice and Esme nods her head and gives me a small smile. I think she's pleased with the work I've done today, but I'm feeling very self-conscious about it all. "You checking up on me?"

I guide Alice towards a table for two near the back and she just smiles at me. "I was on my way to work and thought I would make sure you didn't burn down the place. I like their meatloaf more than I like you." I know I should be offended, but this is Alice, so I turn it around on her.

"You want to talk about meat, Alice?" I hold my hand to my mouth and insinuate a blowjob as an elderly couple at the next table gasps in shock. Alice laughs so hard her hand smacks against the table and her cutlery goes flying onto the floor with a loud clatter. "I am so getting fired before the end of the week."

"Take it easy, it looks like your boss over there thought it was kind of funny." I look past her towards Esme, who thankfully has a smile on her face. Perhaps she's smiling cause she knows I'm dead weight and she can fire me now. "How is it going anyways?"

"Well, I only mixed up one order, but no one died so that's a plus." I shrug my shoulders and hand Alice the menu. "You've been eating here for years, this menu is a formality right?"

"I actually don't have much time to eat. I start at 3 and I can't be late. Like I said, I wanted to make sure this place was still standing."

"I'm a waitress not a cook, Alice. The worst I can really do is give someone with a peanut allergy the peanut butter waffle plate." I pause for a moment, remembering how good that waffle is, and wonder if I can order breakfast for lunch. There must be some perk of working here, right? Other than potentially seeing Edward again… oh, and the money.

"I get off at ten, we should celebrate your first day at work. Meet me at my place and I'll pick up some wine coolers."

"What are we seventeen again? Don't be such a pussy and get something good." Alice recoils at the word pussy and I usher her out the door with the promise to see her later in the evening. I have to work tomorrow, but I don't start until five, I'm doing the dinner shift with Rebecca again.

"You were out a lot today," Renee remarks as I open the fridge looking for something to eat. I managed a quick bite at the restaurant, but then things picked up until my shift was over. Of course, I'm not yet ready to tell Renee about my job yet.

"I figured you probably wanted some privacy. I noticed you haven't painted anything since I moved back the week before." It was a lame excuse, but it was true. My mother was someone who was fully ensconced in her art when she was working. There were times growing up that I went and picked up groceries for the week, but I mainly got microwaveable pizzas and Lifesavers popsicles, since those were my favorite. I never said I ate well as a child, unless I was at Alice's place and her parents made sure I had something from each of the food groups on my plate.

"I got quite a bit done before you came. In fact, I have a showing in two weeks down at the Carnegie Gallery. You should come with Alice." I find the fixings for a sandwich and quickly put it together as I look at my mother in surprise.

"Is Garrett going to be there? Do I need to pretend that Alice is my lesbian lover or something, or can she just be my friend?" I snark as my mother rolls her eyes, something I've grown used to once again. She never could appreciate my brand of sarcasm or snarkcasm, as I prefer to say.

"Yes Garrett will be there, and Alice can just be your friend. Don't be ridiculous, Bella."

"Whatever you say, sis," I reply as I finish off my sandwich and head towards my room. "I'm going over to Alice's and will probably stay the night, so if you want to install your sex swing, now would be the time to do it."

"Oh Bella, if I had a sex swing, you would know about it already," my mother deadpans as I continue to walk away and wonder if it was possible that I was switched at birth. Which then brings me back to the nagging question I have had for as long as I can remember – who is my father?

"So you want to do, what?" Alice questions as we lie on her bedroom floor staring at the stick on stars and constellations she put up there the day after she moved in. They're tacky, but in my inebriated state, they are kinda fun to look at in the dark.

"I want to find my dad."

"Did you mention this to Renee?"

"The last time I asked her I think I was ten and she told me I didn't have a father and I was conceived by immaculate conception. I think she was high on something at the time, but what did I know. I had to fucking research what immaculate conception was to understand her." I groan and roll over onto my side, staring at Alice like she holds the answers to all of my questions. "You have a dad, even if he is a bit of a tight ass, and I wish I knew the name of mine. Does he have a tattoo? Does he like Indian food? Does he jaywalk?"

"I see you are digging deep on this one," Alice laughs as I smack her on the shoulder. "Oh, you were being serious."

"Yes, I was. I just don't know what to do. How do I go about this?" I've thought about it a bit over the past few years. It seems the older I get, the more I want answers into my parentage. I know it's pointless to look at my birth certificate since the only person listed is my mother. She claimed 'unknown' under the name of my father, but I know that she must have some inkling of who he is.

"What if Renee truly doesn't know who your baby daddy is? I mean, she is a bit flaky and is still pretty promiscuous. I don't think she has changed that much in 22 years, do you?" I flop onto my back and scrub my face in frustration. All I am looking for is a name, something… anything, but I have no idea how to start.

"I know; Renee may actually have no idea who he is, but I just don't think that's true. I think she loved him, at least enough to want to keep his child."

"Didyme."

"What about her?"

"She's your mother's best friend and has been around for like forever. You should ask her." I reach over and grab Alice, planting a kiss on her lips in excitement.

"That is a fucking great idea." I'm literally on cloud nine as I think about calling up my mother's friend and inviting her to Forks for lunch. I can talk to her on my ground, so to speak, and try and pry as much information from her as possible. After all, she is my godmother. Maybe I can use that angle to get her to talk.

"Can I offer up another idea?"

"What's that Einstein?"

"I think you should record all of this." Umm… what? "If you are serious about trying to find your dad, why don't you make a documentary about it? Record your victories and losses, how you feel and all that shit. Isn't that why you went to college, smart girl?"

I ponder Alice's suggestion for a moment and accept the blunt she offers me as I notice the stars seem to blend together. I could totally do this. I could turn this into a movie. People did this shit all the time, right? Look at Morgan Spurlock; most of his documentaries are him doing random shit like in Super Size Me where he ate McDonalds for a month. I can barely stomach it once a month, let alone every day.

"When you get it done, you can enter it in the TriBeCa film fest. You'll be interviewed in all the papers and magazines as the local girl who does good, and then when you get nominated for Best Documentary at the Oscars, don't forget to thank me."

I think Alice's thoughts are a little far-fetched, but she's right. I should try. I'm trying to find my dad, why not find myself at the same time?


	5. Chapter 5

**So apparently there is an FFN boycott this weekend. I obviously don't care. LOL. I'm at the TwiFic Meetup this weekend in Las Vegas and decided to post regardless. Enjoy the chapter. I will be slow in replying, but two updates in one week should make up for it, I'd hope.  
**

* * *

"You survived your first week," Rebecca applauds as sit down on a stool at the counter and she smiles at me, which is a rare occurrence. The restaurant has certainly grown on me over the past few days, and I'm relieved that I've lasted this long. Lord knows I didn't think I would make it past the first day since I'm usually clumsy as fuck and can't add for shit. Thank god for ordering systems, though I am not that great at it either. "You aren't nearly as bad as I expected you to be."

"Should I take that as a compliment?" I steal a french fry from Leah's plate and shove it in my mouth as Rebecca laughs at me.

"That's about as good as you will get from her," Leah pipes up. "I think she thought your abilities as a waitress would somewhere on par with watching a monkey fuck a football."

Leah is one of the other waitresses I have gotten to know since I began working because we share similar shifts, and I have to admit, she's pretty nice and very funny. She laughs at all my random comments, but I can't tell if she finds me hilarious or if she is laughing _at_ me. I like to think it's the former, but it's probably the latter. "Rebecca has never been one for compliments."

"Yeah, but Bella has increased my tip rate. Since she's been my little shadow I've been making like twenty bucks more a day. The customers must really like you." I shrug my shoulders, because if they do like me, it hasn't been because I've been overly friendly. I've just been trying to be myself, but I guess it has been working for me.

"Must be cause I'm flashing them side boob. The married men and elderly folk really seem to like it."

"Are you coming out with us tonight?" Aro asks from the kitchen as I freeze, because no one has invited me anywhere and I suddenly feel out of place. Unless you count my mother inviting me to go with her to her psychic earlier in the week; I swiftly declined.

"Every Sunday after our shift ends we get together and get tanked. You should definitely come. We're having a little party at my place," Leah explains and she seems like she genuinely wants me to come. "I have a nice little place, big enough for us staff to hang out. We usually head out to a bar an get ripped, but since it's the end of Fleet Week, the places are generally all packed."

"Sure, sounds fun." I think about Alice and how much she adores Fleet Week. Last year, the first year she was legally of age to go to the bars, she dressed up like Sailor Moon and tried to bring home a sailor of her own, but apparently all the good ones were taken and Alice has high standards. And by high standards, I mean it's been a while since any man has been in her secret garden. Yes, she has used that to refer to her vag. Hmm… maybe I can find Alice someone worthy of her at Leah's party. "Can I invite a friend?"

"Male or female."

"Female."

"I didn't know you went that way," Leah adds, trying to be funny, as I narrow my eyes at her and groan.

"I don't. She's my best friend and I'd just love for you guys to meet her. She will probably hate you evil bitches, but she'll never turn down free booze." I wink at Leah who tries to whip her towel at me just as Esme walks into the room.

"What's this about free booze?" Esme continues to be very supportive of me, but I notice Carlisle has been scarce. I don't know if he just doesn't like me or perhaps he doesn't want to admit that his wife was right in hiring me, but it's fine. Sort of. Okay, so I don't like it when people don't like me, but I won't waste my time trying to please him. Well, maybe a little bit of time will be wasted, but I can't help myself.

"Party at Leah's tonight," Rebecca adds as she unties her apron and rests it on the counter. "You and Carlisle should come."

"And ruin your good time with two old farts, nah, I think we'll stay home and watch CNN or something equally boring," Esme replies, with her tongue firmly in cheek. "Anyways, don't you usually invite Emmett and Edward to these parties? I don't think they want to be there with their parents." The girls seem to concede to this fact, but all I can process is the fact that Edward might be there. This is big news in my little world. Then again, considering how boring my life is, anything would be exciting.

"Oh and Bella, there's no free booze. Bring your own," Leah calls out as she heads into the back, ready to end her shift.

I'm at Alice's place just after eight tonight, and it doesn't take me long to convince her to join me at Leah's party. After all, we are both off tomorrow and we haven't been drunk in a week. It's about time we rectified that.

As I watch her pull shirt after shirt out of her tiny closet, I breathe a sigh of relief that she approved of the dress I chose for tonight. Sure, it's actually Renee's, but it fits me like a glove, so I don't care. Then again, it is a Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress and I'm sure it costs more than I will earn all month, but Renee won't notice it's gone – she and Garrett have gone to the Hamptons with Didyme for the long weekend.

I tried to reach out to Didyme this week, but she was finishing up curating a new exhibit at the Met and told me to call her back after the long weekend. I also realized if I had talked to her before they went away, she probably would have told Renee that I was trying to dig for information on the identity of my father and I'm not ready to open that can of worms. I'd also like to know who the hell came up with that saying? Can you even buy worms in a can? And if you could, why the fuck would you?

"So, you are going to call her in a few days?" Alice questions as I watch her pull a tight sequined top over her braless chest. Yes, I have seen Alice's tits, but no, I cannot call them that in her company. "Did you do what I told you to do and record yourself for this thing? I think this could be really great for you."

"Yes Alice," I groan as she finally steps out of the closet with her heels on and she looks like a real honest to goodness adult. She does a little turn and I give her a quick thumbs up before I separate my fingers into a V, lift them to my mouth and pretend to give her oral. "I'd do you."

"Uh… thanks, I guess."

"Oh stop it, you look good. Don't be such a prude, Ali." I stand up from my spot on her bed and put on some of her perfume, since I ran out and the only thing Renee has smells like desperate whore. "Yes, I recorded myself. I set my camera up and talked to it, feeling like a complete horses' ass, but I think you might be right. There could be some compelling material in there. Hopefully there is eventually enough for a documentary."

"Well, knowing your mother's history of being…"

"Ridden like the town bicycle? A woman of ill repute? A tart? I could go on for hours," I answer as Alice smacks me on the arm and I almost smear mascara under my eyes. "I know. Thanks to my mother's sketchy history, who knows what the fuck we will find. It will be difficult to keep this as a story about finding my dad instead of a story about how Renee loved to fuck around in the early 90's."

"I don't think it was just in the early 90's hon."

"Oh, so you can make fun of her but I can't."

"She's your mom. You should respect her."

"When she admits to her lovers than I am her daughter and not her sister or assistant, then I'll respect her."

"Okay then," Alice concedes as I follow her into the kitchen and we each take a shot of Jack. "So, tell me about this party tonight? I'm not going to hate every second of it, will I?"

"Well, Leah is having it at her apartment over in Brooklyn Heights. She's like two blocks from the subway and she even drew me a little map to her place." I hold up the shifty folded napkin with Leah's sketch and on it phone number as Alice gives me an anxious look. "If you are interested, I'm sure most of the kitchen staff will be there and they are all… really nice."

"So you mean ugly?"

"No," I snap, trying to find a good way to describe the guys who work at Forks. "They are unique."

"Ah… so fugly then?"

"I think Edward and Emmett might be coming, so there's that."

"I have no idea who they hell they are, Bells. For all I know they could be cross-dressers or male impersonators. I saw a show once where this girl dressed up like a guy and was pretending to seduce them, but instead when she/he got them alone, they were killed. The person was targeting the people who teased her or him in high school. It was screwed up." Alice grabs her purse from her kitchen counter and makes sure everything in her apartment is turned off except for one night to guide her drunken ass in when she comes home. I look at her incredulously, because her story is so random, but this is Manhattan and anything can happen.

"Good thing everyone liked you in high school," I remark sassily as Alice smacks me with her purse and opens the front door, motioning for me to get the fuck out. "Don't worry, hon. I'm relatively sure there will be no cross-dressers or murderers."


	6. Chapter 6

**I am finally home from my two-week vacation in Vegas & California and decided that once I started laundry, I needed to post since it's been a while, so enjoy. Disneyland took all my money, but I'm happy cause I'm watching An Idiot Abroad.  
**

**MaggieMay14 is a beta queen and Acinad816 and Risbee are my pre-reading princesses. Here's some Edward for you!  
**

* * *

In record time, Alice and I make it over to the subway stop at Chambers and actually manage seats on the train. It's a little crowded, but this is something I'm used to after living in Manhattan for my entire life.

"So, I watched a marathon of that show VEEP yesterday," I tell Alice, since lately it's been a challenge for me to do anything but sleep or work. The fact that there was a marathon on HBO was a welcome surprise because Esme had said great things about the show to me recently during one of the lags at the restaurant. "It was pretty hilarious."

"You watched television?"

"I don't live under a rock, you know. And anyways, Renee was out with Garrett so I could lounge around without any repercussions from her."

"Isn't VEEP that show with the girl from Seinfeld?"

"Yeah, and the chick from My Girl who is like in her thirties now and doesn't look so awkward anymore."

"My Girl... is that the one were Macaulay Culkin kicks the bucket?" Alice questions, a little callously, but to be honest, neither of us really liked the film. I just nod my head and continue on with my story.

"Anyways, there's one scene where the VP is really sick and as she is leaving a frozen yogurt store, she shits herself, literally. She's all 'I'm not sure where this is headed' and then it happens." I look to see a few of the other passengers are giving me an odd look, but this is something I'm used to. "Could you imagine if that was Joe Biden? Or what if Palin had become the vice-president, that shit would have been funny as hell."

"Oh dear lord. How is someone's inability to control their bowels funny?"

"Come on, Alice. It was funny as fuck, although I guess you had to see it?"

"Poop makes me squicky," Alice replies as the couple directly across from us gets up from their seats, but not to get off the train, apparently they want to get away from our disturbing conversation.

"Especially if it's white and fluffy?" I question, knowing full well that Alice has an aversion to things like whipped cream and marshmallow fluff. I know Alice is a bit quirky, but so am I. She's the right to my left, the Gayle to my Oprah or the Betty to my Wilma.

"Exactly. Now, onto a new topic, how the hell are you going to afford booze for tonight since you don't get paid for another week and I know you spent most of your tips on those shoes you are currently sporting." I lift my leg and ogle my new high heeled espadrille sandals, not even shy in showing how much I love them.

"I stole $40 from Renee's purse," I state as my hand runs reverently over the shoe and Alice groans beside me. "Oh stop, I'll put it back next week."

"And she won't notice?"

"Renee doesn't notice things that are right in front of her face. After all, I've been working for a week and she has no idea," I quip as the train stops and I find myself growing anxious to get to the party. "Anyways, don't feel bad for her. She sold three more works for just over twenty grand each. Renee is not destitute."

Alice and I continue our random and somewhat disturbing conversations all the way to Brooklyn Heights where we get off at Clark Station. Leah has drawn me a map to her apartment building, and included where I could buy booze, so we go there first. It's just after 9 when we finally step inside the front door of her apartment. The music is loud, about half of the staff is there, and Leah is absolutely drunk.

"Bella Bean," she calls out, her latest nickname annoying the crap out of me already. She must have started drinking the moment she left work this afternoon. "I'm so glad you could make it." Leah stumbled forward and wraps me into a generous hug. "And who have you brought with you?"

"This is Alice, my best friend," I declare as Leah appraises her for a moment before also pulling her in for a hug.

"Alice, it's wonderful to meet you," Leah gushes as Alice thanks her for having us and rather than face some more awkward Leah time, I drag Alice through the room introducing her to the people I work with.

Every so often my eyes may be darting to the door to see if Edward has arrived. I haven't been lucky as of yet.

The night with my new friends turns out better than I expected. So Leah's place is a bit smaller than she claimed, but anything would be small next to Renee's place. Then again, anything small in the general Manhattan area is also somewhat affordable. I meet Leah's roommate Caius, who appears to be very sweet on Alice, albeit he seems a little bit too much like her stoner ex for my liking, which is probably why she doesn't seem too interested. I have no idea why she is so closed off to meeting someone new, but I decide I should have a little conversation with my best friend and pull her out onto the narrow fire escape.

"What's going on?" I question, trying not to be subtle in my interrogation. "Caius seemed genuinely nice and he's kinda cute, even if he could use a shower. I thought you were looking for something...more?"

"I am looking, it's just..." Alice falters and I see a tell-tale blush cross her cheeks as I light up.

"You've met someone?"

"Maybe," she says coquettishly as I can't help the smile that is glued to my face. "I don't want to jinx anything."

"Is it Yorkie?" Alice shakes her head and grins as I try to run through the entire encyclopedia of men we both know, wondering who she could have found. "Newton?"

"Ewww... no. Anyways, he's engaged to Lauren. Apparently, it's due to the fact that he knocked her up while they were away at Cornell. He could do so much better than that fake-ass Elle Woods wannabe." I scrunch my mouth up, thinking hard as Alice gives me a gentle pat on the shoulder and sits on the metal steps beside me. "I met him through work."

"Ooh... is there some tawdry Sheraton sexcapades going on?" Then again, if there were, it's not like Alice would tell me.

"His name is Jasper and he's the Doorman over at the Waldorf. I went there for an interview Friday and there was some sort of connection with him and we didn't even talk. I slipped him my number on my way out and he called last night. I think we may get together for coffee or something on Monday afternoon since neither of us works then." Alice literally glows as she talks about this guy and I'm happy for her, truly.

"You should have told me, because I dragged you out here hoping you'd meet someone."

"I did meet someone," Alice answers as she nudges me with her shoulder and I spill a bit of my drink. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just didn't know what to say. I promise, you will meet him soon, if things go well."

"Will you tell me how big his dick is? Since I need to live vicariously through you."

"Um... no."

"Well shit, where's the fun in being your best friend?" Alice grins and then climbs back through Leah's window. I turn to watch her and Edward suddenly appears, climbing out onto the fire escape with me.

I'm suddenly quiet and very unsure of what to say. Generally, I would just open my mouth and let the first thing fly, but usually this is an insult and I definitely do not want to insult him. Hell, we've never even been formally introduced.

"Bella, right?" he asks as I watch his lips open as he takes a sip of the Blue Moon he's holding. I nod, and am silent, like a complete idiot, because I cannot stop staring at his expressive green eyes. "My mother has been gushing about you for a week. I'm Edward." I take his extended hand and shake it anxiously, feeling my brain turn to mush as I try to decide what to say to this guy that won't come across like... well, me.

"Your mother has been far too sweet to me, and I am so grateful she gave me a chance. Oh, now I just sound like I am being spastic or something. It's umm… it's nice to meet you." I look down and I am still shaking his hand, but he doesn't seem to care. In fact, the smile on his face says otherwise. When I finally pull away, I usually feel like I need to wipe my hand off, but not today.

"So, what do you really do, Bella?"

"Uh... what?" I reply, taken by surprise. "Isn't being a waitress a respectable job?" I ask, a little snidely as Edward holds up his free hand in defense. Clearly he didn't mean to offend me, but of course I get my back up. It's just how I'm built, I suppose.

"I just meant... Leah is a writer, Rebecca is studying Linguistics at NYU... I figured you did something else. I didn't mean to insult you or anything; it's just how things tend to go at Forks. Other than Aro who has been there since he was in high school, and my parents, they tend to have a high turnover rate with their employees.

"Oh... well..." I'm stammering and nervous because I don't know what to tell him. "I graduated with a degree in film studies from BU a few weeks ago."

"Planning to take Hollywood by storm, are you?" I shake my head from side to side, rather frantically and Edward quirks his eye brow at me before he sips his beer again. I have to admit, up close he's even more attractive than I had thought previously. He has a few days scruff on his jaw and his hair falls over his face in the sexiest way. It makes me want to reach up and just touch it. "Or not."

I shake my head softly, pulling myself from my daydreams. "Oh… well, I'm kind of in the beginning stages of making a documentary."

"It's not about the kitchen staff at Forks, is it? If so, you are currently missing a prime opportunity to catch Aro sing 'Baby Got Back'." We look into the living room and sure enough, Aro is rapping at the top of his lungs as the rest of the gang cheers him on. It reminds me of this interview with Sir Mix-A-Lot where he admitted that he felt like a giant turd sitting on the oversized ass in his video. I can't stop the random thought and I realize that this is something I don't want to share with the beautiful boy beside me. "He wants to be on American Idol and we keep discouraging him, for obvious reasons." Aro raps again, this time into a higher register he definitely can't pull off and Edward and I both cringe and then turn to laugh at each other.

We are sharing a moment, right? I chide myself because I don't need to be overanalyzing everything. I just need to go with the flow, and keep my foot from being lodged in my mouth.

"So, the documentary? What is it about?"

"Not the restaurant staff," I reply through my laughter. "It's just... starting, you know?"

"You don't want to share the details?"

"It's a long convoluted story that I don't think I should unload onto you tonight, so let's discuss something a little less boring, alright?" Edward looks a little put out that I won't tell him about my movie, but it's my story to tell and I just don't go around telling virtual strangers about the skeletons in my closet. "So... Esme told me that you drive a food truck?"

"If you want to get technical, that crazy bastard in there drives the truck," Edward explains as he points to Emmett who is currently cheering Leah on as she sings Carly Simon's 'You're So Vain'. "I'm the mastermind, the creative, the... chef, who makes it all so fucking awesome that we have been voted Manhattans best food truck two years in a row." Okay, now I adore Edward's confidence along with everything else.

"Did you go to like... food truck school... or something?" I ask, immediately feeling like an idiot. Like food truck school exists. Then again, I know nothing about food trucks except some of them have yummy food and Marcus once made me watch some show about them on the Food Network.

"No, I learned from my mother. She's taught me everything I know about food." I try to search my memory to recall if I ever saw Edward at Forks when I was younger, but nothing appears to ring a bell. You'd think I would remember him, right? Lord knows I won't forget him now.

"Did you always want to be a chef?" I question, eager to keep our conversation flowing and off of me and my half-assed documentary. I can see by the way things are going inside the apartment, that the party is winding down a bit. Some of the staff has to open in the morning, and they will do it with a huge hangover, so they have already left. I'm just not ready to have tonight end.

"No, I used to have lofty dreams of being a cop, but it turns out I don't particularly like donuts."

"Really?" I ask, my mouth agape as Edward laughs loudly and then polishes off his drink as he eyes me up, no doubt thinking I am an idiot. "Well, not really, but like... what an odd reason to not be a cop. Do you hate bacon too? What about loud sirens? You could have been a bike cop, they are pretty cool. I mean, they get bikes!" I am far too enthusiastic about the bike comment and Edward pauses for a while as he stares at me.

Suddenly, Emmett pokes his head through the window and glances between us.

"Hey little bro, we have to get going pretty soon. We have to pick up some supplies in the morning." Edward glares at his brother, as though he is mad at him for interrupting, and I suddenly feel thrust into an uncomfortable situation. "You work at the restaurant right?"

"I'm Bella," I announce as I offer Emmett my hand and he shakes it heavily. "Where did you get that bandana you wore the other day? Alice, that's my best friend, we have been looking for one inspired by Rainbow Bright for the loooongest time." Emmett scrunches up his face in confusion as Edward breaks out into laughter.

"It's meant to be symbolic."

"You liked Rainbow Bright too?" I ask, excited to share this information with Alice. We were a little bit obsessed when we were younger. Alice found a VHS tape at a garage sale and we were done for. The show wasn't on TV when we grew up, but we weren't exactly known for our conformity as children.

"Where the hell did Mom find this one?" Emmett questioned as he walked away, seeming frustrated at me. What in the hell had I done wrong? Note to self, don't mention Rainbow Bright around the big guy with the shitty attitude.

"He's gay, Bella."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

"I guess my gaydar must be on the fritz this week."

"You are certainly something..." Edward pauses and I suddenly feel horrible. This is where guys usually let me down. I say something or do something they don't like, or they discover I'm much more high maintenance than I seem. I'm ready for the brush off. "You're very different, aren't you, Bella?"

"Yeah, I get that all the time – different, weird, unique, odd – I've heard them all." I feel a bit deflated at Edward's comment and offer as much snark as I can manage in my now fragile state. I decide to cut my losses and see if Alice is ready to go home, so I stand up and dust off my dress before I move back to the window. "It was nice to meet you, Edward."

"What... huh?" I slip back into the apartment and I see Alice give me a thumbs up from the kitchen. I quickly shake my head and before I know it, Alice and I have said our goodbyes and we are walking back towards the subway stop.

"You gonna tell me what happened out there? He seemed really into you," Alice tells me as we sit down on a bench and wait for the next train.

"It's just the usual shit. I'm different, interesting etc... but I'm just... I'm not the beautiful girl with the big tits that all the guys are looking for. I'm the quirky chick with the mother for a sister and the AWOL Dad." I let out a small sigh and Alice and I remain quiet for the rest of the trip home.

I pass out on her couch somewhere around three in the morning with dreams of green eyes, and its accompanying Coldplay song as a soundtrack in the background.


	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter is posting just cause I felt like it. So much for my posting schedule, right? In regards to the last chapter, yes Bella over-reacted; it's just what she does. Cut the girl some slack. After all, it wasn't that long ago that she was dumped.**

**MaggieMay14, Acinad816 and Risbee are superstars. That is all.**

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Wednesday afternoon I am in the middle of my shift at Forks, when Didyme strolls in looking like a million dollars. This doesn't surprise me, seeing as she has always been extravagant, but I just wasn't expecting it today. She looks around, and she seems familiar with the place for just a brief moment, before I watch her shake her head.

"Isabella," she calls out, as she strolls towards me with her arms extended and a Berkin bag on her shoulder. Her jet-black hair is perfectly coifed, and there is a little streak of grey in the middle, but she considers this stylish. She looks a bit out of place here at Forks. Didyme stops short and notices my apron and the rag I was just using to clean off the countertop. "Wait a minute young lady... are you working here? Does Renee know?"

I look towards the back and Esme, who I've already told I was meeting with a family friend, urges me to take my break. As I guide Didyme towards a table near the back, she looks a little put out that this is the first she is hearing of my news.

"First of all, you are early," I chide her. "Secondly, yes I am working here, and I kinda like it, so don't go getting all elitist on me. I work for, and with, some great people and I'm not going anywhere for the time being, alright?"

"Oh, don't be so melodramatic and defensive, Isabella. It reminds me too much of your mother," Didyme states as she sits back and scowls as she appraises the place. "If you wanted a job, I could have gotten you in at the museum."

"Thanks, but no thanks, Did," I state, trying to be as confident as possible though my insides are churning. "I don't want to take a job away from someone who really deserves one and is qualified."

"We have a film center and archives, Isabella. You would be just as qualified as anyone else."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Did, but I think I will stay put for now."

When we finally had a time set to meet, I began to formulate all sorts of questions in my head about how to ask her about my dad, without seeming confrontational. It's hard to ask my mother's best friend about my father, when I know my mother will be hurt that I bypassed her to get the information. However, I can't not do it now. I want to know. "Listen, this may seem a bit weird to you, but can I record this?"

"Record what?"

"Our conversation," I explain as I motion to my video camera which Leah helped me position on the shelf behind us. All I need to do is click a remote and I will have a great view of Didyme as I question her. "It's for a little documentary I'm making."

"Is it about Renee?"

"No, but she plays a part in it, I suppose," I reply cryptically as Didyme fixes her hair and moves her seat slightly, hoping that my camera will get her good side. "Are you good?"

"Sure, go ahead." I flip open my waitress' notepad, where I've been scrawling questions and decide to start with the basics.

"How long have you known Renee?" Didyme goes off on a rant, and I hope I have enough space available on my camera, as she tells me how she met my mother at art school when they were both interested in the same guy. I perk up slightly, hopeful that she's talking about my father, until she mentions how they found out he was gay, which made the two girls best friends apparently. I'm twelve minutes into my break and feel myself getting antsy as Didyme finishes her next story of how she helped my mother find our current home just weeks before I was born.

"Speaking of that," I hedge as Didyme nods. "Did you know my dad?"

There's a pregnant pause as Didyme looks down at her hands, unsure of how to answer me. "Is this what this is all about? If so, I'm not going to break your mother's trust by telling you about someone who has never wanted to play a part in your life."

"Did you ever think it was possible that he didn't know about me, so he couldn't say whether or not he wanted to be in my life?" I snap back as Didyme looks surprised. Yes, godmother, I grew a huge set of balls in the past few years, I think to myself as try not to start a fight in the middle of Forks.

"Why now, Isabella?" she questions, looking very concerned regarding my newfound desire to find my biological father.

"It's something I have always been curious about Did, and Renee won't tell me anything. My birth certificate has no name listed under father, and the first place I thought to start was with you. After all, you know my mother better than anyone."

"Isabella, this is going to crush your mother. If she knows you are trying to find him... I don't even want to think about what will happen."

"I'm old enough, and mature enough, to handle it. I can get why she didn't tell me when I was 10 and I was desperate to know why I had no father to bring to the Father's Day at school, but I think it should be my choice now. She doesn't need to have a relationship with him, but I would at least like him to know I exist."

Didyme looks reflective as I look up at the clock on the wall, noticing that I am past my break time. "Let me think about it, alright?"

"It's all I can ask," I answer coolly as I grab her wrist and stop her before she can leave. "Please do not tell Renee about this, and by this I mean my job or the dad thing. I'm working up to it."

"Isabella, I've trusted your judgment since you were old enough to walk, and because you've always had a more level head on your shoulders than your mother, but I think you are getting in too deep with this. I will try and contact you by the end of the week with my decision." I nod softly and Didyme offers me a gentle hug before she dashes out the door and hails a cab to head back uptown.

Though it wasn't a no, I can't help but feel like I've been dealt strike one.

It's Friday and I actually have the day off, which seems like a miracle in itself. Alice, of course, is working, so I decide to head down to the New Amsterdam Library to check their archives. I figured that since Renee was already a public figure then, perhaps there was an announcement in the newspaper for my birth. The online archives of the Post and the Times don't go back far enough for my liking, and I need to start digging somewhere.

I take the subway from Canal down to Chambers and as I step out into the light of day, I realize god must hate me.

There, parked just west of the New Amsterdam Library, is a big food truck with 'The Brothers' written on the side. There is at least 10 people waiting out front for their lunch, so I breathe a sigh of relief and assume that I can just sneak past.

Once again, god hates me.

"Bella?" I want to hide behind some bushes or something, but there's nothing but the concrete of Manhattan and the Dark Horse bar, which is past the library. It would look way to suspicious if I ran. So I stand still, plaster a smile on my face and turn to see Edward wiping his hands on his apron. "What are you doing over here?"

"Oh you know… going to the library." Edward quirks his eye brow at me, and I take the bait and decide to fill him in, a little bit. "I have the day off and I'm doing some research for my documentary."

"Ah yes… the one about the convoluted topic that my pea-sized brain wouldn't be able to comprehend, right?" Edward looks down at me from his six-foot frame and waits for an answer. Luckily, I am saved.

"Edward, get your ass back here," Emmett calls out as Edward dashes to help his older brother, but he stops for a moment.

"Don't go anywhere. Okay?"

Five minutes later, the line has subsided in front of their truck and Emmett is serving some final customers as Edward comes out and finds me leaning against the building, waiting. "Listen, the other night I didn't meant to imply that you weren't smart enough to understand the point of my documentary."

"Well, I didn't mean to say that you were special, or whatever it was I said that made me tuck your tail between your legs and run like the wind, the other night." I lower my head and frown to myself. Once again, my chronic overthinking and self-consciousness bit me in the ass. "I was really having a great time talking to you."

"Oh… well… I'm sorry."

"Can we start over perhaps?" Edward stretches his hand out to me and I fight the urge to laugh at him. This is totally a scene from a really bad movie or something, but his smile seems genuine so I go with it. "I'm Edward Cullen. Chef & Co-Owner of The Brothers Food Truck."

"I'm Isabella Swan, but everyone calls me Bella. I'm a film studies graduate and I am in the process of making a documentary about my father." I let out a huge sigh that I didn't even know I was holding, as Edward smiles even brighter.

"See, that wasn't too hard was it? So your dad… is he someone famous?"

"I actually have no idea. I've never met him." Edward pauses and looks at me like I've just caught on fire or something. "This is why I'm doing the documentary. I'm kinda… looking for him."

"That was...unexpected."

Edward and I stand still, the warm summer air keeping us company, as neither of us speaks. He turns, standing beside me against the library wall and offers me a sip from his bottle of water, which I turn down.

"So..."

"Tough topic huh?" I reply with a shrug of my shoulders as Edward gives me a gentle smile. This wasn't what I expected when I told him what my movie is about. I don't want his pity because I don't have a dad.

"What made you decide to look for him? And this may be an obvious question, but doesn't your mom know where to find him?" Edward seems genuinely interested, and it makes me like him just a little bit more. Of course, it doesn't hurt that his voice is smooth like butter and his abs look like I can bounce quarters off of them. Or maybe I can lick butter of his abs. God, he's delicious, but wait... he was asking me something?

"Yeah well...Renee won't tell me anything about him, which is probably why I'm so curious about it. I mean, I've always been interested and when I was younger and I'd pass a guy who looks a little like me on the street, I would wonder... but, I just feel like it's time. I want to know who I am."

"I'm assuming Renee is your mother?"

"Not if you ask her boyfriend. I'm the young, hipster sister to him." Edward looks even more confused and I see Emmett wave him over to the truck. It looks like the rush is officially over and he needs to get on his way. "Listen, I hate keeping you from your work, but it has been nice to talk to you again today."

I offer my hand, trying to be polite, and Edward grabs it roughly and pulls me closer to him. In a flash he is pulling a sharpie out of his back pocket and scraws his number on my forearm. A little aggressive, but I can't say it turns me off. "Call me, alright?" I nod softly, unable to manage enough words to string together a sentence. "I'm free all weekend. Maybe we can do something, or you can tell me more about your dysfunctional family and this documentary you are working on."

"Okay," I squeak as Emmett calls for Edward once more and he disappears into the truck.

Well this day certainly took an unexpected, but welcome, turn.


	8. Chapter 8

**No regular posting schedule anymore. It's basically whenever I feel like it, but that works to your benefit, clearly. MaggieMay14, Risbee and Acinad816 are superstars in my eyes.  
**

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"So, he gave you his number?" Alice questions as I lie on my bed staring at the glow in the dark stars that have been there for almost ten years. I've just had no inclination to remove them. "Are you going to do anything about it?"

I stare at my arm and suck my bottom lip between my teeth as I try to think.

"I think so."

"You don't sound so confident."

"I have oodles of confidence, Alice, just not when it comes to men. Did you know Emmett was gay? I mean… how did I not know that? Half of my mothers friends are gay!" I toss my hands over my eyes and let out a huge sigh. "How do I know I am not wrong about this guy? I mean, I was wrong last weekend."

"He's gone to a bit of effort here, Bella. He put himself out there and offered you his number, I think you should at least try." I know Alice speaks the truth, so I just need to shit or get off the pot. I need to call him.

"Talk to me about something else. How is Jasper?" I hear Alice literally swoon on the other end of the phone and then there are some giggles as I flop over to my stomach and I hear her shush someone. "Is Jasper there with you now? What the fuck, Alice?"

"Oh calm down, B. How many times did I call you while you were at school and Marcus was there?"

"It's not like he was coherent enough to understand what we were talking about."

"Do I need to ask again why you were with him?"

"He had a huge…"

Suddenly, Alice begins to chant la-la-la over and over again, eager to not hear any specifics about Marcus. However, in hindsight, his penis really was his only redeeming quality. "Let's talk about Jasper's penis. Is it big? Thick? Does it curve? I've heard sometimes those are the best cause they can hit you just right." I'm laying it on thick, but this is my version of punishment. Just like I expect, Alice hangs up the phone and when I toss mine on my nightstand, I am shocked when it rings a moment later.

"I knew you couldn't be mad at me, Ali. So… Jasper's penis… or do you prefer I say cock, or dick? What about Bavarian beef stick? Cock-a-saurus Rex? Otis Deepthroatis?" There is cough on the other end of a phone and I quickly sit up, mortified. "Alice?"

"Is this Bella?"

"Uh… who is asking?"

"It's Edward." Oh fuck me sideways. Could I be more mortified at this very moment? "Bella?"

"Sorry, I'm here. I'm just trying to open the window in my fourth floor apartment so I can jump to my death of sheer embarrassment." Edward laughs heartily on the other end of the line and I breathe a sigh of relief for a brief moment. Maybe he actually finds me funny?

"It's ok, really. I'm sure it happens to the best of us."

"No, it really only happens to me. I'm the kind of girl with her foot permanently lodged in her mouth. Most of the time it's probably deep in my throat and I'm choking on it." There was a brief period of silence and I took a second to get my head on straight. Unfortunately, what Edward said next managed to catch me completely off guard.

"So… I sweet-talked my mother into giving you tomorrow off, and giving me your phone number, because I was hoping you would want to get together."

"Oh." The deafening silence is back because I have no idea what to say to this guy. Why would he go to such lengths to spend time with me? Hell, even when I dated Marcus he was never this persistent.

"Is that a good oh or a bad oh?" Edward asks, his voice a little quieter than usual.

"It's a surprised oh. You are pretty determined aren't you?"

"Yeah, I like to think so, plus I didn't actually think you would call me back." Well shit, now I feel worse than I did when I was spouting penis euphemisms at him because I thought he was Alice. "So umm… what do you say to coffee tomorrow? Bear in mind, if you say no, you have to go to work."

"Sure, how about we meet at the Pecan Café?" I reply as I let out a small laugh. I have to admire his persistence and I have to admit, he's got me very curious. I want to know more about him, and I want him to know me better, so if we are going to try… I guess I need to put in some effort. "How about 1 o'clock?"

"That works for me," Edward replies and I can see that his voice sounds lighter, so he is possibly relieved that I said yes. "I'll see you at one tomorrow, and Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I prefer mammoth mound of manhood." Edward hangs up, leaving me completely dumbfounded, but smiling from ear to ear. He may be worth the effort after all.

"So, I've noticed you are never around," Renee states as she sips from her jumbo cup of coffee, reminiscent of those ones they used to drink on Friends. In fact, she probably bought it fifteen years ago because she used to love that show. "Is everything alright?"

"Yup, just fine," I reply, clipped. I really don't want to get into a long drawn out conversation with my mother since I have a date with Edward later. At least I think it's a date. It's coffee and we will be out, so I'm considering it a coffee date. I look over at Renee again and she is giving me a sympathetic glance while patting the couch beside her. Shit.

"Come and talk to you mother, please. Humor me." I glance at the clock and see I still have two hours, so I reluctantly plop down on the couch next to her and wait. If she wants me here, then she wants to talk. I just need to not offer her anything.

"I talked to Didyme the other day." Oh shit. I freeze and pray to god that Didyme didn't tell Renee about our conversation. However, based on the look on Renee's face, she doesn't look overly upset. "She's going to come to my showing next week at the Carnegie Gallery. Did you talk to Alice?"

"Oh yeah... I did, but she needs to check her schedule. Can you just put me on the list with guest and if she can't come, maybe I can grab a homeless guy from the streets to join me." I give Renee a smirk but she doesn't look impressed.

"Can you be serious for one minute, Bella?"

"Is Garrett going to be at the showing?" I question, a little snidely. I hate playing the role of the sister when half of the people there know I am her daughter. These people have been around long enough for the career of Renee Swan to know better.

"I'm not sure yet," she responds, uncertain. "He mentioned something about his grandmothers 70th birthday and how he might need to go up to Rochester for the weekend to visit his family."

"You do know you are probably closer in age to his grandmother, than him, right?"

"Fuck off, Bella. I am not. There's only like thirteen years between Garrett and I." I raise my eyebrows at look at my mother as though I am the adult in this situation. "Alright, he thinks there are only a few years between us."

"How are you not bored of him yet?"

"There's just something different there, Bella. He's really sweet to me and likes me for who I am."

"No mom, he likes you for who he _thinks_ you are. Don't be fooled."

"Oh, like you were fooled by Marcus?" she snaps as I narrow my eyes and let out a sigh.

"Garrett and Marcus are much more alike than I give them credit for, and that's not a good thing. I think you should cut your losses before he does it to you," I explain as Renee glowers at me. I refuse to sit here and wax nostalgic with her about my shitty past relationships, so I stand up and head straight into my room. She doesn't come to find me and discuss my scathing remark, and as I leave to go meet Edward, Renee is nowhere to be found. I can only hope that she has listened to me for once.

An hour later, I find myself sitting on a bench outside the Pecan Café on Franklin St. I'm clutching my latte tightly in my hand and people watching as I wait for Edward to arrive. I glance down at my clothes and wonder if I should have dressed up more, instead of going casual. Luckily, when I look up and see Edward in a t-shirt and a pair of cargo shorts, I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Hey there," he calls out as he approaches and I stand, unsure of what to do. Edward pauses and pulls me in for the most awkward hug of the century, where neither of us knows where to put our hands and I spill a bit of my drink on the sidewalk. "Do you want to sit inside?"

"Nah, it's pretty nice out right now. Do you want to go for a walk?" Edward agrees readily and then ducks inside the café to grab himself a drink, before we head west down Franklin St. together. "So..."

"Thanks for coming out today and not being turned off by my persistence," Edward explains before he sips from his cup. We walk under various scaffolding for buildings that are being restored and talk generally about the weather until we reach Greenwich St where the traffic is crazy and loud.

We walk to N Moore St, agreeing to head over towards the Hudson River Greenway for a little peace and quiet. We find an empty bench near Pier 25 and Edward places his arm on the back of the bench, around my shoulder sort of, as he stares up at the clear blue sky.

"This is weird, isn't it?"

"A little," I reply, hesitant but honest. "So... you aren't working today? I figured since you are self-employed you would work a lot of crazy hours."

"I do work some ridiculous hours, and get up pretty early most days. Even though the truck does brisk business on the weekend, especially in the more touristy areas, Emmett and I need a break every once in a while, so we take off every other weekend," Edward explains as I nod softly.

"You must like the freedom that running your own company gives you, right?"

"Sometimes, but a lot of the time I miss the standard 9-5 job. I wish I had that consistency."

"So, how do you like working at Forks? My mother isn't a slave-driver is she?"

"Well your mom has been great, but I haven't seen your dad much since I started. Wait...this isn't like... some abnormal way to quiz me on the job right? Like...if I say something bad, it won't get back to your mother? I can't get fired." Edward breaks out into a huge laugh as I sit beside him, completely mortified. Apparently, he doesn't realize that I am being dead serious.

"Did it ever occur to you that I like you and there is no ulterior motive?" I look across the green lawn and see New Jersey on the other side of the Hudson. I glance quickly at Edward before staring at my hands, self consciously. Could it be possible Edward actually likes me for me? Dick euphemisms and jumping to conclusions, be damned.

"No..., not really," I reply with my brows scrunched together as I feel Edward's hand on my thigh and a spike of energy runs through my entire body.

"Well, think about that. I'm not here on a spy mission to gain intelligence from my mother's newest employee." Edward seems genuine and his accompanying smile helps me to relax, but as he brushes a few stray hairs behind my ear, I find myself grinning at him. "To be honest, my mother pressured me to go to Leah's party last week."

"Oh yeah?" I'm taken aback, but I don't want to act too disappointed. After all, I don't know the entire story but I am really hoping his mother isn't trying to play matchmaker. That might frustrate the hell out of me

"She doesn't think I get out enough, so she put the bug in my ear, and then Emmett insisted on going when he heard there would be karaoke. However, when I saw you talking to your friend out on the fire escape, I knew had to talk to you."

I smile genuinely as I feel Edward bump against my shoulder, as he moves closer to me. "Well, I'm glad you did, even if it's been a clusterfuck of miscommunication until now."

"Me too and it hasn't all been bad. After all, there is this." I look at Edward confused, as he leans in and places a gentle kiss against my lips.

Now, it's been a while since I've been laid, regardless of when Marcus and I actually broke up, so of course I suddenly have the urge to mount this man on the bench and take things well past the next level. I don't, though. Instead, I open my mouth and let the verbal fuckery continue. This one, I may regret for a long time to come.

"Do you want to go to a gallery show with me next week?"

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**Looking for something to read until my next update? I recently read The Keepsake by windchymes (as rec'd to me by Rochelle Allison) and it was fabulous. It's WIP, though, for you wusses :) and I loved the complete Sleep Talk by newlovenewhate.**


	9. Chapter 9

**I know, I have been slack as of late, but I was away for four days. Cut me some slack. **

**MaggieMay14 is my beta-queen and Acinad816 and Risbee are the best pre-readers in the business. Happy belated Canada Day to my fellow Canadians and Happy Early July 4th to my US chums.**

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Alice and I are lying with our backs on her floor and our legs on her couch. It's an odd position, but we are drying our toenails and trying to relax a bit. She is nervous about a date she has with Jasper tonight and I'm supposed to be meeting up with Edward at the Canal Room for drinks around eight before we go over to the Carnegie Gallery for Renee's showing.

When I told my mother that Alice wasn't going to be coming to her show, she looked practically depressed – like jumping from the roof and cursing about how sad her life is – kind of depressed. She tends to be a little over dramatic and she thinks of Alice like her second daughter. However, the mere mention of me bringing someone else completely perked her up. Renee then bombarded me with question after question until I relented and told her I had met a guy at a party recently, which was technically the truth, and she began to ease off, but was eager to meet him.

I, however, was not as excited for Edward to meet my mother. I may be a wee bit concerned she will attempt to hit on him or drug and take advantage of him. The second option was much more her style.

It had been five days since we had our pseudo coffee date; I still wasn't sure it could be classified as a date, but I was trying to remain hopeful. During one of my shifts at the restaurant, he came in to visit and Esme, the meddling mother that she is, insisted I take my break and enjoy a cinnamon bun with Edward, which was a bit odd, though I enjoyed the fifteen minutes of attention from him. Of course, it didn't help that Leah had been all over me about what was going on with Edward and I, which led Esme to question me, too. I _may_ have admitted that I liked her son, and then backtracked to confirm I liked the straight one.

Edward and I talked almost every night on the phone, or if he was too tired from his day, he would text me, but things were going... alright.

"Okay, so I am waiting for the other shoe to drop," I admit to Alice as she groans loudly and elbows my side. "I know, it's stupid and shit, but I can't help it. He seems too good to be true."

"Why can't you just enjoy the attention he's giving you, Bella? Don't look into this so much that you find something that isn't there. That's very soap-opera of you. This guy likes you; he told you so for fucks sake, so just go with it. Though, I'm starting to wonder why he likes you; you are high maintenance." I kick my toes, willing them to dry faster, as Alice rolls her eyes at me. "With Jasper I am just letting the pieces fall where they may."

"You're kidding?" I ask, completely shocked, since Alice prefers to have things organized to her liking. She's very anal-retentive, but don't say that to her. Anal is one of the top words she loathes. "Are you okay with that?"

"I'm trying to be, because Jasper is pretty laid back, but it's a challenge." Alice and I break out into laughter and I decide to try and get a little gossip out of her. After all, she's got a boyfriend now, I need to know details.

"So, Edward is pretty good kisser. What about Jasper?"

"He's good, too."

"Does he have soft lips?" I think of Edward's tentative first kiss, and then our second as he wrapped his hands in my hair and left me speechless in front of the apartment building on that Sunday afternoon after he walked me home. I miss his lips.

"Sure."

"Does he know how to use them?" God, I was hoping Edward would show me how well he could use his tonight. I mean on the lips, keep your mind out of the gutter.

"Bella... I'm not telling you."

"Oh for fucks sakes, would a little girl talk kill you, Brando?" I scramble to sit up, watching not to scrape my feet against anything and fuck up my pedicure. "I'm not asking you to send me a picture of his dick; I just want to know what you find attractive with him."

"Everything," she replies dreamily as I punch her in the shoulder and she flinches. I want to challenge her to a thumb war, seeing as this was how we solved things when we were little, but I remember how we are in our twenties now. A good old-fashioned staring contest should do. Unfortunately, Alice doesn't want to play.

"I give up." I throw my arms up and sit with my back against the couch as Alice turns over and follows suit.

"Listen, you can tell me about Edward if you want."

"Yeah, but you don't want to listen to any details."

"Then let's discuss something else. Have you told Edward about Garrett and the great age debacle?"

"Yeah," I reply, my teeth grinding in frustration. "He knows my mother likes to pretend that I am her sister, so I told him about how to act tonight. He seems ready for it all, I suppose. I just hate that he has to get wrapped up in my mother's delusions regarding her age."

"If he is willing to pretend like you are Renee's sister, he must really like you," Alice replies, trying to put a positive spin on things. I know that she is right – Edward likes me – but I just can't stop the self-doubt that wraps around me like a snuggie or a slanket. I'm borderline self-destructive in relationships. Hell, I have no idea how me and Marcus lasted so long.

I thought Marcus and I were solid, meant for each other, and then suddenly... he's gone. Sure, in hindsight he ended up being a massive douche bag, but it sucked getting dumped. I'm not looking forward to the inevitable repeat. "I can tell by the look on your face you aren't thinking straight, Bells. Edward is not Marcus."

"I know," I reply with a sigh.

"Listen, I have to be out of here in half an hour, so let's get dressed and I'll have the cab drop you off at the Canal Room before I head to Jasper's alright?"

When I get to the bar, I tug at the sequined mini dress Alice forced me to slip on. It's hers, so of course it's a bit small on me, but it certainly looked good when I saw myself in the mirror. It's a little flashier than I usually wear, but when she reminded me where I was going tonight, and with who, I decided to try and glam it up a bit.

The shoes are already killing me.

The club is currently dead since it's early, so I make my way past Tyler at the door and I look around, hoping that Edward has arrived. Just as near the bar, I feel a hand grasp my upper arm, taking me by surprise.

"You look... beautiful," Edward's smooth voice declares as I turn around and come face to face with what should basically be called perfection.

"You too," I reply in a haze as I shamelessly eye fuck him, taking in his dark suit, thin tie and suitably mussed up hair. I smack myself in the face for my stupid comment and Edward just laughs. Perhaps I am lovable with my stupid behavior after all. "You have a drink already."

"I do," he replies as he lifts his hand to show the amber liquid in his glass. "Let's go get you something. I think you need it."

"I had some drinks at Alice's. She made me wear this dress and these atrocious shoes."

"Remind me to thank her later," Edward comments before he waves the bartender over and I order a rum and coke, which he insists on paying for. After I get my drink, his hand presses at the small of my back as Edward guides me through the club to a private table near the back. It is here where I can't shut the fuck up.

"I saw you here a few weeks ago with some friends of yours," I state before I take a huge gulp of my drink. Edward's eyes widen and he looks completely shocked. "I was here with Alice and we were having a girls' night out. When I finally got up the balls to go and talk to you, you had already left."

"How did I miss you?"

"I'm fairly forgettable," I reply easily as Edward leans over and his lips brush against the shell of my ear.

"You are far from forgettable, Bella. You obviously don't see yourself clearly." I turn slightly, shocked by Edward's smooth words, but he simply moves closer to me, his hand now on the back of my chair. "Half of the men in here are eyeing you up in that tight dress, which flaunts all your best assets, trust me." I'm a little slack jawed at Edward's comment, so I take a sip of my drink and just smile at him. "So, what time do we need to be at the gallery?"

"I think we can make an appearance around 9:30 and then slip out unnoticed after about five minutes," I reply simply.

"You don't want to stick around for a bit?"

"These gallery openings for my mother are like one big train wreck. She has known these people for ages, and it's just one big excuse to get drunk on someone else's dime. The less time we are there, the better, really. Plus, I wouldn't put it past her to hit on you."

"Really? Is she cute?" I smack Edward on the arm but he continues to charm me with his smile and sweet words. "I'm kidding. I only have eyes for one Swan woman."

"Good answer."

"So... you mentioned that these people have known your mother for a while, right?" I nod, curious to where Edward is going with this. "Did you ever think that one of them could be your dad? Or maybe they know who he is?"

I lean back and feel Edward's finger graze against the bare skin of my back in a very soothing way. He's right; these people know Renee almost as well as I do, but they have been there since the beginning of her career, which took off right before I was conceived. Surely, someone in this crowd could know something right? Especially, since I haven't heard from Didyme yet. I'm still confident that she is the quickest and best way to find the information I want, but I'm not sure she is willing to help.

"There's a chance that I could get information, but I doubt any of the men could be my dad. After all, with the exception of Garrett and a few of the married ones, most of Renee's friends are gay."

"Maybe she got a sperm donor?"

"No, Renee would have shared that info with me and if it was a gay friend of hers who donated, she would have let me have a relationship with them. I can't help thinking that either she is ashamed of who my father is, or there is something else going on."

"Well, it can't hurt to test the waters, right?"

"I guess not," I answer as I watch Edward polish off his drink and then lick his lips.

We continue with random conversation about my mother and her past until Edward notices the time. We have to get going to the gallery or else Renee will never let me live this down. She was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement over the prospect of meeting Edward and though I am usually a disappointment to her, I won't be one tonight. Well, not on purpose.

Edward's hand is wrapped around me, gripping my waist, as we walk into the Carnegie Gallery. There are more people there than I expected, but Renee is clearly thrilled to be the center of attention.

She has a glass of champagne in one hand, Garrett is at her side, and she is waving madly to a painting of hers that adorns the wall. I see the little red sticker beside it, signaling that it has been sold, and I'm both proud and mortified, since it's a self portrait of my mother naked.

"Where do we start?"

"The bar, preferably," I answer, my body suddenly tense as I see a few more paintings and notice they are also nudes. "Jesus fuck, why does she have to paint herself naked?"

"The crowd seems to like it," Edward replies as I cringe beside him and fight off the urge to cover his eyes. A waiter walks by with a tray filled with champagne flutes and I quickly grab two before dragging Edward away from the area filled with Renee's work. "Easy does it," he urges as I down the first glass and try to take his away from him. "The booze isn't going to make this better, you know."

"Yeah, but maybe I will get so drunk I won't remember that I basically just saw my mother's labia on canvas. Oh my god, I am so sorry I dragged you to this." I suddenly hear the clacking of heels and a small squeal and I know my mother is approaching us. I can feel it in my bones. "Regardless of whatever goes down, I really do like you and for what it's worth... I am soooo sorry."

"Don't stress, Bella," Edward advises as he pulls me to his side again just as Renee comes to a stop.

"Bella, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" Renee has her hands on her hips and her dress doesn't fit particularly well, so the top is hanging off in a very non-flattering way. I want to hand my mother a sweater or a garbage bag, to slip on. Anything would be better than the fact that if she bent over she would be flashing Edward her tits.

"Mo...Renee, this is Edward Cullen. Edward, this is Renee Swan." They exchange handshakes and quick pleasantries as Edward smiles down at me, trying to ease the tension.

"Cullen... I know that name from somewhere, don't I?" Renee questions as Didyme approaches, looking impeccable like always. "Did, do we know the name Cullen? Did I sell them something once?"

"God, I hope not," I mutter under my breath as Edward squeezes me and I fight back the urge to run.

"My parents run Forks Restaurant in TriBeCa. Perhaps you have been there before?" I blanche, because I forgot to tell Edward that I didn't want him to mention that I work there, and I can see that Didyme has the same expression on her face that I do. "It's across from the NYPD precinct."

Renee turns a very subtle shade of pale, but I can see something Edward said has affected her. I'm suddenly very curious about what it might be, but I don't get the chance to ask. "I know the place, but I can't say I know your parents. It's been a pleasure to meet you Edward. Enjoy the show."

I reach to grab Didyme's hand, wanting to stop her and question her about helping me, but Renee is pulling her away in the opposite direction. Didyme does raise her hand to her ear and give me the ol 'call me' move, but I'm still disappointed.

"That was weird and nothing at all like I expected. She wasn't nearly as bad as you made her out to be, Bella."

"That's because something is going on. You mentioned the restaurant and she grew quiet. She didn't even try to hit on you or flash her vag at you. Either she is sick, or she is up to something."

* * *

**Have you been following PTB's Smut University this summer? I am one of the professors (though I use that term loosely) and will be interviewed on July 28th! I'm nervous and excited, so I'm nercited! **

**Also, I am donating an EPOV of the first E & B meeting from Dancing On My Own as part of Fandom For Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Donate at fandom4lls . blogspot . com or follow them on twitter at Fandom4LLS.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay, let's clarify something from the last chapter - I would never make Bella and Edward related. Carlisle is not Bella's father. This isn't Flowers in the Attic or some V.C. Andrews stuff, got me? Good. I was shocked by the number of reviews curious to know if I was making Carlisle her dad. Um... no. That is creepy.**

**MaggieMay14 makes this shit look good. Risbee and Acinad816 pre-read like a boss!**

**I don't own Twilight. I do own a mother's day card made of wallpaper.**

* * *

I'm sitting on the floor of my bedroom, the Civil Wars streaming from my iPod, surrounded by copies of newspaper clippings about my mother I was able to get from the library over a week ago. I tried to talk to my mother after her gallery show the other day, but she was standoff-ish and practically ignored my questions. So, I decided to try and get some answers elsewhere, like usual. Between work and whatever this thing is with Edward, I haven't had time to focus on the documentary, but I'm trying today.

Several of the articles I printed from the archives are about museum or gallery showings, and give glowing reviews about my mother's prowess and career as an artist. There were some grainy pictures included, but I didn't recognize anyone but Renee, who was always front and center, grinning madly. I also had unearthed my birth announcement, though it didn't give me any new information.

_Renee Patricia Swan, of Manhattan, is pleased to announce the birth of her daughter, Isabella Marie Swan._

_Isabella arrived at 2:31am on Wednesday September 13, 1990 at Bellevue Hospital Center. She weighed 7 pounds, 6 ounces and measured 20 ½ inches in length. Proud grandparents are Lionel and Lola Clarke of Phoenix, Arizona and._

I look at the announcement again and do a double take. One, how did I never notice that Renee and Papa & Nana have different last names and two, why is the end cut off? That's some shitty ass editing there, New York Post.

I highlight the section furiously in yellow and my mind begins to run away with itself. Was Renee ever married? She did change her last name? If so, why? And why does it look like the announcement was edited? All of these reasons pique my interest and it's with a sense of satisfaction and renewed interest that I look upon my mother a few minutes later as she knocks on my door and sticks her head in.

"I am planning to order in some Thai, you want some? I was going to ask if you have plans with Edward," she adds in a sing song voice as I roll my eyes, "but you certainly aren't dressed for a hot date with a Greek god."

"First of all, Edward is not a Greek god," I reply as I shove my papers into the bottom drawer of my dresser where I have been keeping everything related to my father and my documentary. If I am being honest, Greek gods have nothing on Edward. "Secondly, Thai sounds really good actually." Renee has a gleam in her eye that hasn't been there in a while, and I jump at the chance to get some time alone with her. "How about a girls' night in? Or do you have plans with Garrett?"

"Nope, it's just me tonight... well now, it's you and me." I smile and give a curt nod, though in the back of my mind I am thinking of all the ways I plan to deceive my mother, in addition to how I already have.

I am a shitty daughter.

But I need answers.

It's just after nine when my phone buzzes with a text from Edward. My mother drunkenly grins from ear to ear. "Is that Ed-ward?" I nod and quickly read his text. He's just checking in and I write back to let him know that I am spending the night in with my mother. I'm sure he's shocked, but when I tell him my motive, he won't be. He writes back with a quick 'goodnight and good luck' and I can't hide my smile. "So, is he your boyfriend or are you just fuck buddies?

"Renee," I shout, aghast. I pause, because she is right and I have no idea what the heck we are. "We're just taking it easy."

"Whatever." Renee waves her hand dramatically at me, her red wine sloshing over from her glass and I look at her confused. "The way your face lit up when you texted says it's anything but easy."

"It's just... I'm not getting my hopes up. He's a nice guy and we're just gonna see what happens."

"I bet you'll be pregnant within a year," my mother blurts out as I look at her with my mouth wide open. That is definitely something that is not even on my radar, let alone up for discussion. "Oh, don't look so surprised, it happened to me."

"Oh?" I inquire; my interest piqued as Renee leans back against the couch and takes a long sip of her merlot.

"Sometimes, you just have to let the wind take you where you need to go, Bella."

"What does that even mean?" Renee is being beyond cryptic and she just smiles at me and raises her glass.

"It's good that you are taking it easy, but don't take it too easy. You could lose something that means the world to you."

"Are you talking about...?" I want to say 'dad' but the words won't come from my mouth, and I don't know why. Instead, I switch tactics. "Who did you lose?"

"No one... I'm just speaking metaphorically, Bella, and since when do you listen to me?"

"When you have something I want to hear, I listen." Renee reaches over and ruffles my hair, which frustrates me to no end, but then she slips. "You look just like him, you know."

No, I don't know.

I have no fucking idea who my dad is so how would I know that I look like him. Instead of railing at her for keeping my father a secret for over twenty years, I answer her with a quick sigh and leave it at that.

"He was smart, so... smart. You get your brains and your looks from him. Your maturity, too. I'm still not mature enough to be your mom, but thank god for Alice's parents helping out. We managed, but I was never a good mom, was I?" Renee now seems reflective and depressed, and I'm not sure that bodes well for me tonight. "I tried though. I still do."

I sit up and pull her in for a hug, trying my best to reassure her. "You know what? We both did the best we could. I never lacked for anything and you always provided for me. You were the best mom you knew how to be."

"Remember that year you gave me bath salts and a huge card covered in wallpaper for Mother's Day?" I don't, but I nod anyways. "You were in kindergarten and it was the cutest thing ever. There was a little poem inside telling me to have some peace and quiet by having a bath. Then on father's day you brought home a rock painted all different colors. It was supposed to be a paperweight, or a book end or something, but you said it was a door stop to keep the bathroom door open when I use my bath salts. I hated that I was both your mom and your dad, Bella. I really did hate it."

"Then why... why didn't I have a dad?"

"He wouldn't listen to me. Charlie was... Charlie..." Renee whispers his name one more time before bursting into tears.

I want to feel vindicated or something, but I'm not. I've gotten a first name out of her, though she did so drunkenly and probably won't remember a thing in the morning. I coddle my mother on the couch until she falls asleep. After I've rested a blanket over her and made sure she is somewhat comfortable, I dart to my room and position my video camera to record myself. I need to have this information if I am going to follow through with my documentary.

I push my hair from my eyes and turn on a light, making sure the room is bright enough before I speak into the camera.

"I'm not particularly proud of myself, but with Renee somewhat... inebriated, she was able to open up to me like she had never had before. I know for a fact that she never told my father that I ever existed, but I also know his name. Charlie. I wonder if he's a Charles or prefers Chuck? I don't particularly like either, so Charlie works. Now, I need to find out more."

* * *

On Sunday afternoon, I finish my shift at Forks and am about to walk out to head home, when Edward walks in. He's got a hat on backwards and is in the process of pulling his apron off when he sees me and lights up. "Well, fancy meeting you here."

"I know, it's so odd... since I work here and all." Edward grins crookedly, and I can't help but smile back at him. "You done for the day?"

"Yup, what about you?" I nod softly as Edward reaches down to take my hand in his, our fingers entwining easily as I catch Esme smiling brightly from the corner of my eye. "What do you say to dinner with me?"

"Are you offering to cook or do you plan to take me out?"

"I'm a chef, of course I would cook for you, but you would need to come to my place. No food truck grub for you. Well, not today." My cheeks burn pink at the thought of being alone with Edward in his apartment. I glance down at my clothes and groan. "You want to go home and freshen up, don't you?"

"Yeah, I just need like... an hour. Is that okay?"

"I'll wait forever for you," Edward whispers before he kisses me gently on the temple and helps me out the door. "I'll text you my address, be there by six, sweetheart." I nod and wave as I bounce away, suddenly feeling like my day is taking a wonderful turn.

I rush in the door and quickly strip before running into the shower. In twenty minutes I have shaved, buffed, polished and primped every inch of me and when I look in the mirror, I look kinda pretty. It's just dinner with Edward, but I'm still wracking my brain about what to wear. Though I know we won't go far, since he's probably working in the morning and I know he worked all day today, it can't hurt to put a little effort into my clothes. However, I have nothing that works.

Wrapped in a towel, with one perched on my head, I stroll into Renee's room, hoping to find a sundress or something that would be sexy, but didn't scream 'fuck my brains out'. Without thinking, I push the door open and am shocked to see Garrett lying completely naked with a gag or something in his mouth as my mother sits astride him.

"Oh holy lord," I shout as I run from the room, the towel from my head falling over my eyes and making me trip and hit my knee on the hall table. "Shit. Fuck. Christ." I grab my now swollen knee and hobble my way into my bedroom.

I cannot unsee what just happened, but I want nothing more than to bleach my brain or have short-term memory loss. Anything to rid myself of _that_.

I slip on some panties and a bra, suddenly feeling very unsexy and not too interested in having dinner with Edward, since I'm not sure I can keep any food down, when there is a soft knock on my door.

"Bella."

"No, Renee. I'm not here. I'm leaving, and I don't want to talk about it." I pull on a pair of shorts that hug my ass and grab a tunic from my closet. It's not a dress like I wanted, but I look alright, I suppose. Well, except for the red knee that is swollen like a baseball.

"It's just..." Renee continues to pester me until I fling open the door and she is standing there in a robe, while her bedroom door remains open. I glance and see Garrett still lying there and he waves happily, like this is the most normal thing in the world.

"What?"

"Did you need something?"

"Yeah, I needed not to see that!" I shout. "I thought you guys were away for the weekend."

"We came back early," she replies as I let out a small groan. "Next time we'll be louder, alright?"

"No... no. I don't want there to be a time where I come home and you are fucking him loudly, so I get the hint. As far as I am concerned you don't have sex, especially with him. Hang something on the outside door knob... anything. Something to tell me you are... indisposed. I don't want to see it or hear it." I shut my bedroom door and finish getting ready as quickly as I can, since I don't want to stay in the apartment any longer than is absolutely necessary.

It's a few minutes before six when I find myself standing in front of Edward's apartment door in SoHo, ready to knock. I'm nervous, and my knee hurts like a son of a bitch, but I'm determined to make the best of the evening. My hand raps anxiously against the door and it takes only a moment before the door flies open and Edward is standing in front of me looking absolutely delicious.

He's barefoot, in a tight black t-shirt and jeans. There is something yummy cooking on the stove and he pulls me in, shutting the door quickly behind me, before he pushes me up against it, his lips firm against mine.

It's all tongues and lips, softness and hardness, give and take, as his hands wind their way into my hair as he holds on for dear life. Not that I am ready to let go either, but I need to get a little weight off my leg, so I pull away.

"Sorry about that, I just...I couldn't stop myself," Edward replies with a grin as he licks his lips and I want to kiss him again, preferably while lying down and naked.

"No, it was fine. More than fine. Exquisite really," I gush as Edward pulls me further into his small, but cozy apartment. "It's just..."

"What's wrong?"

"I ran away from my mother when I caught her fucking Garrett in her bedroom. I went in there cause I was looking for a sexy dress to wear for our date, if this is even a date, and I fucked up my knee. I had my towel on my head, wrapped around my hair like a turban, you know? Anyways, it fell in my face and now I'm rambling on about little shit and... I'm broken."

"It's a good thing I'm handy and like to fix things." Edward scooped me up into his arms and brought me over to his couch, lying me down so my legs were extended and there was no weight on them. He stepped into the kitchen and came back a minute later with a towel and a bag of frozen peas to use as an ice pack.

"My hero," I gushed as I kissed his cheek and he smiled brightly at me.

"Let me go check on dinner and then we can talk more. Do you want some wine?"

"Sure, I'll drink just about anything." Edward stepped away, and I immediately missed his closeness. Of course, it didn't take him long to make me feel all warm and fuzzy again.

"By the way, Bella, you don't need a dress to look sexy. I think you look great right now, swollen knee and all."

Yup, I was in big trouble with this smooth-talker.

**Looking for something new to read? I've recently read 'Playing it Straight' and 'Bun in the Oven' by MissWinkles and I love them both so far. A Life Less Ordinary by CullensTwiMistress has captured my attention and so has The Little Pink House by staceleo. So, go give them a read and tell them I sent you.**

**Also, don't forget about Smut University. I am being interviewed by the on July 28th and will have my article 'Where were these teenage sex gods where I was in school?' posted in August. Follow PTB on twitter to get updates on when the students post their smut!**


	11. Chapter 11

**It's Monday again, so here we are. I adore MaggieMay14 for beta'ing this beast and Risbee & Acinad816 are awesome pre-readers. I'm hoping to keep posting on Mondays, but it depends on how quickly I get chapters written.**

**I don't own Twilight. I do own two tickets to see coldplay in Toronto next Monday! Woo Hoo!**

* * *

"I feel useless," I complain as I look at Edward, who is moving about the kitchen effortlessly. We are like night and day because he is so at home in the kitchen, and I can barely boil water. Thankfully, Edward doesn't seem to care.

"Well, I didn't invite you here to dust or vacuum. Just enjoy being off your feet for five minutes," Edward answers as he tosses something, I don't know what, into his delicious looking pot and stirs it before covering it. "It should be about ten minutes or so until it's done."

"What are you making anyways?"

"Spaghetti with red clam sauce. I've also got a salad, some garlic bread and strawberry panna cotta." I'm floored that Edward has gone to such lengths for our date, but it also makes me blush. Just as I am about to say something, Edward comes over and sits on the couch, lifting my legs so that they rest on his, and I can keep mine outstretched. "How's the knee holding up?"

"Well, I'm still in one piece, so there's that." I shrug my shoulders as his hands move slowly from my ankle to my knee, massaging gently and making me turn to a huge pile of goo. I hold back what I'm sure is a wanton moan, as his hands move with ease against me. "You can massage too? Is there anything you can't do well?"

"Well, cooking school wasn't the pinnacle of my life, but it doesn't seem to have mattered much in the long run." Edward pauses for a moment and looks outside his living room window. The early evening sun is streaming into the room and it is nice and cozy, even more so since Edward has been rubbing my legs fantastically. Though, I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought of him using those hands to rub something else. "I dropped out after six months. I couldn't take all the theory and it just wasn't what I thought it would be. I learned everything I needed to know in my mom's kitchen."

"You look so in the zone in your kitchen, how do you handle having Emmett with you in the food truck?" I question, curious. I've never seen anyone so focused before, unless you count Renee when she paints, but I generally steer clear of her then because I know she doesn't like when her concentration is broken.

"What is this, an interview?" Edward questions as I thrust my hand in front of him, pretending I'm holding a microphone and he starts to laugh. "Are you going to ask me if I am wearing boxers or briefs?"

"I'm Isabella Swan from Gourmet Magazine and we are doing a feature on the most fuck-awesome food truck in Manhattan..."

"Is fuck-awesome even a word?"

"It is for Gourmet Magazine," I reply with a giggle as Edward brings the foot of my good leg up and kisses my ankle softly, distracting me from my mission. God, how I want his hands to move further north. I snap my head back, attempting to focus. "Anyways, Edward Cullen, chef and masseuse extraordinaire, how do you handle cooking with your rather outgoing brother in such close quarters?"

"Emmett doesn't cook. He's the brains behind the marketing, the promotion and he can sell with the best of them, but he doesn't cook. Thank god, or we wouldn't be in business."

"Sounds like me."

"You can't cook Miss Swan?"

"Does macaroni & cheese count? I'm alright at that on a good day. I'm excellent with a take-out menu. In fact, I'd probably medal at the take-out menu Olympics." Edward rolls his eyes at me, but laughs easily. At least he likes my sense of humor.

"Macaroni & cheese does not count."

"Alright, when did you know you wanted to start the food truck?" Edward smiles and seems pleased that I am eager to get to know him more. Also, we still have time to kill while our tasty dinner finishes cooking and this is kinda fun.

"I didn't know until I ran into someone I knew from culinary school. He was doing it part-time and I hung out with him for an afternoon. I love the constant hustle and bustle of it. We're always busy, and if we're not, we just up and move to somewhere we will be busy."

"How do people find you?"

"Emmett updates the website every morning telling people where we will be, and then he keeps updating our Twitter account throughout the day. He tells our specials, funny anecdotes and offers deals and shit. He's really done a great job with the business side of things."

"What is your favorite meal to cook?" I ask, again pushing my invisible microphone at him.

"I love making quiche, though it gets a bad rap for not being very manly. It's surprisingly easy to make, healthy and you can use virtually anything you have on hand, so long as there is eggs, cheese and a pie crust."

"Hmm... a gay partner and you love quiche, is there something our readers should be aware of, Edward?" As I begin to laugh, Edward launches himself forward, careful not to hurt my knee further, and begins to kiss the ever living shit out of me. I'm pressed hard against the sofa and I can feel something else very hard against my thigh. I try to move my hand down to grasp him through his jeans, but Edward grips my hand and pushes it down above my head, just as the timer goes off.

"I think you have the answer to your question, Miss Swan."

"Yes, I certainly do," I reply as Edward climbs from me and heads into the kitchen, leaving me completely breathless and desperately wanting more. "But I was hoping for an in-depth demonstration."

Dinner is nothing short of spectacular, and with a mouthful of food and a huge smile on my face, I have no shame in asking Edward if I can move in. "You can cook for me every day and I will reward you, I promise."

"Tempting," Edward answers as he takes a sip of his wine and eyes me up. He looks hungry even though he's almost done his dinner and I find my blush returning once more.

"I meant rewards like... I'll make the popcorn on movie nights. I'll do your laundry..."

"In a French maid's costume?"

"Umm no. I can probably get a maid's costume from the Sheraton through Alice though."

"Nah, we'll skip it. Anyways, theirs are kinda ugly. I was picturing you in some black and white lacy number that leaves very little to the imagination." Edward smirks happily, no doubt imagining me in that very outfit, before he changes the topic. "Why don't you take some of the money you've earned at the restaurant and rent your own place?"

"Cause the only place I could afford would probably be in Paterson, New Jersey," I mumble as I finish eating. "Do you really want to date a Jersey girl? I could be like JWoww or Snookie. I'll buy AquaNet by the gallon and tan myself until I look like an oompa loompa." Edward looks aghast as I break out into laughter and then take the final swig of my wine. "Doesn't sound appealing?"

"I'd kinda like my girlfriend to not look like an orange." We both pause and stare at each other, our mouths wide open. Me in shock that he thinks of me as his girlfriend, or would like to, and him at the fact that he just blurted that out. "Can we go back in time about five seconds?"

"No can do buddy, the cat is out of the bag, so to speak. For the record, that is not a euphemism for me being without panties." Edward looks even more shocked at my comment as he watches me head back to my perch on the couch, and he follows suit, this time sitting closer as my legs rest on his. My knee is feeling remarkably better, but I love the attention from him, so I say nothing. "So...girlfriend huh?"

"I was kinda hoping we were working up to that, yeah." Edward is rubbing one hand against the back of his neck, clearly nervous, and the other is resting on my leg. "If we are not on the same page, feel free to tell me, it's just...I like you...a lot."

I grab Edward's face and pull him towards me, our lips pressing roughly against each other as he turns until he hovers over me and my sore leg is dangling from the couch. Fuck the leg; I'll live. "We are definitely on the same page," I reply, breathlessly, before I kiss him again.

We end up on the couch until the city lights have come out and the sky is dark as ink. Though we don't spend the entire time kissing, I can't complain about how we do spend our time. He has no TV in his living room, so we simply listen to music and talk about anything and everything, like new couples do.

We are a couple.

The thought makes me giddy.

I discover we share a dislike for raisins and he refuses to cook with them, though he likes grape juice. He likes being the youngest child in his family, but admits it was hard to be in Emmett's shadow because he has always been such a likeable and lovable guy, whereas Edward was a bit moody.

"I can't picture you as moody."

"Oh, my teen years were not pretty, baby," he says and I smile at his casual use of the term baby. It's cute, and I know I am being immature, but I like it. I like being his. "Emmett had just come out and I was crying out for attention, so I acted out. I got into a little trouble with the law, but my mother straightened me out."

"I bet she did." I laugh as I picture a younger Edward being pulled by his ear by his mother from the precinct near the restaurant. "What did you do?"

"A little vandalism, a little theft and some underage drinking." Edward's fingers entwine through mine as we lie side by side on the couch, facing each other. It's intimate and I wish we were wearing less clothes. "There was that little manslaughter charge once."

"Oh yeah?" I reply, not even paying attention because all I can think about is how I can feel his hardness between us and I can see a smattering of chest hair poking through from the top of his v-neck t-shirt.

"Yeah, it was just a huge misunderstanding and I certainly didn't kill anyone. I may have kidnapped and drugged them, but no murder took place."

"Hmmm..." I answer as I can't help but let my fingers roam across the neckline of his shirt. It's calling out to me, and it's been sooo long since I've done anything but kiss anyone. I lean down and kiss his neck as Edward freezes beneath me. Shit. "What's wrong?"

"I just told you I was charged with murdering someone and you didn't even flinch."

"Wait... what?" I sit up quickly, my knee knocking against Edward's groin in the process and we both shout out in pain. "You murdered someone?"

"Fuck no, I was trying to see if you were paying attention," Edward counters, a huge grin plastered on his face as I smack him across the chest. "Apparently something is more important, so... do tell."

"I was just admiring your fine features... your many fine features, actually."

"Oh really?" Edward's interest is definitely piqued and I refuse to hold back from him. He is my boyfriend, right? I straddle his hips, ignoring the slight ache in my knee and kiss his neck again, followed by his chin and his lips. "I like where this is going."

My hips involuntarily push and pull against his and I can feel him straining beneath me. "I like it, too," I reply, trying to sound all husky and sexy, but certain I come across a little bit spastic.

I wrap my hands into the hair at the nape of his neck and kiss him hard, our tongues desperate to touch and taste the other, as I press myself as hard against him as I can. I want to surround him, to be consumed by him, but mostly I just want him.

"Let's go to your room," I offer, finally able to gain the courage to say something I've been thinking about all night, but Edward stops, and I falter. Apparently, I'm not as strong as I think I am.

"I was going to ask you to stay the night, but... I don't think we need to rush this, Bella. Kissing and messing around is one thing, but I want us to feel something when we make love for the first time."

"Oh, I'll feel something alright," I reply, trying to laugh off the complete awkwardness I feel right now and then it hits me. "Oh my god, you aren't a virgin are you?"

"Fuck, no, I'm not Bella." Edward shouts, obviously exasperated with me at this point. "Have you ever taken things slow with a guy and not jumped in to having sex right away?"

"Not really, no."

"Well, I think it would be really worth it for both of us if we waited."

"You know I don't need like rose petals and candlelight, right? I've wanted to jump your bones since the first time I saw you. I'm a sure thing." Edward lifts me from his lap and gives me a half smile that makes my insides churn in the worst way.

"You have no idea how much I want to carry you to my room, strip you bare and fuck the hell out of you right now. You are a beautiful, tempting vixen, but I want to have more with you than just mind-blowing sex."

"So, you agree that it will be mind-blowing, right?"

"Fuck, it will be epic and we'll scream and praise god when we come, alright?"

"Just checking." I smile, happy to see some of his humor return as he takes my hands in his and begins to kiss the tips of each of my fingers softly. Yeah, my vag is weeping now.

"We can be so much more... so fucking good together, but I don't want to rush. There's no hurry, Bella. I'm not going anywhere." And it's right at this moment that I start to fall. I don't know where I'm going, but I will follow him anywhere.

"Me either."

"Now, come to bed... to sleep. It's late and raining and there is no way I am letting you head home now." I mumble a quick okay and follow Edward to his bedroom. I watch as he rifles through his drawers and pulls out a t-shirt for me to sleep in.

When we crawl into his oversized bed five minutes later, I feel very unsure. That is until Edward wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me against him.

I have never slept better.

**Onto more interesting things: I am helping to judge a contest called 'Taste of the Forbidden' for which you can find info here: u/4076435/. ****I am also participating as a professor for Project Team Beta's Smut University and my article will post in early August - 'Where were these teenage sex gods when I was in school?'**

**Oh and I will be contributing an EPOV outtake from this story for Fandom For Leukemia and Lyphoma Society, so make sure you donate! www . fandom4lls . blogspot . com**


	12. Chapter 12

**Happy Rex Manning Day! I'm going to see Coldplay in concert tonight in Toronto. I may be a wee bit excited. It's a pre-birthday gift to myself. LOL. MaggieMay14 is an awesome beta and she's even babysitting for me tonight! Risbee and Acinad816 are pre-reading stars.**

I'm sitting on Edward's couch, resting my tired feet and aching knee after a long day at the restaurant, as he quickly takes a shower. I have to admit, I wish I was in the bathroom with him, but I am doing my best to exercise a little self-control where he is concerned. I am known to have virtually no self control. Halloween candy? It's usually gone within a few days. Chocolate? Can't even be in my line of sight or I will devour it. Edward? Yeah... he's on the same ground as chocolate right about now. Of course, it's been a week since our dinner date where he, I mean we, decided to take it slow, but it has been an excruciatingly long week.

"Bella, can you get the chicken out of the fridge for me?" Edward calls out, shortly after I hear the shower turn off. Yeah, I might have been listening to the shower and imagining him in there naked, so what? He's in there... with nothing on... and I'm stuck out here pretending to be the good girl. It really sucks.

I shout back my agreement, and reluctantly climb off the couch and stumble my way into his immaculate kitchen. Not that I would expect any less from a chef, but it's practically sterile, like you could perform an appendectomy on the counter, kind of sterile. I want to grab some paprika or bread crumbs and sprinkle them on the counter to make it look like someone actually lives here.

Once I've set the chicken out on the counter, I find myself curious about all of Edward's new fangled and very random assortment of kitchen utensils. I'm not much of a cook, but I can appreciate the effort it takes to make something that is absolutely delicious. Sort of like I can appreciate the effort Edward takes in tossing on a pair of cargo shorts and a t-shirt, fresh from the shower. He smells like water, Irish Spring and sexy boy. Needless to say, I'm speechless. "What are you doing?" he questions as he catches me holding a spatula towards my mouth, like I am about to sing into it, which I totally was about to do.

"Contemplating my future audition for The Voice?" I offer with a shrug of my shoulder. Edward laughs and slips the spatula from my fingers with a wide, and extremely adorable, smile on his face. "I'm tossed up between 'Baby Got Back' or 'Me So Horny. I'm trying to find something that will appeal to Adam and Cee-Lo. What do you think?"

"Well the second probably wouldn't be aired on TV if you break into all those breathy moans and yeah..." Edward stops for a second and I see him quickly adjust himself. At least it's good to know I have some sort of affect on him. Unfortunately, he doesn't lift me on to the counter and proceed to turn me into a pile of girl goo with his mouth and fingers, like I am totally imagining in my head. Instead, he changes the topic. "Unless you want to help me cook, you should get out of the kitchen." I give Edward a sly grin and, as I turn to head back to my perch on the couch, he smacks my ass hard.

"Hey, you shouldn't use a spatula for that," I chide as I throw myself back on the couch and yank off my shoes. "So, what is on the menu tonight, Bobby Flay?"

"Homemade chicken tenders, using my mom's recipe." I perk up and I look into the kitchen and see Edward smirk.

It's weird, but encouraging, to be with a man who pays attention to me. I mentioned on Monday at work that I have an obsession with chicken fingers after Esme made me eat a plate of hers for lunch. They were to die for, and it makes me blush that Edward would go to such effort for me.

We chatter aimlessly while he cooks and I fiddle with this iPod until the smooth sounds of Bon Iver fill his apartment. For once, it's not unbearably warm outside, but it has begun to rain again. It's been on and off all day, which makes for a depressing day. Well, until I reached Edward's apartment, of course.

After dinner, we curl up on the couch literally watching the rain drops hit the window. Edward's fingers on his right hand are entwined with mine, while he softly strokes my hair with his left. It's arousing me but also making me sleepy, which kind of sucks.

"Why is such a great guy like you single?" I question as I nestle further into Edward's side, trying to be careful not to aggravate my knee. It's still sore from the other day, but after being on my feet all day, it's aching more than usual.

"I'm not single anymore, unless of course there is something you need to tell me."

"Shut it, you know what I mean. You are such a friggin catch, how is it that you weren't scooped up before?"

"It's hard to find someone who wants to date with my schedule. You've seen how it is. It's not like I'm available a lot and at night all I want to do is sleep. A lot of the girls I used to date wanted someone who was more accessible."

"Well, their loss is my gain, right?" I feel Edward kiss my temple and nod softly. I wonder what sort of meaning there is behind a kiss on the temple. Edward does it often and though I find it endearing, what if it means something non-romantic, ya know? It's not like he's sticking his tongue down my throat, which I'm sure has some sort of romantic or sexual connotations. The temple kiss just seems... non-complicated and easy. I'm not sure I like it anymore, or I could be over-reacting, which I have a tendency to do.

"How is it that you ended up with me?" I cringe a bit at Edward's question, because we haven't really discussed my past. I stop analyzing the meaning of his kisses and begin to fear this conversation. "The boys must have been lining up for you back in Boston."

"Not really."

"The girls, then? Please tell me it was the girls, because I have an image in my head right now..."

"Uh no," I reply, with a quick laugh as I smack Edward on the leg. "I had a serious boyfriend until about two months ago." I can feel Edward's body shift behind me, like he has tensed up or something, and I am reminded of why I didn't want to have this talk.

"How serious?"

"Not serious enough that he couldn't just up and leave me to go to Burning Man and dump me via text." I'm trying to be positive, and give Edward the answer he wants. I can tell he wants to know that I'm not hung up on my past, and that I am focused on the present with him, so I turn slowly and straddle his lap, kissing his chin softly. "You have nothing to worry about."

"Oh really? It's hard not to be worried when you find out your girl is only _recently_ single. I don't want to be a rebound, Bella. It never works out."

"Yes, really," I reply as my lips kiss the corner of his mouth and then I slowly pepper kisses down the side of his neck. "I'm over it... like so over it. Like, Jonas Brothers over it."

"What does that even mean?" Edward asks before he lets out a small groan as I rock my hips against his obvious erection, ignoring the ache in my knee. God, I wish this sex stoppage he put in place didn't exist. It's not like Marcus and I did it much in the weeks before we broke up, and Edward could relieve so much of his own, and my, stress with a little nookie. Unfortunately, he still looks like he won't go for it.

"You know... the Jonas Brothers aren't popular anymore. People are over them. They've moved on to the next boy wonder sensation like One Direction or whoever." Edward just nods and then I suck his bottom lip between my teeth as our kissing escalates to a full on make-out session.

His strong hands work their way up my back, holding me against him, as our lips continue to dance. When Edward grips my ass and begins to stand from the couch, I'm shaking with excitement. Perhaps a good old-fashioned wall fuck is in order to calm my arousal. Maybe he really doesn't have infinite patience and has decided to just... fuck the hell out of me.

Unfortunately, he carries me into his room and sets me down on the edge of his bed. "It's late; you should stay.I'll get you a t-shirt." Edward disappears into the bathroom and when he comes out, he immediately begins to search through a drawer for something for me to wear. I strip out of my clothes, leaving me in just a bra and panties, which causes Edward to stare at me, wide-eyed, when he turns around.

"Shit."

"Well, that wasn't exactly the response I was looking for," I reply as I pull my bottom lip between my teeth, trying to act all shy and innocent. Edward tosses the shirt at me and I shamelessly begin to remove my bra when he turns around and practically runs from the room.

What in the fuck?

I dutifully get dressed and climb into his huge bed and curl up on my side, willing my anxiety to go away. We had such a great night and I have to go and ruin it by trying to fuck him. What the hell is my problem? Then again, what in the hell is his problem that he doesn't want me? I've told him he doesn't need to worry about my past. I've told him that I am serious about him, and our time together is precious to me, so there must be something holding him back, right? I mean, I'm a fucking catch and if he can't see that, then I should just move on.

When Edward finally does come to bed, he doesn't say anything, but pulls me into his side and I attempt to go to sleep, but not before I offer a muffled 'I'm sorry.' He doesn't say anything in return, which makes me feel even worse.

It's barely light outside when I crawl out of bed, having gotten no sleep whatsoever. I scrawl a quick note on a scrap of paper telling him I had to leave for an early appointment, which is a lie, and leave. I fight back tears all the way home as I wonder what the hell went wrong.

* * *

It's Tuesday and I actually have the day off again. Not that I mind my schedule at Forks, but it's hard to manage time for myself sometimes. Renee just assumes that I'm off gallivanting around Manhattan and not really doing much of anything, however, the small but accumulating, balance in my bank account says differently.

Unfortunately, today is not as free as I would like, but I do have a lunch date with Didyme that I am determined to keep, because I am hoping she will give me some details on my past. Armed with my video camera and a small note pad, I walk into the Met at one o'clock, totally prepared.

I think.

At the reception desk, I have Didyme paged and a few minutes later I am informed that I can join on her on the fourth floor, where the Members Dining Room is located. This is far fancier than I expected, but I'm dressed decently enough in flats and a sundress. When I step off the elevator, Didyme is easy enough to find as she holds court with several other people near the bar, while dressed in some hideous orange fur hemmed fashion disaster. She looks like a reject from the Hunger Games and I want to know who told her this was stylish and then beat the shit out of them.

"Isabella, you look beautiful," she gushes as she comes towards me with her arms outstretched. I'm hopeful that her fur doesn't shed on my dress. As I look around I can't help but notice the major contrast between this restaurant and Forks, where I met with her last. I doubt they have chicken fingers here. "Let's sit down and enjoy some peace and quiet, shall we?" Did bids a curt farewell to the people she is chatting with and leads me away with a smile on her face.

"I can't stand having to suck up to some of the larger benefactors, but its all part of the job, I suppose." The skinny, blonde waitress is cordial and hands us our menus before swiftly turning away. "Did you know she once hit on my Liam at an event here a few years ago?"

"No shit," I reply as I look back at the waitress, who appears to only be a few years older than me. "Obviously it didn't work."

"It never works, darling. If you keep your man, or men in my case, happy then they will never stray." Didyme has a grin a mile wide on her face and I feel a little awkward as she discusses her love life. Renee told me years ago about how Didyme lives in a polyamorous relationship with two men, an older investment banker named Caius, and a younger artist named Liam. She doesn't publicly discuss this, and it's not well –known, but I figure if she isn't hurting anyone and she's happy, then what difference does it make? Didyme has always been a little bit odd, and this is no different. "Liam sweetly rebuffed her, as he is known to do, but every time I see her I think about that. Enough about me though, how is your man friend doing?"

"Man friend? What am I eighty? Do I look like Blanche from the Golden Girls?" I laugh as Didyme rolls her eyes. "I'm assuming you mean, Edward."

"Of course, dear. Edward seemed very sweet on you at the showing and he is very handsome. If I was a bit younger and willing to take on a third, you'd have competition." I choke back a snort and let out a small laugh. There is no way Edward would want to be the third in anything. Hell, these days, it seems like he has trouble being my only, and this has been weighing on my mind since I left his apartment the other night. I refuse to tell Did that things seem to have stalled a bit.

"Things are going well, Didyme," I lie effortlessly. "We've gone out a few times and he's made me dinner."

"He cooks? You should keep that one on a short leash, honey."

"He runs his own food truck. Well, he's the chef and his brother is the marketing genius and runs the business side of things, but still... he loves his job."

"There is nothing sexier than a man who knows how to cook, especially if he can do it well. Liam is talented in the kitchen as well, thank god, otherwise we'd never eat." The waitress returns and we order our lunch, both of us opting for salads and a glass of Pinot Grigio. We, well really Didyme, rambles on about virtually nothing at all through our meal and when the bill finally appears, I pull out my camera and decide to sort of ambush her. After all, this was the point of today's meeting.

"Oh Isabella, why can't you let this go?"

"Is there something to let go of, Didyme?" I question, a sour look crossing my face. "I wasn't an immaculate conception and Renee is far from the Virgin Mary, so it's only logical I would want to know where I came from."

"Fine, come to my office, and put that damn camera away."

Five minutes later, Didyme shuts the door in her small windowless office and makes me sit down. "Get out your ridiculous camera and make sure you get my good side." Didyme sits in her chair and positions herself so she looks very important, which I guess in my little movie, she is. With my camera clutched tightly in my hand, I urge Didyme to talk and after a small silence, I'm shocked by the information she reveals.

"Your mother never wanted to fall in love, you know?"

"What did she want?"

"Renee wanted a life in the spotlight, which she got thanks to her groundbreaking art. She wanted to paint and not stress about money. She wanted to have a child, but not a family. She's always been different, which is probably why we get along so well." Didyme pauses again and then lets out a small sigh. "She met your dad at a New Years Eve party in 1989. Everyone was partying hard, ushering in 1990 and your mother was enthralled by a boy who literally swept her off her feet. She was young, impressionable and thought she had the world by the balls. He was a smooth-talker, very caring and very... very impetuous. For Renee, it was love at first sight."

"This would be Charlie?"

"How do you know...?"

"She mentioned his name drunkenly the other night, but that was all she told me."

"It doesn't surprise me that she still thinks about him. I mean, it's been over twenty years, but I honestly think those months she had with Charlie were the happiest of her entire life." I try in vain to fight back a small smile, because the image of my mother head over heels in love with someone is promising. At least I wasn't the result of some in and out job in a van down by the East River. That has to count for something, right? "He was from the west coast, Seattle, Portland, or something like that. He came out to New York to try and find himself, not unlike what you are attempting to do these days, Isabella."

"Am I anything like him?"

"Well, I wish I could say I knew Charlie well, but I didn't. We met a few times and I will confirm that he was easy to look at with his thick dark hair, moustache and piercing eyes. He always watched your mother like she was the only person in the room. He was persistent, though Renee was a pushover for him, and together they were unstoppable."

"Then... what the heck happened?"

"Your mother got pregnant and your father got this crazy notion in his head that he needed to make a man of himself and support Renee and eventually you."

I want to stop the camera and sit back and cry for the lost romance of my parents, but then my movie would be lacking the realism I'm desperate to capture. I let a few tears fall as Didyme offers me a tissue and I attempt to focus on my mission. I need to know as much as I can and Didyme is my best source, or my only source, right now.

"Where did he go?"

"Against Renee's wishes, Charlie enlisted in the Army, thinking it was the best way to provide a solid future for the two of you. If I am not mistaken, he was eventually stationed in the Middle East to fight in the Gulf War."

**Looking for a rec? Try What If? by Twihart21 and Plight Thee My Troth by gingerandgreen. I loved both of these fics recently and am dying for updates. **

**Also, you should check out what has been written by the participants in this summer's Smut University, brought to you by Project Team Beta. The ones I have read have been very smart and dirty :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Happy Birthday to Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, and me. Oh, and Happy Olympics Day! I'm in a good mood, so I'm posting early, not that anyone will read while the Olympics are on. I love MaggieMay14 who babysat for me while I went to coldplay, the best concert ever. I adore Risbee and Acinad816 for pre-reading my shit.  
**

**I don't own Twilight, or the Olympics. I do have some lovely Innis & Gunn beer that I am devouring tonight.  
**

* * *

"You look a little… reflective today, Bella," Esme comments as I pause after cleaning off a table following the departure of my recent customers. The restaurant is slow today and when Esme told us someone could head home early if they wanted, Leah volunteered since she knew how much I needed the money. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, it's just fine," I lie, effortlessly as she looks at me, unbelieving.

"You are doing well here, Bella. I'm just worried that maybe you aren't… happy at Forks."

"Oh no, Esme. Things are going good here and I'm happy, please don't worry about that. I've just got some… uh… drama in my life separate from my work." I hope that this will appease her, but instead she seems to get more concerned. Esme has been a big supporter of me dating Edward, so it's no surprise she's now worried he has something to do with me being so thoroughly distracted.

"I trust that my son is behaving himself?" I stop myself from rolling my eyes, because he behaves himself a little too much for my taste, and remember that I am talking to the mother of the man I am apparently seeing.

Though, I suppose seeing would be a stretch. It's been like pulling teeth to get any sort of conversation out of him the last few days and neither of us has had time for anything even remotely close to a date. We've been relegated to texting, which makes me believe that the next course of action is to be dumped. I'm shit with this relationship crap, and after our last date it's no surprise, but I plaster a smile on my face for Esme, trying valiantly to make her believe me.

"Edward has been fine, Esme." I finish clearing the table and Esme can sense I'm not really interested in having some long, drawn out, discussion. If I am being honest, my issues with Edward have taken a back seat ever since my discussion with Didyme the other day. As I think back on everything she told me, it just seems so… unbelievable.

My mother loved my father with her entire heart and he stubbornly went off to war, thinking it was the only way to provide for his family.

Of course, my conversation with Did has only left me with more questions because we were interrupted shortly after her reveal when she had to get back to work. I'm dying to know what happened to Charlie in the Gulf War? Was he killed in action? Did he come home and my mother had already moved on? Did he see me and refuse to be a parent? Did Renee do something to make him stay away? What I need to do is figure out Charlie's last name and get my research on, but I need to finish my shift first.

The bells above the door ring out, pulling me from my thoughts, and I look up to see Alice saunter through the door like she owns the place. As per usual, she's full of smiles and sunshine. It's like there's a rainbow shoved up her ass and she practically shits out kittens; I wish I knew why she was so perpetually happy.

"Saturday night we're going out," she announces as she sits down at the counter and waves eagerly at Esme. In the several times Alice has stopped in to Forks, she and Esme have gotten along like long lost best friends. It's a little worrisome, but I may also be envious of their easy-going rapport. "Jasper knows about some party somewhere with some people and we're going with him."

"How vague; sounds fun," I answer sarcastically, as I come to another realization. "Oh, so I get to meet the elusive Jasper? He's been harder to see than the friggin Unabomber or one of those pictures you have to stare at to see something, only to be disappointed that it's a fucking boat or something."

"Yeah, Jasper will be there. You should bring Edward and then I can meet this figment of your imagination you think you are dating."

"Ha," I laugh haughtily, though she is so right. He might as well be a hallucination of mine considering how much I've not seen him lately. "I'll have you know that you have seen him before. He was the cute guy at Canal last time we went in."

"The one you spent most of the night getting up the nerve to go talk to, only to have him leave with his friends, because are you chicken shit?" Alice flaps her arms like a mad woman and I want to wipe the smugness right off of her face, preferably with my fists. However, we have an agreement in place, no using our fists, cause she might break a nail. I don't have the same concern.

"Oh hey, I created a new animal last night - the gofuckyourselfapotamus. It's distantly related to the eatshitanddinosaur & the takeaflyingfuckadactyl." I flip Alice the middle finger and I get a scolding look from Esme on the other side of the restaurant. Busted. "Anyways, about Saturday night, I'm not sure we can go."

"Got a night of hot and heavy... um... loving ahead of you?" This is major for Alice and I can see her cringe as she asks such a personal and sexual question. I know she is trying so hard not to run, so I give her an easy out.

"We're not doing it, so let's not discuss it."

"Wait… what?" Alice looks perplexed and I just want to crawl in a hole and die. "Are you guys seriously not…"

"Nope."

"I couldn't wait until after the second date to um... do stuff with Jasper. How many dates have you had?"

"Depends, do you count the fire escape convo? Probably not, right? We've had two, I guess."

"And nothing?"

"He wants to wait."

"For what? The apocalypse? Katie Holmes to make a good career move? What on earth could he be waiting for?"

"He thinks he sees long term potential in us and he doesn't want to rush things." I close my eyes, because even as I say it, it sounds kinda of ridiculous, but romantic.

"That's silly? So he's insinuating that because Jasper and I… did stuff… on our second date that there is no long-term potential? That's a pile of crap." I nod sullenly and Alice begins to grin madly, kind of like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. Honestly, it's a bit creepy. "Okay then, Saturday night, come with us anyways. Leave him to his waiting and just forget about Edward for the night. Come and enjoy yourself."

"I'll think about it," I answer as the bells ring again and in walk Edward and Emmett, both of them looking tired and frustrated. "Looks like it's your lucky day Miss Brandon. There's Edward."

His downtrodden frown turns into a slight smile as he sees me, but he doesn't approach immediately. Instead, he's cornered by his mother who seems to be scolding him as she points her finger and whisper yells at him. "Oh, someone is in trouble," Alice laughs as she then orders a slice of pie and a Dr. Pepper, insisting she needs the sugar to manage through her shift at the hotel in an hour. When Edward looks back at me again after his mother finished her tirade, he looked somewhat apologetic.

As he comes over, Alice grins from ear and ear, just waiting for an introduction.

"Hey, do you have a few minutes to um... talk?" he asks, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, since he is clearly anxious. "I'm sorry to interrupt."

"Oh, it's no problem. That's just Alice."

"Just Alice?" my friend scoffs before shoveling some pie in her mouth.

"Edward, this is my best friend since forever, Mary Alice Brandon, but don't ever use her full name. Alice, this is Edward Cullen, chef and food truck chef extraordinaire." Edward shakes her proffered hand and then gives her an awkward look.

"Alice... oh yeah, the one who can't talk about sex or anatomy, right? It's nice to finally meet you. Bella has told me lots about you."

"Clearly," Alice simpers as I give her a charming smile, at least I hope it's charming, but she turns to Edward and looks determined. "I'll have you know, I studied anatomy in school and I can say the words just fine. I just choose not to. Not everyone has to be so fucking vulgar and spit out every dirty word they know."

"Oh... alright," Edward answers, clearly caught off guard by Alice. She is certainly a special girl; though not eat the paste special. "So, Bella...two minutes?"

Edward begins to walk towards the back of the restaurant and through the kitchen and Alice motions with her hand for me to follow him, as I seem to have become frozen to my spot. I sprint to catch up to him, and when I do, he's already through the back door which leads outside.

"What in the fuck is going on?" he shouts as he door closes tightly behind us and I am surprised by the change in his attitude. "I thought things were going good with us... like really fucking good, actually... and then last week it was like you suddenly..."

"I suddenly what?" I snap.

"It was like you didn't even give a shit."

"I could say the same about you. I flirt overtly on the phone and on text, I come over for dinner and practically throw myself at you, and you run for the hills. I get that I'm not the prettiest girl in Manhattan, and you could have your pick of anyone because you are hot as hell, and I mean like Joe Manganiello in Magic Mike kind of hot, but you could at least pretend for five fucking minutes." I'm breathing heavily and I have to lean back against the wall to regain my footing, as I just want to fall over and cry.

"Who in the hell said you weren't pretty?" Edward asks, clearly incensed. "I think you are beautiful and anyone who can't fucking see that is blind."

"Then why don't you want to be with me?" I ask; my voice suddenly quiet. "We've determined that I'm attractive and you like me. You're not a virgin. Is there...is everything working alright?" Edward ruffles his eye brows together, trying to figure out what the fuck I am saying, and in an effort to illustrate my point, I reach down and grab his junk. He is clearly hard.

Well, there goes that theory.

"Bella, you need to stop, please," he begs with a groan as I peel my hand away, but my eyes are literally glued to his crotch. "I don't know what kind of half-assed men you've been with in the past, but me asking for time before we sleep together, isn't some shitty attempt to get you to fall into bed with me the next time we see each other. I was actually serious. "

"Oh."

"If I ask you to sleep over, it's because I want to be close to you, not because I want into your panties. Though, as you so obviously discovered a moment ago, I do want into them... just not today."

I slide down to the ground and curl my legs up against my chest as Edward comes over and follows me down, sitting down criss-cross applesauce. He nudges my shoulder with his and I can't help but look at him. He looks anxious; no doubt worried I'm going to end things before they even get going. He looks like I did twenty minutes ago before his mother questioned me on what was happening.

"Are we okay?"

"If I can get past my overwhelming urge to mount you like a racehorse, and also deal with my self-consciousness, we'll be just fine." I offer a half-assed grin as Edward wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his side. He follows it up with yet another kiss to my temple. "What's with all the temple kisses?"

"What?"

"You never noticed? You kinda do it a lot."

"Maybe it's cause you are at the right height. My lips and your temple are the same height."

"Really?"

"Bella, this is one of those instances where you are reading too much into shit. I just want to be close to you and kiss you. There's no hidden meaning, at least none that I'm aware of, alright?"

"Okay," I answer as I nuzzle into his side a bit more. Suddenly, the back door opens up and Emmett lumbers out, looking angry.

"Oh come on, now. Did you reconcile with your girlfriend? If so let's go we have shit to do E. I'm tired of you being such a emotional mopey mess this weekend."

"Fuck off."

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" Emmett asks with a laugh as storms back into the restaurant, in what can honestly be referred to as the weirdest few seconds ever.

"I gotta run before Emmett does something stupid, but listen... if you need the physical more than the emotional right now in our relationship, you have to tell me."

"I just need you."

"Are you sure? Cause I don't want a repeat of the other night where I have to, and let me say I really hated to do it, turn you down."

"I'm sure."

"Best answer ever." Edward wraps his hand around the back of my neck and pulls me to him for a searing kiss that makes my toes curl. His lips are soft, insistent and god, he tastes delicious as his tongue finds mine, easily and eagerly. When I pull away, I'm sure my smile is almost as bright as his.

"It's shit like that which really tests my resolve to wait, you know?"

"Oh believe me, I know."

Saturday night, I find myself standing with Alice and Edward outside of the Waldorf, wondering what the hell we are doing here.

"Jasper should be here any minute now. He just texted me."

"Excellent," I mumble into Edward's shirt as I stay as close to him as possible. It's actually pretty cool out for a late June evening and I didn't bring a coat or a sweater with me. Thank god for Edward's body heat.

"So, what is it we're doing tonight, anyways?" he asks as I laugh loudly.

"Oh, apparently Jasper knows someone who is having a party somewhere with some people and we're going with him," I answer, purposely being vague like Alice was when she first invited us. "Sounds fun, right?"

"Nothing like living on the edge," he adds as I catch him rolling his eyes. He's being super sweet about this night. When I mentioned it to him, Edward wanted us to stay home and just hang out, but I have been eager to meet Jasper and really, there's no time like the present.

It's about five minutes later when a tall, lanky, pale guy strolls out of the hotel and Alice begins to scream incessantly. You'd think he was a member of One Direction or one of those vampire movie actors, with the way she is behaving. "I'm guessing this is Jasper?" Edward questions, as Alice jumps up and latches onto the man, looking like she is about to suck his face off.

"Either that or Alice is a praying mantis and she's going to kill him after they mate," I deadpan as Edward laughs while Alice climbs down from her man.

Brief introductions are made and the guys do this little 'hey' kind of head nod at each other that all men do when they don't really know each other.

"So, what's the plan for tonight?" I ask, once we all become silent. Everyone is looking at Jasper, waiting expectantly for him to tell us about some awesome party, but instead he hails us a cab and tells us all to pile in.

"I hope you guys don't have to be home any time soon," he says as he closes the passenger side door of the cab and hands the cab what appears to be a wadded up hundred dollar bill. "We're going to Oceanside."

"That's almost an hour away, man. It will cost more than a hundred," our cabbie tells Jasper, who pulls out two crumpled up fifties from his pocket and hands it to the man.

"That enough?"

"We'll see," he replies as we get moving and I feel utterly squished between Edward and Alice in the backseat. I look over at my best friend, and she's staring at the back of Jasper's head like he's god's gift to women. I can't break her heart by telling her I think her man is shifty as fuck. When I look over at Edward, he entwines his fingers in mine and gives me a small smile. I can tell he's just as nervous as I am about this. Who knows what the hell is going to happen tonight. When Jasper turns around in his seat, a sly grin across his face, I have a feeling I might live to regret this evening.

"I hope you guys are up for an adventure."

**Wondering what I'm doing tomorrow around 5pm EST? I'm participating in a smut chat over at Project Team Beta on their chat boards. If you ask nicely, I'll even talk dirty on your screen! No, not really, i'm just saying that cause I've been drinking LOL. Come join me. We'll talk about teenage lotharios and where they learned to fuck like pornstars.**

**What have I been reading, you ask? I'm finally reading secret sex by erinbatt. It's not too shabby.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Happy Friday! This chapter was actually tons of fun to write, so I'm not gonna say much. MaggieMay14 is beyond awesome and Risbee & Acinad816 own me. They rock. **

**I don't own Twilight, and please don't worry about Jasper. He means well. LOL**

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"Isn't anyone else anxious about this?" I ask from the backseat of the cab. The driver has been remarkably nice and easygoing, considering how far out of Manhattan Jasper has dragged us. "How long are we going to be here? How the hell are we getting home? Am I even going to make it home?" I question again, as Alice smacks me on the arm. She's being very supportive of Jasper, and assumes that he knows what he is doing, but it's not like she has been dating him that long. He really could be planning to harvest our organs, especially since the neighborhood we are in is sketchy at best.

"Bella, just relax. Have I ever steered you wrong?" Jasper comments from the front.

"I've known you for an hour and I've been worried about this so-called adventure the entire time. So yeah... you have steered me wrong, Bucko."

"Turn right on Daly and then left onto Hampton," Jasper directs our driver and I pray to god we are near the end of this ride. My left leg is falling asleep and though it's been nice being so close to Edward, this wasn't how I pictured our evening going. "For your information Bella, we are probably going to be there for several hours and my brother James is going to give us a lift back in his Dodge Caravan. Any other questions?"

I breathe a smile sigh of relief at the mention of being able to go home, but then I realize that Jasper has given me an opening. "So, where are we going, anyways?" I'm trying to be casual, but I really want to know the answer.

"Well now, that's a surprise."

Edward grips my hand tightly in his, knowing full well I am growing frustrated with Jasper's shit, but when I look at my best friend, she is grinning from ear to ear. How can I possibly deny her happiness? I can't.

"Isn't this fun?" she gushes as I feel Edward's breath hot against my neck. It's like he knew I needed to be calmed down. "How often do we ever leave Manhattan? And to come all this way for a party or something, and it's just..."

Alice doesn't finish her sentence, because instead she's literally bouncing in her seat. We've come to a stop outside a huge industrial building and I glance to the left where all I can see is a huge dirt pile. Lovely. I'm not impressed, and as Edward helps me out of the car and Jasper haggles with the driver over the final cost, I want to walk back to the city, even with these horrible shoes on.

"Stop being so nervous about everything, I'll be right here with you, alright?" Edward explains as I let out a small sigh and vow to try my best to enjoy the evening, both for him and for Alice. However, as I hear the deep bass and electronica music streaming from the warehouse, I'm not sure how much of this I can take. I don't particularly like electronica, but when I see a smile grace Edward's face, I can't help but stand on my tip toes and kiss him softly.

"This is gonna be fun."

"You don't mean that, do you?" he asks, as Alice and Jasper come over to join us, looking like they are joined at the hip.

"Not in the least," I answer as Edward and I break into laughter and Jasper guides us towards the door of the makeshift club.

As we approach the door I notice three menacing bouncers guarding the front; this doesn't help my anxiety. Jasper leans over and whispers in the ear of the guy with the purple Mohawk and biceps as big as tree trunks, while Edward and Alice act as though this is all normal. I'm standing there, fidgeting like a cat on crack, wishing I was anywhere else.

"What's her problem?" Mohawk asks me as I stop my fidgeting and look anywhere but at him.

"She's just nervous about crowds and stuff," Alice lies as I smile brightly and I hear Mohawk grunt. When I look up, he's eyeing me up like he's expecting me to go postal or something.

"I've got my eye on you."

"Uh...okay," I answer simply as Mohawk moves to the side and motions for us to enter.

"I don't like the crazy looking girls. They always cause the most trouble, but go on in," says the gruff security guard as Jasper lets out a sigh and smiles wildly. Jasper was clearly nervous about us getting in, but now he looked like he was the king of the world. With ease, he wraps his arm over Alice's shoulder and leads us into the warehouse and I feel like crap because the bouncer assumes I'm crazy. I'm far from crazy, everyone else is though.

"For the love of god," I whisper to Edward before we walk in. "Please do not leave my side tonight." I wait anxiously as Edward nods his head and then we reluctantly follow my friends. If nothing else, this will certainly be an experience to share one day.

With my hand clasped firmly in Edward's, we try, and it's not without difficulty, to get through the throngs of people in the warehouse. I am clearly overdressed as I have never seen so many scantily clad girls in tutus, lingerie and neon colors before. I know we are at a rave / party / future murder site, but I feel much older than my 22 years as I feel Edward squeeze my hand and lead me towards the bar.

"What is this place?" I whisper-yell to Alice as she dances erratically beside me.

"It's called Eclipse. Jasper tells me it's like a traveling rave thing. Every week it's in a new location across the area." I'm bumped to my left and when I look at the girl, her mascara running, an oversized drink in her hands and her smile wide, she looks like she has been following this group for months. I nod in her direction and she continues to smile, which as it turns out is very fucking creepy. I press closer to Edward and he orders me a rum and coke along with his beer. Once we have drinks in our hands, everyone turns around to face the dance floor where bodies writhe to the beat of the music, but they all look like they are having a seizure.

"Do you want to dance?" Edward asks, his breath hot against my ear. My eye brows shoot up in surprise because there is no way I can dance like these people without having roller skates slapped to my feet and being put on a surface covered in baby oil. "I'll take that look as a no."

"I'm just not a good... dancer, in any forms. This looks difficult and like it would cause me a life-threatening injury."

"Bella has never been a particularly good dancer," Alice yells, having to add her two cents. I scowl at her, but she brushes it off and continued to rattle off one of my most embarrassing moments of my life. "In eighth grade, our mothers made us go to this ridiculous dance. You know, the ones where the girls sit on one side of the gym and the boys on the other, because no one wants to initiate dancing?" Edward nods and seems enthralled as I watch Jasper lick something and toss it onto his tongue. This cannot be good. Hell, it's probably worse than my dancing story.

"Anyways, so this boy who Bella is crushing on, Riley, comes over and asks her to dance, so she does. Halfway through the dance, she steps so hard on his foot that when he bends over to grab at it in pain she accidently knees him in the face." I bury my hands in my face and take a moment to breath while contemplating the most embarrassing story I can tell about Alice that won't make her kill me. "Blood was gushing everywhere and his nose got broken. The dance ended early and Riley never talked to Bella again. It would have been especially epic if her little heart hadn't been broken."

"Alice left her Facebook open one day and her little brother took over her account and proudly declared that she was lesbian to everyone. Her family members applauded her for coming out and her dad came home with a gay pride bumper sticker on his Volvo and a flag to put in their window offering support," I blurt out, attempting to embarrass her.

"Is that something you are into, hon? Lesbians?" Jasper suddenly asks, seeming interested in our conversation now that girl on girl has been mentioned. Alice huffs angrily at me and I grin at her. Tit for tat, bitch, I think to myself as her frown turns into a sly smile.

"Bella once caught her neighbor masturbating in the hallway and rather than run away and call the cops she watched him to completion."

"Alice can't say the word clitoris."

"Bella walked out of the bathroom during prom with her dress tucked into her underwear and she had been in the men's' room, not the ladies. Apparently, she never noticed the urinal."

"Alice has never had a man go down on her."

Apparently, this is the last straw in our little embarrassment fest. Alice is suitably red, probably because I said the word clitoris, but Jasper looks rather smug with himself, while Edward looks very confused.

"The last one isn't true," Jasper declares as he grins and takes a pull on his beer. "Not after last night, at least."

"Jasper," Alice scolds as she smacks him thoroughly with her tiny bedazzled purse as he walks away with her following. I'm relieved that they have gone, especially since now Alice cannot embarrass me further.

"Did that really happen?" Edward questions solemnly.

"Which part? Oh wait... yeah, they are all true," I mutter. "Though in my defense, I couldn't get past the masturbator since he was blocking the nearest exit and when I neared him he was almost done. I seriously waited for like 3 seconds."

"You have led a seriously interesting life, Bella Swan."

"You have no idea. Now, how about we just look for some place quieter?" Edward laughs beside me, knowing full well that a rave is the last place to look for any sort of quiet, but I can't help it. Now that I am trying to get past my insecurities, I just want to spend time with the boy.

Edward nods his head and grips my hand as he walks us, almost effortlessly, through the throngs of partygoers. We wind through the people, down hallways and into other spaces playing different, but equally loud music, until we see a set of metal stairs leading up to a solitary door. "Ready to escape?"

"I've been ready since we walked in." I grin and follow Edward up the stairs, but it turns out the door only leads to a set of stairs going down, but at least we are outside, where it is both cooler and quieter.

We sit a few steps down, side by side, our bodies touching as we both take a sip from our respective drinks. "So, this totally wasn't what I was expecting when Alice invited us out," I reason, but Edward simply offers me a lop-sided grin and tosses his arm over my shoulder with ease.

"So the rave is a bit much, but I'm with you, and that's all that counts in my opinion."

"Well, I like your opinion."

"I'm very opinionated actually."

"Oh really?" I question as he nudges me with his shoulder and takes another pull from his beer.

"Yeah, like... I think Leonardo DiCaprio is highly over-rated and I don't get the appeal. Tom Brady isn't attractive, and I don't get how he keeps getting all these hot women. I think Microsoft should leave well enough alone and Google should stop messing with my Gmail. Do you need me to continue?"

"Nah, I get the point," I mumble with a small smile as I feel Edward's arm slip back and his fingers begin to dance around the hair at the back of my neck. "But you are right, Tom Brady isn't attractive. He needs to stop growing out his hair unless he's joining a metal band. I have no idea how he landed Gisele or his first baby mama, that actress... whatever her name was."

"She's not important," Edward replies, his fingers now rubbing slowly against my skin, under my hair. It's soothing and erotic all at the same time, and I can't help but wish his fingers were elsewhere, doing other things, but they're not. We're going slow and I feel like the I'm the hare trying desperately to push the tortoise across the finish line or something. In the back of my mind I know our slowness is for the best, but try telling that to the ache between my legs. "It's kinda pretty out here, you can actually see stars."

I look up and sure enough, the dark inky sky is filled with stars. A loud car horn blares in the distance and I look back at Edward who looks at me with such an all encompassing smile that I have forgotten my train of thought. I was going to ask him something, either having to do with work, or maybe fucking me, but I can't seem to recall what it was.

"What's wrong?"

"So um... I forgot what I was going to ask you."

"Good, then I have a moment to do this." Edward leans forward and presses his lips to mine softly, though his hand at the back of my neck keeps me still. Mind you, I wouldn't go anywhere even if he wasn't holding me in place.

I wrap my free hand into the fabric of his t-shirt and urge him closer as our kiss deepens and I drown out literally everything around us. There is no thumping bass from the rave and there are no passing cars. There is just me and this beautiful boy who, for some god forsaken reason, seems to really like me.

I hear Edward set his drink down against the steel step as he uses both hands to pull me closer to him, pulling me onto his lap to further our moment. His hands grip my head softly as our kiss moves far past intimate and well into inappropriate. Edward's hands move down and cup my ass as he moves me against his obvious erection. The hussy in me tells me to strip him and fuck him on the stairs, and the logical part of me tells me to stop because he will regret this, so I pull back.

"So umm... not that I am complaining, but how many drinks did you have?"

"Just this one beer," Edward remarks calmly as he looks me up and down like I am something he is dying to devour or turn into a coat. "And the thing Jasper gave me."

"Oh fuck." I jump up from Edward's lap and steady myself on the handrail of the stairs, accidently dropping my drink over in the process. "What did Jasper give you? Please tell me it wasn't little and it went into your mouth."

"Sure did, sweet cheeks," Edward declares and I can tell that whatever drug Jasper has given him has clearly begun to affect him.

This is not good.

Not fucking good at all.

When I saw Jasper earlier, I was pretty sure he was dropping acid, but I wasn't sure and I didn't care because he's not my responsibility. Whatever he wants to do to his own body doesn't bother me. He could be in that rave getting a tattoo of Kim Kardashian on his ass for all I cared, but now that he has fucked up Edward, I'm pissed.

"We need to go find Jasper and Alice." I grab his hand and pull him up, dragging him down the stairs and towards the front of the warehouse. We need to go back in and try and find my best friend and the idiot who fucked up my boyfriend and is about to lose his fucking nuts, and I mean that literally.

"You're mad," Edward says playfully, stopping before we reach the entrance. His face is child-like, but his eyes are big and dark. "I'm sorry I fucked up. I just wanted us to have a good time and I wanted to lose my inhibitions and be more of who you wanted me to be."

"I wanted you to be yourself, Edward."

"I thought you liked this... you know... stuff?"

"You thought I liked dropping acid on Long Island with shitty electronic music?" Edward nods softly and he looks about ten years younger, his face all sad and full of regret. "Jesus Christ, when did I ever say I liked this? Sure, I'll smoke up every now and again, but... fuck. Just don't accept anything from Jasper ever again, you got it?" Edward salutes me and I roll my eyes as I drag him to the front door and the same enormous bouncer with the mohawk who let us in. I figure we can just walk past, but he stops us.

"Where do you think you are going?"

"Inside. You already let us in about an hour ago, so we're just gonna go find our friends..." I move to get past him, but he crosses his arms across his chest and blocks our way. I hear Edward mutter 'uh oh' behind me, and I let out a huge sigh. Tonight fucking sucks. "Why not?"

"We've reached capacity and like I said, I don't like crazy girls."

"You are fucking kidding me."

"Nope, sorry little lady. When I see a few more people leave, I can let you in, if you aren't being crazy."

"But we just left... through the back door, I swear to god."

"Sorry, no exceptions."

"How do you think we got out here if we didn't come out the front door?" I shout in frustration. "We can't walk through walls, ya know. We were just in there. Fuck, you let us in."

"Like I said... crazy. You should watch out for this one, buddy."

"You are an asshole," Edward suddenly shouts as he jabs the bouncer who steps forward and looks like he is ready to show Edward how to find his own asshole. It's scary, and I grab Edward and pull him away before anything else can go down. Unfortunately for me, Edward can't seem to shut his mouth when he's high and he shouts out 'asshole' again as I lead him away from the front.

I climb the stairs at the back of the building, planning to go back in the same way we came out, but it's locked from the outside. When I get back onto the ground, Edward is sitting against the wall talking to his hand. It would be comical if my night wasn't virtually ruined.

"I'm sorry." His voice is full of such remorse that I cannot help but feel bad for him. He clearly just put his trust in the wrong person, and I am going to put my foot in that same person's ass as soon as I see him again.

"Don't worry about it," I answer as I sit beside him and rest my head on his shoulder.

"Did you know the word blubber is funny?"

And so goes my night of literally babysitting Edward as he recites words to me that he finds funny while he is high on LSD. Carnegie, cyan, mungo, twitter and cunnilingus seem to be his favorite and when Alice and Jasper find us around three in the morning, I can't help but run towards him with my fists flailing and cursing him as he runs away from me.

No more going to Long Island.

**So, who else is loving the Olympics? Did you know I love the Olympics so much I started a damn contest for it. Sure, I was drinking and the girls on twitter encouraged me far too much, but I started one called the Going For The Gold Anonymous Olympic Twi-Fic Contest. Wow, that's a mouthful. (That's what she said!) For more info, check us out on Twitter at going4goldfic or here on FFN at u/4159037/goingforthegoldcontest**

**Speaking of contest, I am also a judge in the 'Taste of the Forbidden' contest that is currently accepting submissions right now. More info is here: u/4076435/**

**Also, if you haven't yet donated to Fandom for LLS, get on it. I've submitted an EPOV from this story of Edward meeting Bella, so you might wanna read it.**

**Speaking of things you might want to read: The Babysitter by plummy, Twilight on the Blue Lagoon by knicnort3 and Finding My Thunder by counselor. Seriously... read them.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Happy Friday! MaggieMay14 betas like a badass and Risbee & Acinad816 are the best pre-readers evah. I swore I would never write ever like that, but oh well LOL.**

**I don't own Twilight. I am, however, an olympic addict. More on that at the end.**

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We finally get back to the city as dawn breaks early Sunday morning and I decide to spend the day at Edward's, mainly because I want to keep an eye on him and make sure nothing happens. I heard about the girl who jumped from her balcony following the Electric Daisy Carnival in Vegas, and though I'm certain Edward won't be high when he wakes up, I refuse to take any chances. I also won't stay in the vehicle any longer with Alice, Jasper and his brother, James.

As we drove home, Edward slept (and drooled) on my shoulder in the back of the cramped vehicle, while everyone else chatted happily about how much fun they had at the rave. I didn't share their enthusiasm, obviously. Every now and again Alice would turn around with a huge smile on her face, pleased at her evening with Jasper and I would scowl at her, but she would just tell me to lighten up. It was at those times that I would spew words at her like penis, scrotum and vulva, causing her to cringe.

Her discomfort almost made mine worth it. Almost.

Edward finally wakes up around 2 in the afternoon, and by wakes up I mean he falls out of his bed with a loud thump. When he ambles his way into the living room, he finds me sitting on his couch. I am typing away furiously on his laptop, thankful that he didn't password protect it so that I can get some research done.

"Did I run into a truck or something last night, because I feel like it," he asks as he rubs at his sleepy eyes and plops down beside me on the couch. Edward also begins to rub at his hip and I hide my snicker as I assume this is what he landed on when he fell from his bed.

"You mean you don't remember?"

"Remember what exactly?"

"Dropping acid and being weird and high all night." Edward's mouth falls open as he stares at me in utter disbelief.

"Funny…you almost had me," he laughs as I set the laptop down on the coffee table and angle my body towards him, a serious look on my face.

"You accepted a hit of acid from Jasper, not knowing what it was, and for the entire night you were high as a kite. You spent at least half an hour having a discussion with the car door on the way home and you seem to really like the word Carnegie for some reason. You also apologized a lot," I admit as Edward gives me a small smile and then wraps his arm over my shoulder, pulling me against him.

"Well, for what it's worth, I am sorry."

"It wasn't your fault. It's not like you knew what Jasper was giving you, and you were nice enough to give the moron the benefit of the doubt. We won't be hanging out with him again, by the way."

"Alice seems nice."

"Alice is nice, but she clearly has bad taste in men and she will hear it from me next time I see her, let me tell you."

"Cut the girl a little slack, she's head over heels for him and I know how it feels. She was just having fun, and I apparently tried to do the same." I curl myself tightly against him, breathing in his scent, which is actually pretty good considering he hasn't showered yet today. I know exactly what he is saying, because I feel the same way, but I'm still frustrated that Jasper could so blatantly put Edward at risk.

"Do you have stuff to do today? Am I bothering you by staying around?"

"I have some laundry to do, but it can wait if it means I get to spend time with you," Edward states, making me swoon a little bit before I lean up and kiss his lips softly. I have missed spending time with him, even if we do nothing, so I plan to relish in this time we do have. However, Edward is obviously curious in what I am doing. "What are you working on?"

"More research. Didyme told me that my dad joined the army a few months before I was born, and since I know his first name, I decided to try and see if I could find any sort of record for a Charles or Charlie enlisting back then."

"Any luck?" Edward asks as he lifts up the laptop and places it on his lap, so that we can both see it.

"Well, there's lots of websites with enlistment records and databases, but most of them cost money or refer to World War I or World War II. There doesn't seem to be much around the time of the first Gulf War." I had been researching for over two hours before Edward woke up and I am beginning to get discouraged. Edward's enthusiasm for my project seems to lift my spirits though.

"Can't you request some details under the Freedom of Information Act?"

"Shit, I hadn't thought of that," I admit as I take the laptop back and begin typing away, searching to see what information I can access. I'm not sure if Charlie is dead or alive, and if he has passed away, I doubt that I am listed as the next of kin. Luckily, as Edward points out on the screen, there is some basic information I can get, but it can take a few months to get it. "I'll need a last name if I am going to get anything. I can't just request as much as I can about anyone named Charles of Charlie who enlisted during the first six months of 1990, can I?"

"Without his last name, the only thing you can do is try, right?" Edward offers as I nod my head softly. "Unless… do you think Didyme or your mother would tell you? Even though Didyme gives you sparse information, she's still gives you more than you expected."

"Well, my mother won't and Didyme I think is getting nervous because she has shared so much with me already, but it can't hurt to try. She's away with her spouses, partners... whatever, for the weekend in the Hamptons, but I will try and contact her on Monday."

"Okay, I can live with that." Edward smiles and grabs the laptop from me, closing it and placing it back on the coffee table. "Now, how about we ignore everything else in the world and just enjoy some time together."

"I like that idea," I grin as I pull Edward down and he kisses me, softly at first and then the pressure of his lips and his hips slowly increases until I am a panting mess beneath him.

Best idea ever.

* * *

Monday at work things are really quiet and I am actually doing well at my job. Esme is all smiles, and even Carlisle, who is usually very somber, is full of praise for me. However, everything goes to shit the moment Renee walks in the door with Garrett.

What in the fuck?

"Bella, are you working here?" Garrett asks through his laughter as my mother looks at me and eyes up my apron and work clothes with disdain. "We had no idea, did we Renee?"

"No...I had no idea," she replies caustically as I see Esme out of the corner of my eye watching us carefully. She knows the situation with my mother and how our relationship is strained, so she is obviously curious to see how things will unfold. Plus, knowing Esme and her protective, motherly nature, she will probably jump in if need be.

"It's kind of a new thing," I answer as I grab two menus and show them to a booth. "I'm gonna get Leah to be your server, ok?"

"No... not okay, Isabella," Renee snaps as Garrett slides into the booth oblivious to my mother's scathing attitude. "Can you take a break so we can chat for a moment?"

"Um... I just had my lunch break actually. Can we discuss this at home later?"

"Will you actually be there? I haven't seen you since Friday morning," Renee snaps. So, it's been a few days and life has been crazy, but it's not like I've been living in a ditch, so I don't get her sudden concern.

"So Bella, what's good here?" Garrett pipes in. I hand him his menu and inform him that everything is good, especially the chicken fingers, as Renee looks around the small diner and I can tell by the look in her eyes that she is already passing judgment on the place. I want to say something snarky and witty, but I have nothing. I am frozen in shock.

"We need to talk, so tell your little boss that you need five minutes."

"No, that isn't how it works, Renee. I know you've never held down a real job before but I can't just up and leave when I feel like it. We can discuss whatever is bothering you tonight when I get home," I answer, trying to be strong and show some sense of decorum. We are still at my place of work, so the last thing I want to do is cause a scene.

"Hi there, I'm Esme Cullen, it's so nice to meet Bella's family," Esme says as she extends her hand to Renee, who looks surprised as she takes Esme's hand tentatively. "We got to meet Didyme a few weeks ago, she was very um... interesting."

"Shit," I mumble as Renee's eyes go wide and no doubt she is beginning to wonder why the fuck Did has met the Cullen's, but she hasn't. Fuck, this isn't going to be good. I can already picture Renee stomping around the apartment, throwing shit and cursing about how I behave like a spoiled brat. I should call Alice or Edward and see if I can crash with them until Renee calms down a bit.

"Yes, Didyme can be a bit... out of the ordinary," Renee answers calmly as I notice Garrett seems to become impatient. Surely the man-child just wants to eat his grilled cheese and get the heck home to watch Spongebob Squarepants or something. "It's funny that you got to meet her before me."

"Well actually, since Edward and Bella have been getting so close we have been thinking of having you over for dinner one night. You know, to meet the family."

"Oh..." Renee has no words and Esme continues to smile brightly at my mother. I can see a slight glimmer of mischief in Esme's eyes, but I am shocked of the next words that fall from her mouth.

"After all, you must be so proud of your daughter. She's working here while trying to create her documentary and dating my son. They really are an adorable couple. Have you met Edward?"

Garrett begins to choke on nothing as Renee's eyes flitter rapidly between Esme and me. Yeah, Esme knows the truth, and now Garrett does too. It's kind of bittersweet because Renee looks like she's ready to cry and Garrett looks like he's about to hurl.

"Wait... what was that?"

"What was what, dear?" Esme questions Garrett as Renee reaches her hand across the table, but Garrett pulls away.

"I thought you guys were sisters? Renee...you said you were sisters, right? This woman has her facts wrong, right?" I really want to back away from the train-wreck that is currently happening at the table, but Esme pulls me against her side and holds me in place. She is trying to be strong for both of us, but I feel a little frustrated that she blurted out the secret about Renee and I.

"Oh... well... I had... Bella and I have always been more like sisters than mother and daughter," Renee exclaims loudly as Garrett lets out a huge groan.

"That doesn't answer anything. Is she your kid?"

"Yes."

"Jesus Renee... what else have you lied to me about?" Garrett rails at her. Renee hangs her head slightly and mumbles that she is really 41 years old as Garrett begins to slide himself out of the booth. I push my hand against his chest and stop him. Though I've wanted Renee to admit the truth for ages, I didn't want her to get hurt. Seeing her eyes filled with tears and her hands shake, makes me rather protective of her.

"Regardless of her age and my parentage, you and Renee had a good thing going," I offer to Garrett as he moves away from me and I notice that almost everyone in the diner is looking at us, even Carlisle is sitting behind the counter enthralled by the soap-opera like scene unfolding. "She cares for you and I think that should matter more than her age or the fact that she is my mom."

"Whatever," Garrett mumbles. "Renee just liked to be seen with a young guy on her arm. I was nothing more than something pretty for her to parade around her cougar friends. I'm done." I watch with remorse as Garrett storms from the diner, slamming the door behind him, as Renee begins to sob at the booth.

"Why... just why..." Renee curses as she looks at Esme who really does look remorseful as she sits in the booth across from her. "What have I ever done to you, Esme?"

"You have never done anything to me, Renee, but you have been too wrapped up in your own agenda to see what your life is doing to your daughter. Do you think she likes being referred to as your sister? Do you think she liked that she had to hide the fact that she was working from you because she knew you would kick her out the moment you knew she had a paycheck? How about that she felt the need to hide her boyfriend from you initially because she thought you would hit on him? Do those sound like things a good mother does?"

Renee's eyes grow wild at Esme's insinuations and she begins ranting and raving about almost everything under the sun. "How dare you pass judgment on my mothering abilities? I have given Bella everything she has ever wanted her entire life."

"Everything but a solid home life."

"You don't know the first thing about me and my life, you nosy bitch," Renee sneers as she yells. "It wasn't your place to reveal my secret and you..." Renee turns to glare at me as I hear the bells over the front door ring and in walk an older couple in the mid 70's, looking surprised at the scene playing out before them. "You had no right to tell your boss something so private. Do I go around telling everyone in the city how you used to suck your thumb till you were twelve?" Shit. Thank god Edward wasn't around to hear that. "No, I don't. You are just like your fucking father - so damned selfish."

"Well, I wouldn't fucking know would I?" I shout back at my mother, finally finding my voice. "I don't know the first thing about him except his name is Charlie and he used to be in the army. So, thanks for that. Keeping him out of my life was some real stellar parenting, Renee."

Renee stands from her seat and begins to storm out of the diner, the tears flowing freely as she goes. As she opens the door, she turns as the bell chimes above her head. "Get your shit out of my place by Wednesday. If you want to see some stellar parenting, Isabella, it's time you learn to stand on your own fucking feet."

**So apparently, I've always got to be doing something in the fandom. I'm currently running an Olympic themed fic contest called Going For The Gold, you can find us on twitter at going4goldfic. I am also a judge in the Taste of the Forbidden Contest, which has several awesome entries already posted. You can find them here: u/4076435/Taste_of_the_Forbidden_Contest. And I am also judging the recently announced Season of our Discontent Contest, which is being run for a 2nd time. Before you ask, no, I don't sleep. LOL**

**Fic Recs: The Loving Kind by thimbles owned my ass last night while I was watching Olympic BMX Racing. Twilight on the Blue Lagoon by knicnort3 is awesome and I'm also enjoying Walk by mustlovertp. Go forth and read and review, my friends :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Yep, I'm posting a day early. Why? Cause it's the birthday of my wonderful pre-reader Acinad816! So thank her for being born today because you get an early update! The next chapter will post next Friday and put us back on schedule.**

**As usual, much love to MaggieMay14 for being a kick ass beta and to Risbee and Acinad816 for pre-reading like champs!**

**I don't own Twilight. I do own the new Joshua Radin album, which is chock-full of awesomeness!**

* * *

"What in the hell?" I scream as I watch my mother storm out of the diner, looking like a woman scorned. Yeah, I know I kept my job from her, but I was simply attempting to avoid the inevitable, which was her kicking me out on my ass.

It's not cheap to live in Manhattan and there's really no where else I want, or could afford, to live right now, but Renee values her privacy lately and I am cramping her style. Sure, I could probably go back to Boston and live with a few college friends there, but it's full of bad memories of Marcus, and well... Boston doesn't have Edward, so it's not even a consideration.

"I'm sorry," Esme mutters remorsefully as she grabs my arm and pulls me towards the rear of the restaurant. She gives Leah and Aro knowing looks, telling them to hold down the fort, before she drags me into her small, paper-filled office. "I know it wasn't my place to out your mother to her _young_ friend." Esme emphasizes the word young as I roll my eyes. "She's a grown-ass woman who is lying to everyone around her. Something needed to be said, and she shouldn't have been putting that pressure on you to lie for her."

"You're right; it wasn't your place, Esme!" I shout angrily as I realize my entire body is literally shaking. This is not good. "It should have been up to me to decide when and where to confront my mother about this, not you! You have no idea how much this fucks up my life right now."

Did Esme not realize how much she had just ruined things by being spiteful, and for what reason, I wasn't sure. Garrett had left my mother and she was kicking me out. Esme had ruined two relationships and though she seemed genuinely upset about it, I didn't care. Though I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, the stress of lying for and to, my mother, my body ached for the hurt that had been caused to Renee. "Do you know I have nowhere to live now? I don't get enough hours here to afford an apartment in the city, let alone a cardboard box down by the Hudson."

"You can move in with Edward," Esme suggest easily as I roll my eyes and can't help the snort that follows. What in the hell is she thinking?

"I've been dating him for a few weeks, Esme. That is not anywhere near long enough to even consider moving in with him. What would I say to him? 'So Edward, your mom says I can move in with you, how about it?' Uh... no." I scoff and throw myself down into the chair across from her desk before I bury my face in my hands.

"I'll call him and explain the situation, I'm sure he will have no problem giving you a place to stay, Bella."

"No, Esme, please do not call him," I implore as she sits on the corner of the desk and looks apologetically at me. "This isn't just about moving in with Edward, it's about... he wants to go slow in our relationship and I am doing my best to respect that and just be with him. Moving in with him would ruin this. I don't want to screw everything up. I want him to trust me and understand why I am with him... which is because I care for him, not because he's some rebound or something."

Esme stands up from her spot and leans over, hugging me tightly as I fight the urge to accept such a motherly gesture from her. "Just think about it. If you have no other options, don't rule out asking him, alright? I'd offer you a place to stay with me and Carlisle, but we barely have enough room for the two of us as it is. Carlisle's model car hobby takes up our spare room." I nod softly and Esme informs me that I can leave early if I want. I turn down her offer and spend the next few hours trying to focus on working, instead of crying incessantly.

It's just after five, almost time for my shift to end, when Alice strolls into the diner having just finished her own shift at the hotel. "What's shaking, bacon?" she asks me, a huge smile lighting up her face.

The diner is quiet, the dinner rush hasn't hit yet and I'm dealing with only a few customers. When Alice looks at me, her face immediately turns dour, and she sits down at the counter and pats the stool beside her. "What happened?"

"Esme told Renee everything."

"Wait... what?"Alice's voice increases a few octaves and she sounds absolutely incredulous. Not unlike how I feel at the moment.

"Renee and Garrett came in for lunch and when she saw me working here, she kinda freaked. Esme then outted me as Renee's daughter, which made Garrett run like the wind, especially when he heard her real age."

"Did you know Garrett's grandmother pays his rent for him?"

"Woah wait... how is this pertinent?"

"Oh well, I guess it's not really, but Garrett is just a big child and Renee shouldn't have sunk her claws into him at all. It's really for the best that they broke up," Alice explains as she offers me a small smile.

"He also takes his laundry home to his mothers and she washes it for him." My jaw just sort of drops open and Alice continues. "He still earns an allowance from them too, because he mows their lawn and shit. I mean... where did your mom find him? An after-school program?" I fight back my laughter and wonder how the hell Alice knows all this shit.

"Where did you get this shit from?"

"Garrett admitted it one night drunkenly. That guy was like an open book once you get three drinks in him."

"Well, perhaps it was because he was a lightweight and just started to drink when he graduated high school last year?" I laugh as Alice joins me. I know Alice means well in revealing all this information to me, and she's always had a soft spot for the hot mess which is my mother, but I just have no energy to deal with my mother's relationship disaster right now. I have bigger issues.

"She also kicked me out of the apartment."

"Shit."

"Yeah," I sigh as Alice reaches into her purse and fishes out a key on a glow-in-the-dark Hello Kitty keychain.

"This is the extra key to my place. You can crash on the couch for a few days, until you can decide where you can go."

"Thanks, Alice." I let out a small sob and even though I fight against it, a few tears fall down my cheeks. "I'm not looking forward to going and picking up my stuff, though I wouldn't put it past Renee to have tossed it all into the hallway or out the window and onto the street."

"Well, she has been known for her dramatics. It's like a hipster Mommy Dearest, up in your house," Alice offers, trying to get me to crack a smile. "Maybe she'll cover everything you own in paint. She is artistically inclined like that."

"Nah, Renee wouldn't waste her expensive paint on my shit. She's bitter and angry, not suicidal." Alice laughs lightly and I rush off to finish my shift, clocking out and trading off my tables to Rebecca before finally leaving with Alice.

We head straight over to Renee's apartment, with grand plans to gather up everything we can carry or shove into my luggage, and drag it back to Alice's. The downfall with this plan is that Alice truly doesn't have a lot of room for my stuff, and we don't expect to find a shouting match between Renee and Garrett in the living room when we get there.

"You," Renee shouts as she waggles her finger at me and I notice the empty bottle of peach schnapps on the coffee table. Clearly Renee is hitting the hard stuff. I roll my eyes and usher Alice into the bedroom. "Don't you go anywhere, missy. I need to talk to you."

"Fuck Renee, you sound just like her mom," Garrett shouts before he begins to pace around the room. "Fuck... just... fuck."

"What?" I ask as I hear Alice banging around in my room. I shudder to think what she is packing without my assistance. "Can we make this quick, I have to move out, remember?"

"Oh, I remember very well," Renee snaps as she glares up at me from her spot on the couch. "Why didn't you tell me you were working?"

"Cause you would have kicked me out. We both know you didn't want me here, that I was crowding you and you had lived alone for four years, so it was a big adjustment to go back to being with your kid again. I'm not earning enough to afford my own apartment yet, but I'm trying," I answer, trying to be as brutally honest with her as possible. After all, she needs the wakeup call and I'm worried she's too drunk to remember this call in the morning.

"You should have talked to me anyways. We could have made an arrangement."

"Regardless, it doesn't matter. I'm working at the diner and now I'm moving into Alice's for a little while."

"That girl lives in a shoe box, not an apartment."

"You are getting what you want, so why the fuck do you care? You never cared when I told you week after week that you needed to be honest with Garrett about your age and me. You never cared when I introduced you to my boyfriend. Hell, you practically blew him off, and you certainly didn't care when I graduated from college a few months ago, cause you never fucking came. Who does that?" I shout, my anger and frustration growing with each passing second.

"Bella..." I can see Renee wants to offer me some sort of explanation, but it's not worth it.

"Listen," I turn to Garrett and begin to address him instead of Renee. "Regardless of what you might think right now, my mother does care about you. However, I don't think you are worthy of her. Your grandmother pays your rent, your mother does your laundry, you don't have a solid job and they give you an allowance. What 28 year old does that shit? Oh wait... a motherfucking lazy one, no pun intended. Stop mooching off the generosity of my mother or leave her the fuck alone." I storm away from the train-wreck that is about to unfold in front of me because from the look on my mother's face she had no idea he was so lazy, and rush into my room to help Alice.

Sure enough, she has packed everything from the underwear drawer but my period panties. "You don't need those," she urges as I grab them and shove them in the bag she is currently packing. "You are dating Edward now; you need more hot lingerie that crawls up your ass, not granny panties."

"A girl can have both, now shut it and help me pack."

For twenty frantic minutes, we pack everything we can into the two large bags I have and then I grab everything from the bottom drawer of my dresser, while Alice grabs everything from the bathroom. The voices in the living room have calmed slightly, but I can still hear Renee and Garrett argue, which just increases my resolve to get out as fast as I can.

When I leave, I toss my key on the counter and Renee stops shouting at Garrett long enough to watch us head through the door with my bags.

"I'll be back for the rest of my things by the weekend."

"Bella," she calls out as I pause and look back at my mother, someone I thought I knew and trusted. Unfortunately, as I see her waver a bit and grasp the edge of the couch to help her stand, I realize I never truly had a mother. I always had an older, less responsible, sister. "Call me when you get settled, wherever... okay?"

I don't answer her, choosing instead to just walk away with a small piece of my pride intact. However, when we finally reach Alice's apartment and it's just the two of us, I can't help but cry for everything I wanted and never had... like a family.

**Have you been reading the entries in the Taste of the Forbidden contest? Some of them are rather um... delicious! Get on that! :)**

**Need a story rec? I think I already mentioned Walk by mustlovertp, cause that one's great and just updated! Finding My Thunder by counselor was awesome and is now complete and also Room 212 by revrag! Wonderfully written and compelling. Go forth and read, after you leave your review LOL**


	17. Chapter 17

**I know, I'm late in updating, but my work computer imploded on Friday, throwing everything off. Then my hubs monopolized our weekend and it kinda sucked. On a positive note, at least I still have this chapter, because I actually had quiet a bit of writing saved on my work computer. Don't worry, I work for a small firm, they could care less that I write. However, I'm sure I've lost some stuff, so bear with me. The next update may be slow too.  
**

**Huge thanks to MaggieMay14 for her beta work. Risbee & Acinad816 are top-notch pre-readers.  
**

**I don't own Twilight. I have the Hunger Games on blu-ray though. Did you know in the Netherlands that The Hunger Games is called Hongerspelen? I love that name LOL  
**

* * *

Four days.

That was all it took for me to want to move out of Alice's cramped apartment and into an old refrigerator box down by the East River.

Sure, I was spending my nights at Edwards', where he was oblivious to the fact that I was now virtually homeless, and my days were spent at work. However, today I actually have a day off and all I want to do is lie on the couch, or maybe Alice's bed if she is working, and catch up on some sleep.

Esme has been working me as many shifts as I can manage in an attempt to make up for the disaster that was her conversation with my mother. Unfortunately for Edward, this has resulted in me falling asleep by eight thirty every night, but he swears he doesn't mind. He just enjoys spending time with me. I'm already dreading having to tell him the truth, because he's frustrated enough with his mother these days, that when he finds out that she outted Renee to Garrett in the middle of the diner, and effectively got me evicted, I'm sure he will blow a gasket.

I'm also not looking forward to him yelling at me for withholding the truth from him, but I just don't have the energy to have the discussion with him each night. I vow to myself, after Edward drops me off in front of the diner this morning that I will tell him tonight.

Unfortunately, my life is thrown into even more of a tailspin when I walk into Alice's apartment ten minutes later and find myself face to face with Jasper's pasty white ass as he literally fucks the hell out of my best friend over the arm of her couch.

"Holy fucking shit. My eyes, my eyes," I scream out as I run back into the hallway and close the door behind me. What the fuck is with my luck? Why do I always walk in other people fucking, yet I can't get laid myself?

My breathing is erratic and when I close my eyes, all I see is Jasper's butt. I haven't even seen Edward's ass yet, so I really don't like that I've seen Jasper's. I slide down against the wall opposite of Alice's door and feign surprise when she walks out a minute later, with her tiny robe on.

"Please, for the love of god, tell me you have some clothes on under there." Alice's silence says all I need to know and I let out a groan and look at the ceiling. She stands, looking at me like a lump on the floor, and offers me her hand to get up.

"I thought you were working today."

"Nope, I actually have a day off."

"I'm sorry."

"No more than I am. Couldn't you have put a sock or something on the doorknob?"

"It was..." I see Alice hesitate as she tries to come up with something to say that isn't overly sexual. I'm shocked I don't see smoke coming out of her ears from her thinking so hard. "He just came, Bella."

"Yeah, I caught that part," I remark quickly, anticipating a groan from her. Alice doesn't disappoint.

"Oh, come on..."

"No, thanks, Jasper already did." I smirk, pleased with my witty banter as Alice smacks my arm.

"It just sort of happened. I wasn't expecting him." Alice looks smug after correcting herself, knowing there isn't much in the way of innuendo for me to play with.

"It's fine, Ali. After all, this isn't my place. I'm squatting and I should have let you know about my schedule." We hug briefly, before Alice opens the door and we head back inside. Unfortunately for me, Jasper is standing buck naked in the kitchen drinking a coffee while his cock just dangles there. Does this man have no shame? I slap my arm over my eyes, refusing to look at him, though I want to give Ali a high five since Jasper is kinda packing. Good for her.

"Jazz, I told you to go get dressed."

"Actually, you told me to get comfortable," Jasper claims as he leans against the counter and continues to drink. "This is me... comfortable."

"Well, not everyone is comfortable with it," I remark snidely as I hear Alice gather up Jasper's clothes from the floor and shove them at him with a sigh.

There is no place to hide. It's not like I can even go to my room, since they were fucking where I sleep. Alice tells Jasper to get dressed in her room and when I hear the door close, I finally open my eyes. "Well, no wonder you didn't want to tell me about his dick at the party." I nudge Alice and she smiles brightly before offering me a cup of coffee.

"I am sorry you had to see that."

"I'm sorry I'm suddenly homeless."

"Did you talk to Edward yet?" Alice questions as we sit down on the couch side by side and I am relieved when Jasper walks out of her room, fully dressed.

"What I am supposed to say to him? 'So, I know we've only been dating about a month, but how would you feel about me moving in with you now that your mother has fucked up my relationship with my mom?' I'm sure that would go over like a fart in church," I sigh.

"Bella, be honest with the man," Jasper adds as I look at him like he just told me he was a devil worshipper or something. Is he honestly trying to give me advice right now? "Edward seems like a level-headed guy, and he is clearly head over heels for you."

"Thanks, Jasper," I reply sarcastically, as he gives me a thumbs up and goes back to his coffee.

"How are things at work these days?" God bless Alice for changing the subject before I feel the urge to behead her boyfriend. I shrug my shoulders at her comment, unwilling to tell her that things are tense between Esme and me lately. It makes for a not so great work environment. "I was thinking, what if you tried to find a new job, maybe something with more money? It would make things less awkward for you, and hopefully you could find a place."

I don't want to tell Alice that after today, I'm seriously re-considering my finances to move somewhere... anywhere... else. Staying with Alice was never meant to be long-term, so maybe I can find some sort of roommate thing that doesn't cost me an entire months' salary. I can handle commuting a bit, but I refuse to live in Jersey or Long Island. I need to be somewhat nearby.

"Don't worry, Ali," I say, trying to soothe her worries, though I can tell by the look on her face that it's not working. "I'll talk to Edward and see what he thinks."

Of course, I wasn't really going to do this.

An hour later, I find myself sitting at the diner with a plate of Esme's chicken fingers and several local papers. I am scanning through the classifieds looking for apartment and roommate wanted ads when I feel someone watching me. As I look up, Carlisle slides into the booth across from me, which is unexpected to say the least.

"Hi Bella."

"Carlisle," I reply anxiously, wondering why he's joining me when he's never really showed an interest in me since my interview.

"Esme was telling me about your situation," he explains hesitantly as I take a bite of my lunch and wait, expecting to hear more. "She's feeling really horrible about how things went down with your mother and she told me how you were living with your friend Alice in her tiny apartment."

"Oh... well the apartment isn't tiny if there is only one person there," I tell him, as though I have to justify the size of Alice's apartment to him. "It's nice, in a safe building, and I'm looking for something else now." I wave the New York Post at him a little bit and he cracks a small smile. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Actually, I think there's something I can do for you."

"Uh... okay?" I can see conflict clear on Carlisle's face as he grips the napkin in front of him and then begins to examine the silverware as though it holds the clues to all of life's answers. The silence between us seems to last forever and I can't take it anymore. "Did you want to tell me something?"

"Just... don't stop trying with your mother."

"I think it's kind of out of my control, Carlisle. She's refusing to talk to me."

"Stubborn woman," Carlisle mutters under his breath as I quirk my eyebrows.

"What do you know about Renee?" I question, as my mind begins to move a mile a minute. Ever since I started, Carlisle has kept his distance, while Esme has been far too close for comfort. Whereas she has been encouraging my relationship with Edward, Carlisle has said nothing. He simply eyes me oddly from across the diner. At first it was disconcerting, but now I'm wondering if he doesn't know more than he is letting on.

The bells above the door ring, as several officers walk in from the precinct across the road. Carlisle waves at them all broadly and then goes to stand from the booth. "Just... Renee knows everything and you need to be persistent with her. I know she has her reasons for everything, but... just keep trying to talk to her."

Carlisle joins his friends and I'm left reeling, wondering what the hell Carlisle was talking about. Is this about my relationship with my mother, or my father? He was extremely cryptic, and though I want to go over and talk to him again, to shake him and have him tell me everything he knows, he disappears into the kitchen and I know he's probably leaving for the day, which leaves me really fucking confused.

By the time I'm done my lunch, I've found three apartments I want to see, all of them in decent neighborhoods, and I would be a roommate. I could handle it, if I had my own room, I think. Edward texts me and invites me over for dinner, and I message him back that I just need to run home first and then I'll be over.

Deciding to heed Carlisle's advice, I leave the diner and head straight to my mother's place. I left my key with her, so I have to hope that she is home as I knock on the door and wait patiently. When Renee finally opens the door, her eyes look tired, she has paint in her hair and on her face, and she doesn't look happy to see me.

"Here to gather more of your things?"

"Yeah," I lie, as she moves out of the doorway and lets me through. I go into my room and I can tell Renee has cleaned in here. When she found the time, I don't know, but based on how she looks, perhaps she just hasn't been sleeping. I go through my dressers and pull out the things I left behind, which is mainly sweaters and non-summer shit. There's a duffle bag in the back of the closet, and I put what I can in there before I turn around and see Renee standing in the doorway.

"How are you?"

"Fine...living with Alice right now."

"I figured," Renee says with a sigh as I zip the bag closed and glance around the room. I've left lots of things on the walls, but they are all representative of me before I went to college. I don't really care for them anymore. Anything I want, I have already, and it is cluttering up Alice's place. "Listen, I don't want there to be this animosity between us. I'm really hoping we can work past this to have some sort of relationship."

"How do you know Carlisle Cullen?" I ask, ignoring her comment. I can't get past everything we have been through lately until I know the truth about my dad, and something tells me, Carlisle and Renee know more than they are letting on.

"He was friends with your father." I sit down with a thud on the edge of my bed and I can see Renee is growing even more anxious. Her fingers tap against the edge of the door, a sure sign that she's edgy.

"Carlisle told me to talk to you. That you knew everything and he wasn't sure why you weren't telling me."

"It's just...it's so hard to deal with. I look back on those days of my past as some of my happiest, and then what happens? I break down and it ruins me. The more I dwell on your father, the worse things will be."

"Don't you think it's my right to know who he is? I know it hurts you, but it hurts me more to not know anything about him. I could walk by him on the street, or serve him in the diner every day and have no idea that he is my father. Does that seem fair to you? Because it's not to me. In fact, it's selfish of you to be unwilling to talk to me about him when all I want is to know the truth." The tone in my voice is harsh and I know I am acting out of character, but I'm just tired of being dicked around about this.

Renee walks out of the room, ignoring my pleas for information, and I can't help myself. I stand up and storm off to follow her. However, when I get to her door, she is reaching under her bed for a decorative wooden box covered in Native American carvings.

"This used to belong to Charlie," Renee states as she places the box on her bed and then stands. I can't help but stare at the box, simply because it's so intricate and beautiful with its deep rich wood and lovely designs. "When he moved here from Washington, he brought it with him. His best friend made it. Anyways," Renee shakes her head slowly and hands the box to me. "I think you should have it."

"Why?"

"All your answers are in there, Bella."

**Story Rec Time: For the love of god, get reading Twilight on the Blue Lagoon by knicnort3. I'm really loving this fic! Also, go check out the brand new Mission Possible by TwistedCoincidence (she wrote Paper Cutouts, Unraveled Knot & Thicker Than Water, which are all some of my all-time favs)**


	18. Chapter 18

**Happy Labor Day. Or as we call it in Canada, Labour Day! MaggieMay14 is my super awesome beta. Risbee and Acinad816 are super pre-readers and all of you are awesome for continuing to read my madness.  
**

**I don't own Twilight. This story is all from my convoluted imagination. You don't want to know about half of the stuff that goes on in there.  
**

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As I receive the box from Renee, I feel like the wind is being knocked out of me. I have no idea what to do now. I can't stay at Renee's and go through it without animosity growing between us for the years she kept this information from me. I fear going back to Alice's since who knows what she and Jasper are up to. With my luck, they've installed a sex swing and are going at it like porn stars or something.

For a girl who refuses to talk about sex, she certainly gets it a lot.

Well, a lot more than me, anyways.

Deciding that I really only have one place to go, because the diner is not an option either, I begin the walk to Edward's apartment with the wooden box clasped firmly in my hands. I just dare anyone on the streets to fuck with me or my box. He was expecting me for dinner anyways, so it won't be too odd when I show up early.

When I arrive, I'm a little winded and decide I should get more exercise or some shit as I knock harshly on Edward's door, but there is no answer. Of course not, he's probably working like normal people, I scold myself as I slide down to the floor across from his apartment door. "I'm a fucking idiot," I scream into the hallway just as his neighbor pokes her tiny head out her door and looks at me like I'm about to mug her.

"Missy, you should watch your language. If you were my granddaughter, I'd have your mouth scrubbed out with soap."

"You need to mind your own business," I counter, to the old, grey-haired, battleaxe as she grimaces at me and looks down both ways of the hallway. "Oh don't stress, Granny. You are perfectly safe. I'm just waiting for someone." Can't this lady tell I am having a shitty day? I mean seriously, you hear screaming in a Manhattan hallway, so you stick your head out? I could have a knife or something. Hell, for all I know, there _is_ a knife in this box. I bet that would make her think twice about coming into the hallway to harass an emotionally fucked up woman.

"Well, I certainly hope Edward comes to his senses soon. He needs a nice polite young lady, not someone with a potty mouth."

"I'll show you a potty mouth, you crotchety old wind bag," I mutter as she closes her door roughly and I'm left sitting in the hall feeling horrible for berating an old lady, and for needing Edward as much as I do.

Doing my best to remain calm, I rest the wooden box on the floor and run my fingers reverently over it, wondering about its origins. Renee told me it was made by Charlie's best friend, but who he is? Does he do woodcarving like this professionally? If I had my computer I could sit here and use Edward's wireless to find out, to try and research woodcarvers from the Pacific Northwest, but I stupidly left it at Alice's.

I grab my phone from my pocket and glance at the time, and discover it's just past five. Usually by now, Edward and Emmett have finished and are cleaning the truck for the next day. I want to talk to Edward, but there are also ten million other thoughts swirling around in my head and I don't know where to start.

Do I really want to look into this box, which might very well hold the secrets to my entire life, in the middle of Edward's hallway? Not really.

It's beginning to smell like curry and feet, a smell which is less than appealing to me at the moment. Instead, I decide to take me and my box, pun intended, back to Alice's. I'll text Edward and tell him that I'm not feeling well and cancel out on dinner. However, as I wait while the elevator opens, I am pulled from my thoughts, and happily surprised, by Edward's smooth voice.

"Hey babe... what are you doing here so early?" I lift up the box and give a small shrug.

"I got this from Renee."

"Wow, I have about a dozen questions all of a sudden, but first and foremost, what is it?"

"Apparently, it's everything she has about my dad."

"And she just up and gave it to you? That doesn't seem like Renee at all."

"I know... it's just... I want to open it with you. I just..."

"There's no need to explain," Edward says sweetly as his hand rests against my lower back and he guides me back towards his apartment.

For the first time since my argument with Renee at the diner, I feel at ease. I know it's probably because of Edward's proximity, but I also realize it's because of how much I care for him. I can't help the small smile that crosses my face as I realize how big of a step this is for me.

Once inside the apartment, Edward quickly showers the grime of the day off of him as I use his video camera to record my thoughts on my interaction with Renee. For a brief moment, I wish I had a camera crew that could follow me around, like one of those Real Housewives shows, but I know this is real and totally unscripted. This is how things happen when you are fumbling through life to capture everything. It's not perfect, and my documentary won't be either, but it will be real.

Just as I am finishing up, Edward comes out in a towel and I put the camera down.

"I can't put that in my movie you know. It's PG, not triple X."

"Ha ha," Edward laughs as he comes towards me and ruffles my hair slightly before kissing my forehead. "Do you want me to make dinner first?"

"Depends, are you going to be wearing that as you cook?" I ask, as my hand traces the hem of his blue towel and Edward quirks his eye at me. "Oh come on, you can't blame a girl for trying." Edward smirks before he leans down and kisses the corner of my mouth.

"Soon," he whispers huskily before heading towards his bedroom and leaving me sitting on the couch like a huge pile of goo. Which, now that I think about it, is completely gross.

I shake the thought from my head and decide to order us some pizza because I would rather go through the box with Edward than wait while he us makes dinner. Of course, when Edward comes out and sees the menus in my hand, he immediately refuses the first four places I suggest and tells me that only Girardi's has the best delivery. I'm not even hungry; I just want his full attention, so I agree.

Edward finishes ordering and then comes over to sit on the couch beside me, his arm draping over the back. "Okay, can we start at the beginning? Why on earth did Renee finally give you this?"

Shit. This is the part of the conversation I'm dreading, because I know exactly how he will react. Edward will be mad I didn't tell him sooner, and even though he will understand that I am trying to be independent, he will also try to convince me that he truly has my best interests at heart. I can't help but think that maybe I should lie to him, since it's in his best interest, but that's not true and I refuse to be in a relationship like I was with Marcus.

I'm just gonna go for it.

"Esme told Garrett that Renee is my mother after they showed up at Forks for lunch a few days ago. Then Renee kicked me out and I moved onto Alice's couch, though your mother offered to talk you into making me move in here. I walked in on Alice and Jasper fucking today and decided I couldn't stay with her anymore, so I went to the diner to go through the paper and find an apartment, when your Dad told me to go and talk to my mother." I let out a small breath before I continue my rant. "So, I went and we fought. I packed up some more of my stuff, and she gave me this box."

I sigh as Edward looks are me curiously. I'm not even sure how I managed that in just two breaths. It was kinda long and so fucking involved.

"Let me get this straight," Edward states, and as I go to say something, he raises his hand to shut me up. "My mother told your mother's child-like boyfriend that you are actually her daughter, not her sister and then she kicked you out? How is that your fault? If anyone should be getting in trouble, it's my mother for being unable to keep her mouth shut."

"I think Esme had the best of intentions, since she was tired of Renee treating me like shit, but she just went about it the wrong way."

"No shit," Edward sighs and looks at me with a sad expression on his face. Well shit, I didn't want his pity; I just wanted to be straightforward with him. "You know... if you want to stay here, you can."

"No thanks, I'll take my chances with Alice's couch."

"Doesn't she basically live in a shoe-box?"

"Well... yeah. It's a little tiny, but I am saving up for my own place, so hopefully I can find something reasonable." I know I am stretching, but Edward snorts at my comment, so I give him the stink eye.

"I just... I don't want you renting something in a shitty neighborhood or finding some roommate who wants to make an outfit with your skin," Edward says emphatically as I can't help but smile somewhat at his concern. "I care about you and you don't need to stress of living somewhere with an hour long subway ride to work."

"I get your concerns, Edward, I really do. I just need to be able to stand on my own. I'll find something, and if you want, you can come with me to look." This seems to placate Edward a little bit and he kisses me lightly in agreement.

"How about you stay here in the meantime. I have a spare room you can have. I'm sure it beats Alice's couch." Edward looks so sincere and sweet, I honestly want to say yes to him, but I know I can't. I'll never leave if I move in, and though I'm sure he wouldn't mind, I would. I need to be able to be independent and living on my own is part of this. I need to grow the fuck up.

"I'll think about it, alright?"

"So anyways, why don't you tell me about the box?"

"Yes... the box."

"You know, the more we call it the box, the more I want to toss out other euphemisms for vagina like pink taco or the tasty clam."

"Believe me; the thought has crossed my mind, too." I smile slightly and glance back at the box.

"Let's give it a new name."

"The torturous wooden square of impending doom? Renee's regal container of random crap?"

"How about something more upbeat?" Edward asks with a grin as I nod my head at him. "We don't know for sure that this box contains bad news. Hell, we don't know that this box doesn't contain some old receipts, a condom wrapper and some nasty old dust bunnies. Let's just see what you have, alright?"

"Why did I have to fall for the guy who is the voice of reason?"

"You are just damn lucky I suppose." Edward grabs his video camera from where I left it on the coffee table and holds it up. "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I will ever be I suppose." I'm pretending to be upbeat about everything but I'm really filled with anxiety. What if the contents of the box don't answer any of my questions? What if I am just left with more and Renee refuses to be of any help, much like she has been in the past. I grab the box from the table and hold it in my shaking hands as Edward watches me intently.

"If you don't want to do this, Bella..."

"No, I want to." I'm defensive in my answer, but Edward doesn't seem bothered. He turns on the camera and points it right at me.

"Okay, so... open the box." I look up at Edward and he's grinning so happily at me, I can practically channel his strength. I bite down on my bottom lip and lift the hinged lid from the box and then stare inside. "How much is in there?"

"A lot, actually," I reply as I look up at Edward and the camera, holding up the first thing I found. "There's a picture of my mom about twenty odd years ago, and I'm guessing the man is Charlie, maybe." He looks young, maybe twenty years old, and he has dark hair, stiff posture, and one hell of a moustache. I can see myself in his eyes and his nose, but nothing else. I can, however, see that my mother is looking at Charlie like he is her world. My heart aches for her because I have no idea how the hell she lost a love like that.

"He looks kinda familiar," Edward remarks as I notice he's zooming in on the photo for the camera. "It's certainly one sweet moustache he has. I thought those went out in the 80's?"

"Apparently not." I smile brightly and rest the yellowed picture down on the coffee table. I'm somewhat emboldened now that I am actually looking through the box. The picture shows my parents with their arms wrapped around one another, both of them smiling brilliantly. I'm relieved to know that they were happy together at one point.

There are movie stubs, a dried rose, tickets to a Mets game, and even a Playbill from A Chorus Line. Clearly the Broadway show was Renee's idea, because though I know little about my father, I can't see him loving Broadway musicals. I notice an old airline ticket from Seattle to JFK made out in the name of Charles Swan and I begin to rummage in the box some more, my mind going into overdrive.

"What did you find?" Edward questions, immediately sensing the change in my mood.

"Charles... his last name is Swan. Doesn't that seem odd to you?"

"Did your parents ever get married?"

"That's the million dollar question isn't it?"

I pull out a few more random mementos, including one of those photo strips that looks like it was taken down at Coney Island or something, and then I find what I am looking for - a marriage license in the name of Charles Swan and Renee Clarke. However, there is no marriage certificate.

"It looks like they were planning to get married, but never did?" I ask Edward; as though he has the answer I am looking for. "There are no wedding photos or anything like that. It seems Renee was more sentimental than I gave her credit for, so if they did get married, it would be here, right?"

"Do you think Renee has the marriage certificate?"

"No... not really." I pause, contemplating Edward's question. "She said everything was in here, so I'm inclined to believe her."

"So, let's go with the thought that they never got married."

"Let's go down to the City Records office and see if they can give us some information. I mean, they filed the license here in Manhattan, so they have to know if they were ever actually married." I grab for my purse and am actually excited about the prospect of digging into this a bit more when I see Edward hesitate.

"It's after hours, Bella." Well, shit. There goes that idea.

"Damn you and your logic."

"Let's think about this; maybe Renee just changed her name legally so that both of you could have Charlie's last name. Perhaps it was a way of honoring him until he got back from Iraq and they could be officially married."

"And it never happened?" I chew on my bottom lip as I find more pictures. "There's about ten more photos here of Charlie in his uniform."

I set them down on the table beside the picture of my parents and I can't help the sense of pride I feel while looking at my father in his army uniform. He wanted to serve his country and also provide for my mother and me, so he went off to war. I'm immediately gripped with fear as I voice my worries to Edward. "What if he never came home?"

**Story Rec Time: First of all, you should head over and read the entries in the 'Taste of the Forbidden' contest. There are some really great, and lemony, gems in there. I should know, I'm a judge. On a separate note, The Loving Kind by Thimbles is excellent. The Affair by johnnyboy7 is good, but keep in mind, it features an affair, so if you can't handle that stuff you should skip it. Today I read Sultry,Malicious, the 2011 WitFit by Rochelle Allison and they were both awesome.**

**Go Forth & Read! After you review of course ;)  
**


	19. Chapter 19

**So apparently my beta got a wee bit sad when she read this chapter. Sorry MaggieMay14. This was always coming. I'm evil like that.**

**I love Risbee and Acinad816 for being such stellar pre-readers. **

**I don't own Twilight. I do have a sick lil CPW at home with her dad right now. Onto the sadness... I mean the madness.**

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"Oh Bella, don't think like that," Edward attempts to reassure me as my mind goes into overdrive trying to think of things logically. My mother tears up when she talks about him and she hid away this box like it was the last shred of Charlie she had left. Renee never got married and she never let me meet him, so if he _is_ alive, he's an asshole for not wanting to be a part of my life. However... if he's not alive... I can't even fathom this.

"It's possible," I mumble sullenly.

"Anything is possible at this point, baby. Now that we have more details, you can head down to the city records office and get details on this potential marriage thing. Also, his social security number is on this document here, so maybe we can get details from someone... somewhere. I think we shouldn't give up hope, yet."

I shrug my shoulders indifferently at Edward. I know he's right, and I shouldn't focus on the worst possible scenario, but I can't help it. It's hard to remain positive anymore. Edward continues running the video camera and I watch as he zooms in on the box and then sifts through it. I bet he was a cameraman in a past life, or maybe a photographer.

Edward pulls out a photo of Charlie in his uniform and then turns it over, noticing something I hadn't. There is another photo stuck to the back. I guess being stuck in the box for so long could do that. I grab it from Edward's hands and try to peel the photos apart, desperate to keep them in a somewhat decent condition. We are both silent, only the sounds of our breathing filling the room, and when I am done, I breathe a small sigh of relief.

"I knew it," Edward states dramatically as he holds up the second photo and turns it to show me. "I knew he looked familiar. The man with him is Carlisle. I've seen this photo in my dad's office at home. Didn't your mom say that Carlisle was friends with Charlie?" I grasp the photo tightly and squint at the slightly damaged photo. The man with my dad does look a bit like a younger version of Edward, but I just can't be certain.

"Seriously?"

"I'm dead serious. I have seen this photo at my parents place." Just then, the door buzzes signaling the arrival of our pizza. Edward jumps up and quickly takes care of it, leaving me slumped on the couch staring at this one photo. Charlie looks stiff and uncertain his uniform and the man at his side looks almost proud of him. I wish it was a better picture so I could tell for certain that it is Carlisle. However, I can see why Edward thinks that it's him. They resemblance between Edward and this is man is uncanny.

We are both silent as we eat, my mind unable to shut itself off of all the things we have learned. Just as Edward finishes his first slice, I look at him with determination clear in my eyes. "I want to go see your parents tonight. I need to have all this shit answered. How the fuck have they known me and not mentioned anything?"

I'm growing angrier as each second passes. Esme has been nothing but supportive since she hired me, though Carlisle has been a bit stand-offish until today. It was because of him that I went to confront Renee and I finally received this box of memories. "Your dad has known about me and my father since the moment he interviewed me, but he never once said anything, and that pisses me the fuck off."

"Maybe he felt like it wasn't his place to say anything," Edward offers as I scoff.

"Oh, but your mother doesn't feel the same way? She is the most meddling woman I have ever met. At least my mother left me alone to do my own thing. Yours is trying to get us to move in together after dating a few weeks. What's next? Is she gonna poke holes in condoms or replace my pills with placebos because she wants a grandchild? Fuck. But... oh wait… we're not having sex, so that won't happen." I jump up from the couch and begin pacing around anxiously. It isn't fair that all these people know about Charlie and I know nothing.

When I look over at Edward, he looks shocked and I suddenly feel regret for turning this frustration with my parents into something having to do with us.

"Bella…"

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean that last dig. I'm not frustrated with you, I promise."

"Well, it sure sounds like you are," Edward remarks, a sad inflection in his voice. "If this no sex thing really bothers you that much…" I raise my hand and don't hesitate to interrupt him.

"It's fine, I promise. It was just a slip of the tongue," I claim.

"Listen, it's getting late and I'm sure my mother is already in bed since she wakes up so early to head into the restaurant." Edward pushes his plate away and stands, coming to me and wrapping his arms tightly around my waist. "It wouldn't do any good to go storming over there tonight, so let's just climb into bed and relax, alright? I think you need time to just calm down and relax."

"Okay," I concede as Edward kisses my lips softly and then instructs me to go slip on something of his while he cleans the kitchen. If I wasn't so upset, I'd seriously wonder again how the fuck I ended up with such a sweet guy. He's smart, logical, cooks and cleans. I've clearly won the boyfriend jackpot.

The next morning, after showering at Edward's place, he runs me over to Alice's to grab a change of clothes for work. As we walk in to the diner, I'm disappointed that Esme and Carlisle are nowhere to be found. Aro reminds me that they have a meeting and luncheon with some veterans' organization that Carlisle supports, so they aren't in at all today.

Instead of me stewing about this further, Edward sends his mother a text message and invites her over to his apartment for dinner with us tonight. I breathe a sigh of relief when she responds a few minutes later, excited about joining us. Edward agrees to make a simple meal and pick up some wine before picking me up at Alice's around five, an hour after I am off my shift.

Unfortunately, I can't help but think all day of what I will say to his parents when we finally discuss Charlie. I screw up my orders, drop a plate of fries on the floor and even burn my hand, all while unable to focus on anything but the drama in my life.

"Why don't you head home early, B?" Rebecca offers when she sees how borderline spastic I am being. I look at the clock and notice it's already 2, so most of the lunch rush has passed. "I can cover your tables, it's no worry."

"Thanks, Rebecca," I reply genuinely before I clock out and then literally run back to Alice's place.

I shower again and once I dress quickly in some sweats, I grab my laptop and begin researching as much as I can about my parents marriage and my father's life in Kuwait and Iraq. I even call the city records office, pretending to be a reporter and they advise me that though a wedding license was issued for Renee Clarke and Charles Swan, no actual wedding took place within New York. She advises me that they could have been married elsewhere, but I just don't think that is the case.

The more I uncover and the more I think about everything, I feel pretty confident that my parents had planned to get married and either decided to postpone it until Charlie returned, or they split up before he left for his tour of duty. I call Didyme's cell phone, hoping to get a few more sound bites from her on the topic, but she doesn't answer. She does text me a few minutes later telling me she is stuck in a meeting and will call when she can.

I'm wrapped up in government websites, trying to determine who to contact to get information on my father's time in the Army when Alice and Jasper stroll in, their lips locked together, and they are clearly unaware that I am in the room.

"Oh for fucks sake," I shout out, desperate for them to stop eating each other's faces, as I startle them both.

"Hey Bella," Alice says sweetly as she wipes off her lips with the back of her hand and Jasper ambles his way into the kitchen, opening up all the cupboards as though he is looking for something. "Jazzy, go sit down or something. You are making me nervous."

"As nervous as the word clitoris?" I ask, desperate for a little laughter in the drama that has become my life.

"Oh shut it," Alice chides as Jasper sits down in the armchair to my left and begins to roll himself a joint with some supplies from his pocket. Seriously? "Did you sleep at Edward's last night, cause I have been worried sick about you? Didn't you check your messages?" Yeah, I did, and I saw that she had left several, but I had bigger issues at the time.

"I'm sorry, Ali, but I was busy and fell asleep at Edward's. Things have been... rough."

"You need to take something to mellow you out," Japer suggests as he offers me his blunt and I raise my hand in refusal.

"Umm... no."

"Come on Belly Bean, you need to take the edge off," Jasper urges as Alice sits across his lap and he kisses her neck. I still have no idea what Alice sees in this stoner, but I'm also not around them enough to see how they interact together. Well, other than the sex stuff. They seem compatible there, I suppose.

"First of all, don't ever fucking call me Belly Bean again," I threaten as my eyes narrow at him and Alice gives me a small smile. I know she is trying to tell me to give Jasper a chance, but the more I get to know the moron, the more I don't like him. "Secondly, I don't need anything to take the edge off. I have a dinner tonight with Edward and his parents and I don't need to be fucking high for it."

"Oohh... meeting the parents, it must be serious," Alice states, trying to cut the tension in the room.

"I work with them every day, Ali."

"Oh, right. So then what's with the dinner?"

"Edward's dad knows Charlie, and the shit is gonna fly at that dinner. They have known all along about my past and never said a fucking word."

"What I wouldn't give to be a pie on that wall," Jasper adds as I raise my eyes at him in confusion.

"I think you mean fly."

"What?"

"The expression is 'what I wouldn't give to be a fly on that wall'."

"Well shit, that's just stupid. Pie is tastier."

"That's it," I cry out as I slam closed my laptop and climb off the couch in a huff. "Alice, other than his huge penis, I have no idea what the fuck you see in this guy. He's several sandwiches short of a picnic and clearly has a brain the size of a pea. I'm gonna go to your room and get changed for dinner. Then, I am going to stay at Edward's again tonight. Can we talk tomorrow after your shift?"

"Sure," Alice replies as she stands up and comes to me, opening her arms to give me a hug. "I know you are stressed, but you need a smile on your face. If you need to vent, you can vent to me, you know."

"I know, Ali," I sigh as she tightens her grip around me.

"By the way, I am totally with Jasper for his dick." Alice whispers to me, her voice extra low as she says the last word. I feel a sense of pride at her crude comment. "He won't be around much longer. Just until my lady bits tire of him."

"Thank fucking god," I add as we let go of each other and I begin to head into the bedroom.

"Call me if you need to talk tonight, okay? I know you have Edward and well... I have..." Alice turns to look at Jasper who is perched on the couch and currently trying to untie his shoes with his mouth and then turns back to me, a look of complete mortification on her face. "Yeah... if you need to talk, you know where to find me. We're still best friends, we should confide in each other about everything."

"Tomorrow, alright? I'll tell you everything then."

It's just past six o'clock when Esme and Carlisle arrive at Edward's place. He has been cooking up a storm since we got there and I have been doing some more research. I've submitted a request online through the National Archives for veterans' service records, but since I am not sure if I am listed as Charlie's next of kin, I have no idea if I will get anything. All I want to know is one thing – is my dad alive. This is harder to discover than I expected.

We exchange pleasantries when his parents arrive and they share with us some details on their luncheon from earlier in the day. When Esme asks how the diner fared, I am honest with her and tell her that I was having a rough day, so I went home early, but things seemed to go well regardless of my mishaps.

"Are you okay, honey?" Esme asks tentatively as I notice Edward put a lid on dinner before coming over to me, his arm draping around my shoulder as he sits beside me on the couch. Both of us look serious and I can see Esme is getting worried. "Did something happen with Renee?"

"Yeah, I went to see her yesterday after Carlisle suggested I needed to. He told me that Renee knew everything and she just wasn't sharing it with me." Edward pushes the wooden box towards his parents on the coffee table and the moment they open it up, Carlisle gasps slightly at the picture sitting right on top.

"He looks familiar, huh dad?" Edward questions stoically. "Don't you think you should have told Bella straight out that you knew who her father was? Did you think it was fair for either of you to give her a job, become friends with her and let her date your son, all the while knowing full well she had no idea who the hell her father was? How was this not relevant?"

"Years ago we agreed with Renee that it was her responsibility to tell Bella about Charlie. Though we didn't agree with the fact that Bella was still in the dark now about her father's death, we thought it would be best if she learned it from Renee. That was why I pushed Bella to talk to her yesterday," Carlisle attempts to explain as I freeze. What did he just say?

"Wait what... my father's death? Charlie is dead?" I reply softly, caught completely off guard by Carlisle's confession. Edward's hand begins moving slowly down my arm, trying to soothe some of the shaking that is currently overtaking my body as I urge Carlisle to tell me the truth. "I need to know what happened. I've been thinking that my dad just didn't want me, but I need to know, Carlisle."

"In February 1991, not long after your father was sent stationed in Saudi Arabia, he was part of a group of 28 American military personnel who were killed when Iraqi forces fired a scud missile at their barracks," Carlisle explained, his voice wavering as he leaned forward and grasped my knee. "Never for a minute think that Charlie didn't want you. From the moment he knew Renee was pregnant, you were the most important thing in his life."

**You need something to read until my next update? Check out The Loving Kind by Thimbles. She just posted the epilogue today. I also am enjoying Bringing Bella Home by counselor, Glass House by Livie79 and The Little Pink House by stacelo. You have a rec for me? Drop me a line and let me know! I'm always up for reading something good! :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**I know, I'm slacking on updates. I'm trying, I tell ya, but it's been a busy few weeks and I was sick more than I care to remember. This chapter goes out to MaggieMay14 who has a broken toe and a double ear infection from her vacation. That will teach you to go way! LOL. I adore Risbee and Acinad816 for their superior pre-reading skills. They are the bomb!  
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**I don't own Twilight. Just this crazy mess.  
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I can't help myself, and I begin sobbing as Edward wraps his arms around me and tears fall on to his shirt, soaking it through. My breathing falters and Edward rubs my back as he tries to get me to calm down, to soothe me somehow, but I just don't think it's possible. There is an overwhelming ache deep in my soul that is all encompassing; it takes me over and I am powerless to stop it.

After everything I have been through, and all the research I've been doing, I truly tried not to think of the possibility that my father could be dead. So many possibilities ran through my head like maybe he moved away and had a new family, so Renee was trying to spare me from that or something. Or maybe he didn't love Renee anymore and couldn't deal with me being a reminder of their relationship.

Nothing seemed to make sense.

Then again, this doesn't make sense to me either. Why would Renee hide this from me? He was a fucking war hero who died protecting his country. Why the fuck did she feel the need not to tell me? I would have understood. I would have had years to cope with the fact that he is gone.

Suddenly, I feel myself switch from sadness to anger. I ball up my tiny fists and hit them as hard as I can against Edward's chest, but he barely moves. "Let it all out, baby," he urges as I begin to shout in frustration, years of anger at my mother and now at Charlie for choosing to leave us in the first place, begin to surface and I couldn't care less if I am embarrassing myself in front of his parents, my employers. I don't give a shit. The tears begin to fall faster and I can't stop it.

Edward senses that I need some time alone and he urges me to go lie down in his room. He helps me move as his parents look at us with worried expressions. When he lays me down on his bed, the tears fall even worse than before, and he climbs up with me and wraps himself around me, cocooning me from the world.

"Are you okay?" I shake my head slowly as I feel his lips press against the top of my head. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere, okay? Get some rest and I will go let my parents out." Edward kisses me once more before slipping out of bed. I can't help but let the stress and sadness overcome me as I fall asleep on his bed, ignoring the muffled sounds of arguing in the living room.

When I wake up, I glance at the clock and am relieved to see I've only been asleep for an hour. However, there is a loud clanging noise in the kitchen and I dart out, anxious to see Edward. He's standing at the kitchen counter, drying off a pot and he's clearly not focusing on the task at hand as he drops it in the sink again.

"Edward." My voice is soft as he turns and drops the towel before rushing toward me.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" he questions, his voice deep with sadness. He looks tired and worn out. I run my fingers softly along the dark under his eyes and find myself wondering the same thing – why isn't he sleeping?

"I couldn't sleep anymore. I was trying not to think…" I stammer through my tears as Edward buries his face in my neck and squeezes me tightly. He smells like an Italian restaurant and my stomach immediately growls at the thought of food.

"I put everything away in the fridge, but I can make you a plate, if you want?" Edward offers and I nod softly as I look into the living room and notice it's empty. I turn back to look at him and he can sense exactly what I'm thinking, which is something I love about him. "I had them leave a little bit ago. After I put you down we…" Edward pauses and reaches into the fridge for the Tupperware he has filled with food.

"We what?" I ask, my voice a little hoarse from the yelling and crying of an hour ago.

"They wanted to wait and talk to you, to tell you everything that happened and why, but I didn't think it was for the best. So umm… Mom suggested that I record them… for your movie."

"You did what?" I look down at the table and sure enough, my video camera is sitting there and when I look up, Edward looks a bit sheepish.

"I thought after everything that has happened that they should at least give you that. So, for almost half an hour I taped them telling me how they met Charlie and what went down to lead us here." I can't help the small smile that crosses my face as Edward explains this to me. It was a wonderful idea, and now I've got everything recorded for posterity, but more than anything, I just want to see what they have to say. "You want to watch it, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Okay, you get it setup and I'll get dinner going." I grab the camera and head to the bedroom, because Edward is the only person in Manhattan without a TV in his living room, and immediately set everything up. A few minutes later, Edward comes in with two plates of spaghetti and meatballs, and I give him a small smile. "Are you ready for this?" he asks as he hands me a small TV tray to put my dinner on.

"I haven't been ready for half of the shit I've found out today, but let's just cut to the chase."

So, for the next half an hour, Edward and I sit side by side on his bed and watch the video of his parents telling us how they got mixed up in this whole situation with Renee.

Charlie met Carlisle a few days after he arrived in New York from Washington State. I watch as Carlisle tells his story with a smile on his face, and it's nice that he remembers Charlie so fondly. "He was staying with a friend a block or two away and was looking for work. Early every morning I would see him pass by as I was opening up the shop and I offered him a fresh muffin a few days later. I think he was shocked I was being so nice, but he took it anyways and then on the Sunday he came back in and had breakfast to thank me. We struck up an instant friendship because he was such a likeable guy."

"It was no wonder Renee fell so hard and fast for him," Esme says as Carlisle turns to her briefly before continuing.

"Even when he moved into an apartment on his own, he still came to the diner every Sunday and had breakfast. After a while, Esme and I just stopped working while Charlie was there and we all had breakfast together. Things began to slow a bit when he started dating your mother, but he still came around when he could. He was a straight shooter and never minced words, but Charlie always had a smile on his face, and his cheery attitude was almost infectious. You are a lot like him, Bella. In fact, I noticed that the first time I met you when you came into the restaurant to interview for the job."

I could see both of them getting a bit upset while remembering my father, but it was nice to know I am somewhat like my father. My food sits uneaten as I watch, enthralled, by Carlisle and Esme's information. They sat together on Edward's couch and explained in detail how friendly they had gotten with Charlie, and how he thought about applying to the NYPD once he returned from Iraq. Carlisle always had an affinity for the boys in blue, which was why he chose a location across the street from a precinct, and also why Carlisle encouraged Charlie's dreams. However, like Carlisle and Esme, they were all young and full of dreams. Soon enough, his became filled with Renee. She was the love of his life and vice versa.

"I know you are probably wondering, but Edward never actually met Charlie. If he remembers him at all, it's from the picture Carlisle has kept in his office for years of him and Charlie, who was in his uniform or maybe from Charlie being in the diner. Edward was pretty tiny when Charlie was deployed because we didn't bring the kids into the diner until they were a bit older."

"That picture was taken the last time I saw Charlie, so right before he shipped out to Iraq," Carlisle explains, and it's clear that he is having a rough time explaining all this. Like my mother, he has probably tried to compartmentalize everything in his mind so he didn't have to think about Charlie or his death. "He was over the moon when Renee announced her pregnancy and couldn't wait to be a father and husband, but as the weeks progressed, he found himself determined to make a better life for you and your mother. Charlie was working odd jobs in the city, sometimes it was construction and then he got a job driving a cab for a bit, but he always felt like he needed to do more… to be more for you and your mother."

"That's why he enlisted," Edward says softly beside me, pulling me from my own thoughts. I almost forgot he was there because I am so enthralled with the video before me.

"I wish he hadn't been so stubborn." It's a simple thought, one that puts the onus on Charlie for leaving in the first place, but I know he's not really to blame. If he had any idea that he wouldn't come home, I'm certain he wouldn't have gone in the first place. He was just trying to do what he felt was right for his family. How was he to know how it would turn out?

"He was in love and he was trying to provide for his family, you have to respect the guy for that."

"I respect him; I just wish I had the chance to meet him. I want to know how I am like him. Do we have the same laugh or the same smile? Did he hate raisins as much as I do? I just… I wish I could know. I tried this whole time to think positive and be like 'he's out there somewhere' but now… knowing that he's not, it's crushing."

"I know, baby. You were trying to be hopeful. Wanting him to be alive and have a good reason for being away, but he was trying to do right by you before you were born."

"But I needed him," I begin to cry. "It was selfish of him to leave in the first place."

I feel like a petulant child, but I can't help it. I was denied a father and left with Renee as a mother. Sure, she did the best she probably could, but I needed more. I turn back to the screen and watch as Carlisle explains that Charlie had wanted to marry Renee before he was shipped out, but she was hospitalized with issues relating to the pregnancy and there wasn't time. Charlie had agreed to postpone the wedding until he came back on leave, but of course, that never happened. Apparently, Charlie admitted to Carlisle that Renee didn't want him to go and was worried for his safety, but Charlie knew of no other way to get the stability, income and security he wanted for Renee and the baby because he simply didn't have the education to get a solid job, which was what he wanted.

"We first found out about your birth in the New York Post. There was a birth announcement and we saw that Renee had changed her name. At least you were born a Swan," Esme states on-screen. "Carlisle tried to reach out to Renee, but she was so busy with a new baby and her career was really taking off, that she blew him off. We ran into you guys at a park when Edward was about four and it was then that we agreed to let Renee tell you about Charlie in her own time."

"We had only met Renee a few times, but when we saw you, we saw a tiny little Charlie," Carlisle says as I watch him brush tears from the corners of his eyes, and I can't help but tear up myself. "I wanted Renee to let us play a small part in your life, and Esme even offered to babysit, but Renee turned us down. She was trying to distance herself from the constant reminders of Charlie, but she failed miserably, because you were always there. The biggest reminder of all."

I reach for the remote and pause the TV. "Well, that explains why she considered sending me to boarding school when I was younger, and also why she was so desperate for me to move out. I'm just one huge reminder of the love who was killed."

"I'm not condoning what Renee did, but before you jump to any conclusions regarding Renee's motives, I think you should talk to her." Once again, Edward is the voice of reason and we sit in silence as we attempt to eat our dinner and watch the last few minutes of the video.

Esme and Carlisle both apologize profusely and explain that they were just trying to honor Renee's wishes, which I can understand in hindsight, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. When the video is over, I've barely eaten any of my dinner, and Edward can sense that I'm stuck inside my head. I can't help but imagine what life was like for Charlie in the Middle East, or what Renee was going through while she was home with a newborn baby. I was only five months old when Charlie died and I wonder if Renee sent him any pictures of me, if he ever saw me, before he died.

I can't help but break out into tears again as Edward clears away our dinner and curls up beside me. "Listen, how about we go and see Renee tomorrow… get some of those answers you are looking for? I'll call Emmett and give him the day off. He'll appreciate it, believe me."

"No… no," I urge as I wipe away the tears with the back of my hand. "You have work to do. I can go and see Renee after my shift tomorrow."

"You know, I'm sure my mother will understand if you aren't in tomorrow. I can call in sick for you, if you want," Edward offers sweetly.

"No, it's not what I want!" I shout in frustration as Edward stills beside me. I know he is simply trying to be helpful, but I cannot just uproot my entire life because I found out my father has passed away. I may not be able to control the situation with my father, but I am damn sure I can control every other aspect of my life. I need to be able to move on. "I'm sorry, I just… I want to work tomorrow."

"Okay, I just thought you might want to rest or something." I kiss Edward gently against his lips, but I can see he isn't placated.

"I know, and I appreciate it, I do, but I just can't stop everything in my life because of this. I need to move forward." Edward seems to understand and as he takes our leftovers into the kitchen I call out to him that I am going to have a shower. It's really the only place I can get away in his apartment and I promised him that I would stay the night. Five minutes later as the hot water pours down my body and against my face, I cry for the loss of the father I will never know and the uncertainty in my life I just can't seem to shake.

The next morning, Edward drives me to the diner for my shift and it's almost like life is back to normal. Well, except for the sympathetic looks I am getting from the staff who are wondering what the hell is going on with me. I exchange pleasantries with them all and go about my day like everything is the same as it always has been. It's so hard to fake this kind of enthusiasm though, and as the day progresses, I get a headache.

During my lunch break, I call around to a few roommate wanted ads I saw in the paper and even schedule to go and see one after work today. Edward keeps insisting that he wants me to stay, and even made me a great breakfast this morning in an effort to sway me, but I declined. I need to do this for me. Perhaps I'm just being stubborn like my father, but I need to pave my own path in this world and shacking up with my boyfriend of like two months wouldn't help me. I need to break the co-dependence streak I've discovered I have.

After work, as I am heading to Alice's apartment, Edward calls and sounds disappointed when I tell him I have made plans to go and see an apartment with Alice and then we are having dinner afterwards. "I wish you had mentioned something sooner," he remarks as I scrunch up my nose and feel confused.

"Well, I just called her during my last break and she agreed to go with me to check out the place in the East Village that I had called about." Of course, Alice told me she was bringing a can of mace and some bloody knuckles, just in case, but I informed her that the woman on the phone sounded really nice and she wouldn't need her weapons. Alice vehemently disagreed, stating that we are in Manhattan and anything could happen. Alice was also excited to sit down and hear everything that had happened the night before. To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to rehashing everything, but I couldn't keep this from Alice. "Did we have plans I'm unaware of?" I'm sure my voice sounds coarser than I intend, but I can't help it.

"Well no, but you have been staying with me for the past few days, so I thought we could pick up some Chinese food and just relax tonight." I can hear the utter disappointment in his voice and I hate it, but I need to do this with Alice.

"I'm sorry, babe. I made these plans with Alice earlier in the day and I really want to talk to her about all this stuff with my dad. She's been there through everything with Renee, and I need her input. Do you want me to come over after dinner?"

"No, it's fine… be with Alice. I'll just see you whenever." Edward abruptly hangs up the phone and I can't help but stand there dumbfounded at what has just gone down. What the hell is going on with him?

**Looking for something to read? True Nature by M7707 is a complete short story that I enjoyed. The Loving Kind by thimbles is awesome and I'm dying to see what happens in Pearls & Swine by BellaSunshine. Go forth and read, after you leave your review telling me how much you hate Renee!**


	21. Chapter 21

**I know, it's been a few days since my last update, but life has been hectic. On a positive note, the next 3 chapters are with my beta, so they should come along sooner. Thanks to MaggieMay14 for betaing this beast, Risbee & Acinad816 for pre-reading and all of you for reading.  
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**I don't own Twilight. I did wear mis-matched socks to work today.  
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"So, what did you hate the most? And you better be honest!" Alice questions emphatically, as I shovel some beef and broccoli into my mouth while we sit on the couch of her cozy apartment. We are discussing the apartment we saw earlier in the evening, which was a decent two bedroom, one bath place that was in a good location and a good size. I really found no major fault in the apartment itself, except…

"Well… it's a walk up, so that will suck for moving," I offer, grasping at straws for something to complain about.

"You barely have anything to move, B. I mean, you and I moved your shit out in garbage bags. Half of it is here and the other half is at Edward's. It wouldn't take much muscle to move you again." I nod at Alice, because she's right. It's not like I have a ton of furniture to move, or even any furniture at all. The most expensive thing I own is my camera. Of course, moving would also require that I _get_ some furniture, since the second bedroom at the potential apartment is completely empty. "Was there anything you loved about the place?"

"It's close to the subway and not far from McSorely's, so there's that."

"Are you planning to become a hard core drinker?"

"No," I reply as I roll my eyes. "It would just be nice to go somewhere else for drinks every once in a while. We always stick around here or go to Canal."

"Well, Jasper did try to get us to expand our…"

"Don't even talk to me about Jasper and his stupid fucking party. That was a disaster."

"The party had its good points." I looked at Alice with eyes wide, because there was no way she was being serious after the pure fuckery that was our night on Long Island.

"Like what, when Edward couldn't stop trying to pet the cab driver on the way home? Or when he thought 'blubber' was the funniest word ever all because your boyfriend got him high on LSD."

"Boyfriend is kind of stretching it…"

"Fine, your 'fuck buddy' got him high." Alice cringes at the mention of the word fuck and I grab onto her embarrassment and hold on for dear life. "Come on Alice, say it… say fuck buddy. Does he like to batter dip his corn dog? Does he know how to fill your cream donut? I can go all night with these euphemisms, Brando."

"Shut it. Anyways, let's discuss the place. Did you know that Drag Cabaret place is just a few blocks south? We could have fun there one night."

"Because that is high on my list of priorities right now… 'find a place near a drag club'. Anyways, Ali, people there will probably say inappropriate four letter words that will make you blush and cover your ears." Alice growls lowly at me and I just smile before whispering 'vuvla' to her. Sometimes, I don't know how she puts up with me. "You don't need strangers scarring you for the rest of your life, do you?"

"Anyways, what about the girl… Rosamund? Rosetta? Roscoe?"

"It was Rosalie, and she seemed nice enough. She's a little older than us, obviously smart and seems put together. At least she didn't smell, right? And the place was clean…"

"I didn't see any track marks on her arms," Alice interrupts as I look at her confused before taking another mouthful of my dinner. "What? I looked. It's important that you don't end up with some addict who can't make her part of the rent. Did Rosalie say what she did?"

"She fixes cars or something like that. Anyways, the rent is a bit steep. I mean, I'd have to pay $1,200 a month for a bedroom, a bathroom and use of the kitchen. Plus, I'd need to buy furniture and then each month I have to feed myself. Maybe I can't afford to move after all."

Yeah, I'm getting a bit depressed with the whole thing, but based on my salary and the meager tips I make, because let's face it I'm a shitty waitress, I'll probably be left with like $6 once all the bills are paid each month. I can't even buy decent street meat with that. How in the hell will I make this work?

"Uh hello…" Alice says as she snaps her fingers in front of me, pulling me from my reverie. "$1,200 is dirt cheap by Manhattan standards and all utilities are included. Plus, Debbie Downer, your boyfriend is a chef. Make him cook for you. You can probably save a few hundred bucks a month by letting Edward shower you with delicious meals. Plus, if you stop shopping at the fucking Whole Foods, and buying their expensive, stinky cheeses and shit, you won't go broke. I get that living on your own is hard, but other than moving in with Edward or going home to Renee, what option do you have?"

"Living in a van down by the river?" Who are we kidding; going home to Renee is not an option.

"Who the fuck is gonna lend you a van?" Alice snips as I smack her on the shoulder and laugh. "I know Rosalie's is the first place you've looked at, but you don't have time to be picky. You can't live in limbo forever and it really was kinda nice."

We sit in silence for the next few minutes as Alice finishes her dinner and I contemplate her words. Even though she is stupid when it comes to relationships and men, Alice is smarter than I give her credit for. She would have been a great psychiatrist, which is probably why I came to her in the first place. I appreciate Edward and his level-headed advice, but there is nothing like bending the ear of your best friend in times of need.

When I can't eat anymore, Alice clears away the takeout containers and comes back to sit beside me on the couch. She's clutching a bottle of Tequila as she nudges my shoulder gently and gives me a gentle smile. "So, let's stop beating around the bush and tell me about your dad. What happened?"

We each take a quick pull from the bottle and I let loose, telling her everything from the meeting with Renee where she gave me the box full of memories to the disastrous almost dinner with Esme and Carlisle. She listens intently, offering support where necessary and knowing when to just give me a hug, like a best friend should. She is all smiles when I tell her that Edward recorded his parents and their detailed account for my documentary.

"Well, that's kind of unexpected, wouldn't you say?" Alice questions as I take the bottle from her and have another drink.

"No, not really. Edward's always been really great about the whole documentary thing."

"Lucky cow," Alice mutters as I look at her oddly. "Don't look at me like you don't know."

"Know what?" I ask, dumfounded.

"You got one of those rare guys who are sweet, kind and loving. They are few and far between, my friend."

"What about Jasper?" I ask with a laugh as Alice scoffs loudly.

"What Jasper lacks in common sense, sweetness and general cleanliness, he makes up for in the bedroom. He's not the marrying type and Edward totally is." Alice smirks at me and I roll my eyes. I am no where close to wanting to marry anyone, let alone Edward, but she is right. Edward is a much better catch than Jasper. "If I wasn't so addicted to… our intimate times… I would have dumped him long ago."

"You do realize that for a girl who is using a man, and I use that term loosely, solely for sex, you are far too much of a prude, right?"

"So?" Alice shrugs her shoulders and I give her a smile. There really is no one else in this world quite like my Alice. "Anyways, since we are talking about Edward… how is that going?"

"It's alright," I hedge as I take another sip of tequila and find myself wishing Alice had some lemons to chase the booze.

"Uh oh… trouble in paradise already?"

"No," I lie effortlessly as I begin to wonder what happened earlier in the afternoon to make him hang up on me. We didn't have plans, and yeah I've been staying with him lately, but it's not like I had moved in. Did he just assume all of my free time would be filled by him? Shit, I didn't even know what time he would get off work tonight.

"Spill it." Alice nods at me and urges me along. Fucking figures, even though I don't say anything, Alice always knows. It's like she has some kind of foresight or something.

"Fuck, fine," I huff as Alice grins madly. "When I told him you were going with me to look at the apartment today and that we were having dinner afterwards, he got a bit… weird, I guess."

"Weird how?"

"He hung up on me," I reply succinctly, still confused by it all.

"Did you have plans or something? I'm not interrupting some nookie time or something, am I? If I am, please don't tell me." Alice dramatically slaps her hands over her ears and I pull them away with a sigh.

"No… no, nookie time. Edward wants to wait, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," Alice says with a hint of sadness as she wraps her arm around my shoulder. "So, what _is_ going on then?"

"I don't know," I reply simply. "I mean, things were going good yesterday, well beside the whole 'your dad is a dead war-hero thing', but we were good. He was sweet and just… awesome. I may even have to call him Captain Awesome, he was really that great."

"I sense a but..."

"I just feel like maybe he's expecting too much of me maybe? He said I could move in with him, and we could even have separate bedrooms, but I don't feel like that is helping me gain my independence, you know?"

"Bella, you do realize that there is a big difference between exerting your independence and being co-dependent, right?" I stop and take another swig from the tequila, this time a longer pull because she has me completely confused. "Let's put it this way, I know you want to be independent and live on your own, have your own money and be your own person, but don't push away those that love you in the process. They just want to help."

I sit still, silent, and wonder if that is what I have been doing to Edward. Have I, in my mission to try and become this independent and successful woman, been unconsciously pushing him away? I've never had to answer to anyone before, because Renee certainly didn't care what I did while I was growing up, and while I don't have to answer to Edward, perhaps I should give him the courtesy of just being open with him. I just don't want to have to rely on him.

"I haven't been doing it on purpose," I admit as Alice hugs me closer.

"I know you haven't, but it doesn't mean you haven't been doing it," Alice explains calmly. "Now, does this mean I think you should move in with him… no. I think you should move in with Rosalie because she looked like she had a great shoe collection and that we were about the same size… among other reasons. I also think it means you should do something to encourage his help in other ways. Maybe he can help you find a bed for your new bedroom, and you can test the mattresses." Alice winks suggestively at me and I can't help but smile.

"Sometimes, you are so smart, and other times I want to punch you in the crotch."

"That's love right there for ya!" Alice laughs and I begin to tickle her sides as we roll off the couch and onto the floor, almost spilling the tequila, which outrages Alice. "That would have been alcohol abuse, you know. We can't let that happen." Alice takes another pull from the bottle and hands it to me, as I follow suit.

Thank god for Alice.

It's just after eight the next morning when my cell alarm begins going off and 'Party in the USA' begins blaring loudly. Fucking Alice, I will kick her ass for changing my ring tone, I curse as I grab at my aching head. Wow, we drank far too much the night before. I sit up, my back aching as I realize I slept on the floor, while Alice is passed out on the couch.

I turn my alarm off on the phone and notice I have 5 missed text messages. I begin to go through my text history and cringe as I see the messages I sent Edward and those he sent in reply.

_-I'm sorwy, you are very cut_

-What does that even mean, B?

-_ I'm apoligi… I'm apoplectic_

_- _I think you mean you are apologizing. I'm not mad.

- _I miss u. U r sexy and I lub u_

- Let's talk when you aren't smashed, Bella

-_Let's hive a baby, babeee_

_- _And I'm out. Call me tomorrow.

Jesus fucking Christ. I drunkenly told Edward I loved him and that I want to have his baby. What in the fuck was I thinking? Why didn't Alice stop this from happening? I look over at my best friend and nudge her with my foot as she falls off the couch and smacks me with her arm.

"What in the hell?"

"Why did I tell Edward I wanted to have his baby last night?"

"Oh yeah… fun times. We were watching Baby Boom on Lifetime and you said you didn't want to end up a single mom, like your mom." I groan and lay my head back on the couch. "At least Diane Keaton was successful and shit… right?"

"That's beside the point. Edward and I need to talk and instead of being an adult, I text him that I'm apoplectic and that I want his kid."

"I don't think apoplectic was the word you were aiming for there, B."

"Thanks for clearing that up," I yell as I climb off the floor and have to steady myself on the arm of her couch. "A loud knocking at her door makes both of us groan in pain as Alice manages to get herself up from the floor to answer the door.

"Oh fuck."

"Is Bella here?" a familiar and very unwelcome voice from my past asks. "Renee said I might find her here."

"Well, Renee was wrong, so you can just go on your merry way." I let out a small sigh and push Alice's door open the rest of the way, coming face to face with the last person I expected to see.

"What in the hell are you doing here, Marcus?"

**Need something to read? What about Lost Half by LyricalKris? or maybe you should check out the severely under-reviewed Spoonful of Lemon by babyward? Go read and please review! Authors really appreciate that :) Also, voting is open till this sunday in the Going For The Gold Fic Contest I hosted. Get on it!**


	22. Chapter 22

**So, I felt a little bad that it took so long to get the last update to you, that I decided to post another one today. I'm so generous. Plus, the girls over on Facebook were a little encouraging. If you haven't found me on facebook yet, I'm coldplaywhore words. I'm very random on there, all my followers can attest to that. I'm also coldplaywhore on twitter, if you want to see me weep over the fact that my life-mate Risbee is on vacation.**

**The usual thanks to MaggieMay14 for beta'ing this one so fast, and to Risbee for ditching me for Disneyworld and Acinad816 for pre-reading like a mofo.**

**I don't own Twilight. I do have a lot of reviews from the last chapter to catch up on. Seems like you all liked girl time LOL**

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Jesus fuck, could this day get any worse? Well, maybe if Jasper was standing bare-assed in the kitchen again, it might.

My head is pounding like a jackhammer, I've stupidly told my boyfriend of one month that I love him and want to have his babies, and now my asshole ex-boyfriend is standing at the door of Alice's apartment looking at me like I just kicked his puppy. Thankfully, he doesn't have a pet. Marcus couldn't keep a plant alive, let alone an animal.

"Are you going to answer me?" I question, angrily as I stare at him and fight back the urge to run to Ali's bathroom to vomit up a bottle of Tequila. "What are you doing here?"

Marcus looks contrite and when I look behind him, I see his oversized backpack covered in a myriad of Grateful Dead patches propped up against the wall in Alice's hallway. "I was hoping you'd be happier to see me."

"You'd be wrong," Alice pipes in as she stands beside me, looking more like a bodyguard than my best friend. Marcus shoots her an evil glare, because lord knows they never got along in the past, and I push him into the hallway. I give Alice a brief look that tells her I need to talk to him in private and she simply nods in understanding, as I follow Marcus into the hallway and glower at him in anger. Could he have shown up at a worse possible time?

It's been almost three months since I saw him last and things are now drastically different. Hell, _I'm_ very different than I was back in Boston, but Marcus doesn't seem to care about that. He looks exactly like the guy I thought I was in love with, except his hair is a bit longer and his beard is very scruffy. Like, squirrels could be living in there or I'm an honorary member of ZZ Top, kind of scruffy. He's not as attractive as I used to think he was.

"You look good, baby… real good." His voice is smooth as silk, just like I remember it, but this time it holds no power over me. My knees aren't weak and I don't get the same excited feeling I used to. This is good. When Marcus reaches up to sweep some hair behind my ear, my arm stretches up and grasps his wrist before he can.

"You don't get to do this… you don't get to touch me, anymore," I state firmly, feeling my back straighten up a bit as I glare at him with pure fury rolling off of me. "You dumped me by a text message, can you be more callous? You couldn't even tell me the night before that you didn't want me anymore? No, you fucked me and then left. You are a piece of shit."

I feel strong, tough, and able to kick him in the balls and have him double over, but I don't. I might though; it depends on how much of a douchebag Marcus is going to be.

"Listen baby, I never…" I raise my hand and silence him immediately.

"You don't get to call me baby, anymore, so stop it." Marcus looks even more resigned than he did a minute ago, and I hope it's finally getting through his thick skull that he shouldn't have come here. He isn't wanted.

"Okay, fine… how about we go grab some breakfast, my treat, and we can discuss the obvious misconception you have about me leaving."

"What fucking misconception? You told me you were going to Burning Man and to have a nice life. That was it. What is there for me to misconstrue there?" I snap as I hear a loud thump against the door and I know Alice is standing on the other side with her ear pressed up against the wood, listening intently. I roll my eyes and stare furiously at the man who fucked with my heart more than anyone ever.

"I never meant life… I meant summer. Now that summer is almost over, I'm back. I'm going to settle in Manhattan and I thought we could pick up…"

"Oh no… you are not about to tell me that you think we can just pick up where we left off, are you?" Marcus nods sheepishly and I can't help the roar of laughter that bubbles out of me. I am literally screeching and laughing so hard in the hallway that tears begin pouring down my face. This is honestly the funniest shit I've heard in the longest time, and considering all the drama in my life, I need this little bit of comic relief. "Did you suffer some sort of head injury in the last few months?"

"No."

"Does anything about my current demeanor seem to imply that I want to get back together with you?"

"No… but…"

"No, there are no buts in this situation. You dumped me and went to Burning Man, which I doubt you even went to since it's held at the end of August and it's still July. I'd ask you what you really did, but I don't give a fuck."

"But… baby…" If I was Linda Blair and this was the Exorcist, I'm certain that my head would be spinning right now. The look of pure fury on my face causes Marcus to hold up his hands in surrender. I would think that he is finally getting the hint, but I can tell he's as persistent as ever. In fact, his persistence was something I was attracted to in the beginning of our relationship, but now… it's just creepy. "Listen, I just want some time to talk to you about what happened and..."

"Bella?" I hear Edward's voice call out as I lean back against the door and sigh. Apparently, my day can get worse. "Is everything alright?" he questions as he steps closer and Marcus doesn't look a bit concerned. In fact, he's got this possessive glimmer in his eye as he puffs out his chest, and I'm amazed I hadn't made fun of his poncho earlier. Oh this little confrontation between my past and my present will not go over well.

"We're just having a conversation, pal. Don't worry about it. You can go on your way. Is that your neighbor?" Marcus asks as he points over his shoulder at Edward. "He should mind his own fucking business."

Edward bristles at Marcus' attitude and I'm standing there wondering what the hell Edward is doing here. He should be with Emmett getting the food truck stocked and ready for the day, but instead he's here. Perhaps, after all my crazy texts from the night before, he just wanted to make sure I didn't choke on my own tongue or something because I was clearly out of it. Can people even do that? Marcus begins to wave Edward off with his hand, being his usual rude and conceited self, but Edward simply reaches out to grasp his wrist and hold him still.

"Do you know this guy, Bella?"

"Uh…"

"I'm her boyfriend, Marcus, and you are?"

"Woah, wait… no you aren't," I retort quickly as Edward drops Marcus' wrist and then coils his hand into a fist and punches Marcus square in the jaw. "Fuck," I shout out, as Alice whips open the door to find Marcus gripping his jaw as Edward stretches his hands, ready to punch again. Alice and I both step between the men, which isn't the smartest thing to do, but we need to separate them. "Marcus is my ex-boyfriend, and Marcus… this is Edward, my current boyfriend."

"Wow, you certainly move on fast, Bells," Marcus counters as Edward punches him again, this time a little harder. "Fuck you," Marcus spits as I hold my arms out, doing my best to keep more punches from being thrown. Alice looks positively thrilled by the turn of events because having two men fight over her is chivalrous and exciting in her eyes.

Not so much for me, though.

"Marcus, you dumped me… remember? Regardless of whether or not you claimed you didn't mean to, it doesn't matter. I'm with Edward now, and like I told you, I don't think we need to sit down and hash shit out. You need to go back to Boston or Burning Man or wherever the hell it was you went to." I slide in beside Edward, and his arm drapes possessively over my shoulder, as we stare at the obviously confused man before us.

Marcus grasps his backpack and lifts it over his shoulder with a grimace. "You're different Bella, and I don't mean that in a good way," Marcus snips as I roll my eyes and Edward pulls me closer to his side. "You can have her."

"Thanks, I think I will," Edward remarks coolly as he moves us to the side, ushering Marcus past and down the hallway. When he finally disappears out of sight, all three of us breathe a sigh of relief.

"Well that was fun," Alice chimes in as I literally growl at her. "I think I will go have a shower… or repaint my room or something." Before Alice can leave, I grip her arm and whisper a quick thanks, before I drag Edward into her tiny living room.

It seems we need to have a long talk.

After Edward called Emmett and asked him to hold down the fort for a little while, we sit on the couch and awkward silence surrounds us. We both try to apologize at the same time and it makes shit even more awkward.

"Okay, so let me get this over with," I said as Edward nodded his head slowly. "I had no idea Marcus was going to show up here. He apparently went to Renee's and she told him where to find me. We haven't talked since he broke up with me via text message."

"I never thought that something was going on with him, Bella. It seems like he just came to his senses and realizes he lost a really good thing." Edward seems downright casual as he discusses Marcus and it's such a relief. Anytime anyone even looked at me funny while I was dating Marcus he was very possessive and made sure to stake his claim. I'm so glad that Edward isn't like him in that regard, well except for today, obviously. "He was just being a douchebag and clearly wasn't listening to you, so my frustration got the better of me. I'm sorry."

"There's no need to apologize for sticking up for me." Hell, if anything, Edward's behavior is a bit of a turn on, and by 'bit' I mean 'massive'. I grin at Edward and try to hide the now explicit thoughts going through my mind because Edward can almost tell exactly what I am thinking sometimes. I really don't need him to know what I am visualizing now, especially since we are not lovers as of yet.

"On another note, I'm sorry if you felt put out or disappointed yesterday when I told you I was spending the afternoon with Alice. It's just… she's always been there for me and helped me through all the big things in my life, so choosing her to go with me to look at an apartment wasn't a conscious thought, I just did it. Does that make any sense?" I hope he can understand things from my point of view, because if not, then things between us are even worse than I expected. And believe me; I let my imagination get the better of me sometimes.

Alice has always been the shoulder I cried on, and the person I leaned on the most. Whenever things were bad in Boston, Alice always took the train up and spent the weekend eating ice cream and watching bad Sandra Bullock movies with me. She knew how to make me feel better just by being herself and it's this sisterhood with Alice that has always trumped everything else in my life, and I don't want Edward to feel like it will always be this way. I want to have this same closeness with Edward, but we are just starting out together. I don't want to rely on him too much, only to have him run because I need him so much.

"Yeah, I get where you are coming from, I just wish you would have considered me, too. I care for you, too much to let you push me away, and if you need help… I'm here for you, ya know?"

"It's not easy for me to rely on someone, Edward. Alice has been there forever and I didn't purposely try to hurt you. I also didn't want to feel like it was something you _had _to do because we're dating. I want us to have a cohesive relationship, not one where I'm always taking from you, which is what it has felt like lately. I don't want to be a burden." I feel a little bit better for having shared some of my fears, but Edward still seems wary.

"I never wanted you to think that, and I don't feel like, you have ever been a burden, Bella."

"Oh, you don't make me feel that way… I just don't want us to ever get to that point. I think us moving in together, even if it is as roommates, is far too soon. You didn't want to rush the sex part of our relationship and I refuse to rush the rest of it. I want us to keep being exciting, romantic, spontaneous and fun. I don't want us to turn into the couple who argue over replacing the toilet paper or putting away the dishes… well, not yet anyways."

Edward scoots closer, and wraps his arm over my shoulder, effectively pulling me against his side. I breathe in his scent and can't help but smile. My relationship with him is better than anything I had in the years I shared with Marcus.

"So one day you _might_ want to argue with me over the fact that I can't replace the toilet paper?" Edward questions as I nod my head against his chest.

"Yeah, definitely one day, but not yet. I'm just beginning to discover who I am, and though I love being with you, I need to grow up a little bit more before I can move in with my boyfriend on a permanent basis."

"I understand, Bella, but you need to know you can't push me away either. I want to help you; in any capacity you'll let me, alright?"

"Alright," I reply timidly before I turn in his arms and sit up straighter, kissing him softly on his lips. Edward's strong hands wind their way through my messy hair and he pulls me onto his lap, kissing me with more passion and fervor than I have felt in days.

I forget virtually everything, especially where we are, when I feel Edward's hands against my bare skin as he pushes my shirt up slightly. I can feel the goose bumps as they break out over my skin, eliciting a small moan from me, as we are nearing new territory between us. I desperately want him to keep going, for his hands to grasp my breasts and his mouth to wrap around my already hard nipple, but I can sense he is going to stop.

Boy, am I wrong.

Edward pushes his hips up, and I grind myself against his obvious erection as our kissing escalates. His lips latch onto my neck as his big hands cup just the underside of my breasts. Yeah, I'm not wearing a bra, and I am so happy for that at the moment. To be honest, I don't even recall what happened to it, just that I took it off some time before I passed out. As I feel Edward's thumbs brush against my nipples, I realize I don't care if I don't ever see that bra again as long as he keeps doing this to me.

"Mmmmm…" I purr as I feel Edward push against me again and I feel the sudden urge to strip off all my clothes and mount him like Secretariat. God, I need to be fucked good and hard by this gorgeous man below me.

We are desperate, needy and clingy for each other, our lips and hands eager for more, as Alice stumbles into the room and clears her throat. "Uh… you need to get to work," I stammer as we both freeze and I'm relieved to know my shirt is still covering my tits. That could have been awkward and I can only imagine how traumatized Alice would have been if things were a little more 'heated' between Edward and I.

"Do you work today?" Edward questions, his breathing labored, as he tries to calm down from our most intense make-out session to date.

"No, I have the day off," I reply as I look up at Alice who is dressed in her horrid uniform and smirking madly at me. I let out a small sigh of disappointment, because I'd really like her to leave so we can finish what we started, but I know Edward won't let that happen. "I think I am going to contact Rosalie and see if she still wants a roommate. Sure the place is in the East Village, but it's clean and I think I might like it there." I can see Alice smile at me as Edward grips my hips tightly and leans in to kiss my chin.

"Okay baby, just let me know if you need anything, okay? How about we meet up for tacos down at the Taco Hut at like 6?" I agree easily and climb off of Edward before leading him towards the hallway. We kiss again for a few minutes before I insist he leaves to go help Emmett. When he finally disappears from my sight, I head back into the apartment and Alice is smiling at me so big I think her face might crack.

"What?"

"Nothing," she replies non-chalantly as she slips her purse over her shoulder and continues to smile. "I just don't think that sex embargo Edward has imposed is gonna last much longer."

"Why do you say that?"

"Did you see the um… boner… that guy was sporting when he left? He could take an eye out with that thing."

**I'm expecting a big thank-you for posting 2 chapters in less than 24 hours btw LOL**


	23. Chapter 23

**I know you are all eager for a lemon to happen, but I have some stuff to tackle first. LOL. Thanks to MaggieMay14 for her brilliant beta work, and to Risbee & Acinad816 for pre-reading this mess.**

**I don't own Twilight. I do own I lot of sweaters I haven't used since we're having a heat wave in Ontario these days LOL.**

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Three days later, I'm finally enjoying an afternoon off after working the early morning shift today. Before I left the diner, I called Rosalie, inquiring about the availability of the apartment. Thankfully, it's still available and she hasn't met anyone in the past few days that seemed anywhere near as normal as me. This is a major relief. Not that there are weird people in Manhattan, that's just a given, but that I am the front-runner for the apartment.

Even though I know signing up to be her roommate will put a considerable strain on my finances, I know that I have to live somewhere. Rosalie isn't asking for first and last months' rent, just for me to pay on the first of each month, so I agree to move in on August 1st, which is only a week away. It's with a huge sigh and a soon to be empty bank account that I agree to meet up with her on the 27th to sign an agreement and have a few drinks. Rosalie even offers to pay for the drinks, which makes me like her a little bit more.

When I get back to Alice's apartment, I grab a quick bite to eat and then shower the day off of me. Edward and I have plans to have dinner at his apartment tonight, so in the meantime I've decided to do some research for my documentary. Of course, my mind is completely distracted by my upcoming move, so I begin searching online for furniture. I've made an excel spreadsheet complete with the list of basics I need. I have some stuff in storage at Renee's building like towels, pots and pans and kitchen utensils that I had left over from Boston. I'm sure it won't be a problem to swing by and pick them up on the actual moving day, but it's things like a bed, dresser and a desk that I need most of all.

I scan the usual furniture websites and am astonished by the massive prices these people charge for shit that is nothing more than particle board and glue. As I get up to grab a coffee, I notice Alice's Ikea catalogue sitting on her kitchen counter and begin to flip through it. Though I can't pronounce most of the things in there, and I will have to put them together, or Edward will, at least the prices are somewhat decent. For the price of a bed at The Pottery Barn, I can get a bed, dresser, mirror, desk, nightstand and about 8 million tea lights and throw pillows at Ikea. I like this idea very much.

In less than an hour, I have a complete shopping list done and have called Alice to make plans to go to the store on the 30th to pick up everything. I call Esme and she agrees to let me use the delivery van for the diner, provided they don't have anything major going on that day. It finally feels like things are falling into place, and I can't help the smile on my face.

At just after five, I've dressed up in a cute white sundress from Alice's closet and am about to go meet Edward at his place when I open the door and find Renee standing there with her hand raised, about to knock. I'm completely blindsided.

"Hi," she says softly as she puts her hand back down to her side and gives me a small smile. "Are you going out?"

"Yeah, I have a date with Edward." I'm very succinct in my answer, but she has caught me so off guard, I'm not sure what to do. I'm silent as I appraise her, and she looks really tired. That's saying a lot for Renee, who used to paint all night and then sleep all day while I was in school.

"Oh well… I should have called first."

"No, it's okay," I offer as I open the door and welcome her in. Sure, the apartment is a complete pigsty, but I don't give a shit. It's not like she's moving in too. "Let me just text Edward and let him know I will be a bit late. Do you want something to drink?" I'm reaching into my purse to grab my phone as Renee declines my offer. Then again, all I could really give her is water or coffee. Alice and I drank almost everything else in the apartment the other day. Well, the alcoholic stuff.

After I send off a quick message to Edward, I move a stack of magazines off the armchair and sit down. Renee is perched on the couch, looking particularly anxious. "So…I went into the diner the other day. I wanted to talk to you, but Esme informed me that you were off for the day." This would be the day after the disastrous dinner with Edward's parents. "I wanted to talk to you about the box and why… why I did what I did. Esme told me that she and Carlisle told you about your dad's death."

I nod slowly, unable to find the words I want to say. Though screaming at her for withholding this from me for so long seems fitting, I can't find the energy in me to do it. Renee suffered silently through Charlie's death for so long. Whether I agree with her methods for coping or not, she tried her best, right?

"I know you may not realize it right now, but I tried. It was really hard for me to be a single mom; suffering through the death of the one man who I thought would be there forever. To this day I still harbor some resentment towards your father for enlisting. I didn't want him to do it. I never thought it was the answer to our problems. If he had just waited… I sold a painting a few weeks before you were born and almost all of our financial problems went away." Renee sniffs slightly and I watch as she wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand. Clearly, Renee hasn't moved on and discussing this with me is only making it worse. However, seeing how much it affects me, only serves to remind me of what I am trying to gain for all of this.

I dart into Alice's room and grab my camera. When I return, I wave it at my mother and she immediately knows. "I'm making a documentary about finding… or I guess, looking, for Charlie. Do you mind if I record this?"

"If this is what you need to do to make it all okay, then I'm fine with it." I offer Renee a small smile and setup my tripod and camera, happy with the angle and lighting, before I turn it on.

"How did you meet, Charlie?" I question as I watch Renee take a deep breath and release it. She smiles in return and finally lets it all go. She tells me all about meeting him at a bar on New Year's Eve in 1989. Renee had finished a major project at art school and went out to celebrate with her friends and Charlie came in. He bought her a drink, asked her to dance and from then on they were inseparable. Things moved quickly in their relationship and almost two months after meeting, Renee was pregnant. I do the math in my head and quickly put two and two together.

"So, you slept with Charlie on New Year's Eve and I was conceived, right?"

"Yeah," Renee concedes with a nod. "Don't get me wrong though, by the time I found out I was expecting you, I was head over heels in love with your father. I told him as soon as I found out and he was over the moon. Sure, it was quick, but when you know what you want, you go for it."

Renee continues to tell me about how Charlie got his own place, and she'd spend most of her time there and not at the apartment she had with some art school friends. They would spend their days working hard and trying to save their money for my birth, and their nights were filled with hope and promises. Charlie wanted to get married at the top of the Empire State Building, so he could yell out to the world how much he loved her. Renee wanted something smaller on a beach in Long Island, but Charlie wanted to give her the world.

"I didn't want the world though, all I wanted was him." Renee starts to tear up again and I offer her the nearest box of tissues, only to find it's empty. Renee hands it back and wipes her tears away with her hand.

"What happened after I was born?"

"Things were good shortly after Charlie was sent off to war. I missed him but he called as often as he could. My career was really taking off, I sold a few paintings and when I went into labor, your grandparents came to town and helped me out. We were living at Charlie's apartment then. When I found out he… when I found out about the attack, I just couldn't handle having a five month old daughter and dealing with his… death. Your grandma Lola stayed in the city for a while and basically raised you for the first months of your life."

This news shocks me to my bones. Obviously Renee took things harder than I realized, but to have my grandmother raise me for a few months is just… I never expected that news.

"Why… why did you leave me with her?" I question, my voice cracking in frustration.

"I just wasn't strong enough, Bella. You have always been my little fighter. Stronger than anyone ever gave you credit for, but you got all your strength from your dad. I tried, I really did. I spent my days trying my best to make sure you were fed and rested and all the rest of it, but then I would spend my nights awake crying. Your grandparents made me go see a shrink about my depression and then I was admitted to a psych hospital. Your grandmother was heaven sent on those days, let me tell you. Without her, I have no idea what would have happened."

I sit still, unable to move, and consider everything that Renee has told me thus far. Her life following the death of Charlie was far worse than I expected it to be. Do I forgive her for her past mistakes, no not really, but I can understand them to a certain degree. I didn't even get to meet my father and when I heard he passed away, I cried for hours for the loss of his life.

"Why… why didn't you tell me any of this sooner?" I snap, angrily as my hands begin to shake.

"To be honest, I was a coward."

"Wow, I didn't expect that to be your answer."

"I know, I come off like I have everything going for me, Bella, but after your dad died, I fell apart completely. It took a long time for me to get myself back together and facing you every day, the spitting image of your father, just made it harder. I wanted to tell you when I was ready, but I was never ready. I was never able to just spit out the words that you needed to hear without feeling like I was about to fall apart all over again."

I keep the video rolling as I move over to the couch and wrap Renee in a tight hug. "I know I was a shitty mother, and an even worse older sister," Renee chuckles lightly. "But, I really did try. You turned out so much better than I could have ever imagined."

"You can probably thank Alice and her parents for that," I offer as I bump her shoulder with mine, while we remain entangled.

"I have, repeatedly. I'm guessing you've never seen Mrs. Brandon's office huh? They have several Renee Swan originals. I know it's not worth much, but they were great friends and substitute parents for you. Though, I see they never taught Alice how to clean." Renee holds up a pair of Alice's short shorts with the word 'juicy' written across the butt and I have to stifle a laugh.

"Oh… when did you change your name?" I question, reminded after Renee mentions her full name. "When did you change it to Swan?"

"Not long before your father was due to ship out, we got a marriage license and planned to do the ol' go to City Hall and get hitched thing. We just wanted to be married. I got sick and had to stay in the hospital, so that got sidelined, but we said vows to each other in my hospital room. Right after he left, I went to City Hall and had my name changed. I already felt married to your father, even if we weren't legally bound."

"It's kind of romantic," I offer as I rest my head on Renee's shoulder. "And for the record, you weren't the worst mom ever. Sure, there were things you could have done better… like not call me your sister in front of your boy toys, but you tried your best."

"Thanks." Renee squeezes me tightly and I feel like the weight of this stress has literally been lifted off my shoulders. I stand up to turn off my video camera and fetch me and Renee each a glass of water. Sure, we aren't perfect by any means, and it will probably take us a while to rebuild our relationship, but at least now I have the answers I've been looking for. "So, how can you bear living here?"

"Oh well… it's a bit small…"

"A bit small? My closet is bigger than this entire apartment," Renee interrupts as I nod my head in agreement. "I can't imagine it's easy for you and Alice to live here together."

"Our schedules don't really mesh, so I see her only sporadically. However, I am going in a few days to sign a roommate agreement. I'm moving into an apartment in the East Village." I tell Renee all about the apartment and Rosalie, and she seems proud that I am striking out on my own. I'm even more floored by the next thing out of her mouth though.

"I have been paying for a storage locker in our building, separate from our regular locker, and it houses all your dad's old furniture. I couldn't throw it away, but I couldn't do anything with it either. I should have given it to charity a long time ago," Renee mentions as my mouth literally hangs open. "You probably want to go and buy some new shit from Pottery Barn or something, but if you are interested, you can go and see if there is anything you can use. I'm pretty sure there is a bed, dresser, dining room table, desk, nightstand and god knows what else."

"Wow, thanks," I offer with a grin. So much for my shopping excursion to Ikea. If I can save several hundred bucks by using Charlie's old stuff, it would make my life so much easier. "Is it okay if I stop in early next week to check it out?"

"Of course, you don't even have to ask."

"Thanks, mom." Renee's face literally lights up at the mere mention of the name Mom, something I haven't called her since I was in elementary school. Maybe we can fix us after all.

**The winners of the Going For The Gold Contest have been announced, so make sure you check out the profile to read your favs. What have I been reading lately? Hmm... I'm starting the entries for the Season of Our Discontent contest, for which I am a judge. Bring on the angst! **


	24. Chapter 24

**Hola! I'm back with yet another installment for you guys! Huge thanks to MaggieMay14 for her beta work, Risbee and Acinad816 for their pre-reading skills and to you for reading.**

**As per usual, I don't own Twilight; I do have a big stash of Halloween candy in my desk at work though. Don't worry, I didn't pilfer it from my kid, we had leftovers.**

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"Oomph," Emmett declares as he drops a box onto the floor in my new bedroom. I feel like Mary Tyler Moore, wanting to turn around and toss my hat into the air in celebration. I have my own bedroom, in an apartment that I share with Rosalie Hale. Things are certainly moving in the right direction for me.

"Thanks Em," I say sweetly as he rolls his eyes at me and wipes his brow. Over the past few days I have gotten to know Emmett a little bit better, and I have to admit, he's pretty awesome. He even came along with me and Alice to Ikea on Friday and helped me pick out drapes, throw pillows and some candles. I only ended up spending eighty dollars, but between him and Alice, I think I have discovered that I have a sense of style – hobo chic.

"Good thing my brother loves you or I wouldn't even think about helping out. I have better things to do with my day off," Emmett complains with a smile as Rosalie joins us and stands by the bedroom door, surveying the mess I've made. I don't even want to get into talking about how he thinks his brother loves me. We aren't even close to having that discussion yet.

"Like getting your knob polished by some big brut?" Rosalie asks as Emmett offers her a big smile.

"Among other things, yes." They both laugh and I'm relieved by their easy rapport. Not that we spend a lot of time with Emmett, but he's still my boyfriend's brother and he will be a part of my life… hopefully for a while. Edward comes in a moment later carrying the last box of Charlie's stuff we retrieved from the storage space, and it's with a huge sigh of relief that he sits down.

"That's the last of it." I scan the room and though everything is technically moved in, there is still tons to do. The bed has to be put together, the new mattress and box spring, which were moving gifts from Renee, are due to be delivered in a few hours, and I have to put everything away. Though I know it doesn't all have to be done right away, I have hated living in limbo these past few weeks and can't wait to get settled.

Emmett and Rosalie head into the living room to order pizza and fetch themselves a beer, insisting that it's 5 o'clock somewhere in the world, leaving Edward and I to frown at the madness.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" I question as Edward nods softly, as he extends his arms out for me and I step forward, easily letting myself be surrounded by him.

"Well, getting that shit out of the basement of Renee's building and into mom's van was no easy feat, but it's done. Also, did you have to pick a building without an elevator? I think you are trying to kill me."

"No way," I reply, as I sit down on his knee and kiss him softly. "There's things I want to do that won't any fun if you are dead. I'm not into necrophilia, ya know."

"Wow, there's a topic I don't want to discuss," Edward laughs as he kisses me back and we hear Emmett give a whistle of approval from the living room. "I think your roommate and my brother are going to hit it off."

"Too bad she doesn't have a penis; she might have been his soul mate." Edward and I can't help but laugh. However, when Rosalie comes in a moment later, clutching her hot pink toolbox for us to put the bed together, we both fall silent and simply grin madly at her.

"What?" she questions, with concern clear on her face.

"Nothing," Edward and I both reply at the same time as Rosalie huffs and then hands Edward her toolbox and walks back out, causing us to break out into a laugh.

"Overdramatic too, just like Emmett."

"Oh joy!" I reply sarcastically as Emmett calls in to us that he ordered three pizzas for lunch and casually mentions how the meat one is for him. I can't help but break out into laughter at the mention of meat and though I feel like a child for laughing at such stupid innuendo, at least Edward is laughing along with me.

With a lot of cursing, and Edward managing to get a black and blue finger, we get Charlie's old double bed put together. Sure, it's small, but it was free. Plus, if Edward does sleep over, it just means we have to be curled up close together. There are bonuses to this tiny bed.

Shortly after pizza arrives, so do the delivery guys with my new mattress. They get everything setup and take away the packaging, so we offer them each a slice of pizza for their trouble. Edward and I both catch Emmett flirting unabashedly with the tall muscled delivery guy named Paul, and I think they even exchange numbers. Rosalie gives him a high five after the men leave and I can't help the smile that crosses my face. They are definitely going to be good friends, and this gives me the warm fuzzies. Now, I want to slap myself for saying 'warm fuzzies'; I am definitely spending too much time with Alice if that phrase is in my spectrum.

Four hours later, I've tackled a hell of a lot of things in my room. Edward helped me build some bookshelves to house all of my crap, and he hung my drapes and some framed movie posters I had left at Renee's. My clothes are in the closet or dresser, my bed is made with my new throw pillows on it, and I feel like I have my own, unique space.

"Hey, did you see this box?" Edward questions as he sits on my bed, going through a box from Charlie's storage locker. I tentatively make my way towards him, a little anxious about the unknown box. I found one earlier filled with books, which was the super heavy box Emmett schlepped up the stairs early, and was somewhat surprised to find a bunch of really good books including some from Hunter S. Thompson, Stephen King, Ken Follett and even James Michener. I shelved them all and promised myself I would read them, just because Charlie had.

"What's in it?" I ask, my voice tentative, as I sit on the bed across from Edward and hug a pillow to my chest.

"Papers, photos, and some junk that we can probably throw out…I did find this though." Edward hands me some folded pieces of paper and when I open it up, I'm taken by surprise. "It's a life insurance policy. It looks like it was paid in full and if I'm not mistaken; Renee Clarke is listed as the beneficiary."

"What should I do with this?" I ask, uncertain. This was done back in 1990. Its twenty two years later. What are the chances it's worth anything? Probably slim to none, right?

"Why don't you ask Renee to look into it? It's not like you can do anything since you aren't listed on it anywhere. That insurance company is still in business, so it shouldn't be too hard to figure it all out." I climb across the bed and curl up next to Edward, my head resting on his shoulder. "It could be nothing, but it could be something. I can't hurt to inquire."

"Thanks," I reply simply as I thread my fingers through Edward's.

"For what?"

"For just being you."

Three weeks later, I'm on my way to meet Renee at her financial planners' office on Madison Avenue. Edward and I met up with Renee the very next night after my shift at the diner and when we showed her the insurance policy we had discovered, she was shocked, to say the least. She took the documents and promised to look into it for me, and then the three of us had a nice dinner together. That was the other part that shocked me.

Renee was cordial and seemed fully interested in what Edward did for a living. She never once tried to flirt with him, and when I left the table to go to the bathroom, he swore she didn't pull any moves on him. Perhaps I wasn't the only person changing for the better in the Swan family?

It's just before 11 o'clock and I'm pacing outside the building, waiting to meet Renee. When she arrives, we go together up to the fourteenth floor and are treated like royalty from the moment we walk into the office. Apparently, Renee has a ton of money invested with these people and they seem to really love her.

Alistair, Renee's planner, is a polished looking man in his early 50's and is pretty handsome if you ask me. He flirts easily with her and comments on how much we look like sisters, which makes Renee blush. In fact, if I am not mistaken, I think these two might like each other, but I refuse to intervene. I smile through the awkwardness of their flirting and wait patiently until we get down to the heart of the matter.

"So, Renee and Isabella," Alistair begins before I interrupt to allow him to call me Bella. "Well, I looked into matters on this policy and I have to say, I was rather surprised. George and Elaine Swan, Charles's parents, paid in full for the policy shortly before he was deployed. Unfortunately, since both George and Elaine have passed away, I was unable to get the specifics and motives regarding the policy."

"What about the broker who sold them the policy?" Renee asks, surprising me with her knowledge of the insurance world.

"Well, he retired several years ago, so we were kind of left in the dark regarding the purpose of the policy. The insurance company did inform me that the policy is still active and currently has a value of $85,000, give or take a few dollars in interest."

"Wow, that is more than I was expecting," I reply dumbly. I don't know what I was thinking, but I truly hadn't given much thought to the value of the account. Hell, if I was being honest, I thought he was going to tell me that it was worthless. I was prepared for that, but not this.

"Alistair, let's draw up the papers to request the withdrawal of the funds and the cancellation of the policy. Do you still have the copy of Charlie's death certificate I provided you with years earlier?" Al, as I will now call him since it sounds less snobbish, nods his head and I let out a small sigh. Even this guy knew my dad was dead, while I was left in the dark. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, desperate to let go of my frustration over this. It's over and done with, and I need to move on. "Provide them with the proof of his death and have them issue a check to Isabella Swan for the proceeds."

"Um what?" I ask, as I do a double-take. "He left this money for you."

"No, he left me as the beneficiary. I think after all this time, Charlie would probably prefer to see this money be provided to his only daughter," Renee states firmly, and I find myself fighting back the urge to hug my mother. "Bella, believe me when I tell you this, $85,000 is chump change to me. My art has been selling well for the past twenty years and I have a tidy little sum set aside for my future. I don't need this money."

"But…but…" I stammer as Renee's hand covers mine as I grip the arm of the chair I'm sitting in for dear life.

"No buts. You have struggled lately with money, and I think it's about time you did something just for you. Quit the diner and go make those movies you've always wanted to make. Hell, finish your little documentary about your dad. This money can make it happen, Bella."

I sit, frozen to the seat, as Renee and Al hammer out the specifics of cashing out the proceeds of the policy. Renee is right; with this money I can quit the diner and focus my attentions solely on completing the movie. I can finish my research, upgrade my editing software and even finance some promotional materials to get my name out there. This is a huge blessing for my career. In fact, huge doesn't even begin to cover it.

As the meeting ends, Al tells me to email him a copy of a void check so that he can have the funds from the insurance company direct deposited into my bank account. I nod dumbly and shake his hand before making my way out the door. I notice Renee pause behind me and if I am not mistaken, Al is inviting her out to drinks. She is smiling like I haven't seen in ages, so I can't stop but smile myself. When we get in the elevator, I ask her if she is going out with him and she gives me a simple 'yes'.

"Good. He's a lot better suited to you than Garrett ever was."

"Yeah, I think he might be too."

As we leave the building, Renee heads over to Central Park to meet Didyme at the Boathouse for lunch, but not before giving me a big hug and telling me she is proud of me. I watch as she leaves, before I dig my cell phone out of my purse and call Edward. He's getting ready for the lunchtime rush, but when I tell him my news, he is over the moon excited for me. We agree to meet for dinner at his apartment around six, and then I call Alice to give her the good news.

Alice is even more excited than Edward and I combined, and when she invites me to have lunch with her, I can't say no. We decide to meet around 1 at Bubby's, which has the best macaroni and cheese, though I would never tell that to Esme or Edward, and when I step out of the subway, I feel like a new life has been awakened in me.

It's then that I see a flyer for the TriBeCa Film Festival, which is accepting entries until the end of November, and I know with certainty that I need to finish my movie and I only have a few months in which to do it.

**Who wants a story rec? Recently, I caught up on Cursive by Phoebe44 and it's awesome! I am dying for an update for Inside Man and Adore,Adore by ooza and one for The Affair by johnnyboy7. Go read & review people!**


	25. Chapter 25

**This is the last official chapter for this story. Can you believe it? The epilogue should follow in a week or two, depending on how fast I can get it finished. Huge thanks to MaggieMay14 for her beta work, Risbee and Acinad816 for pre-reading. They are superstars. I hope this is worth the wait.**

**I don't own Twilight. I do have to go make tuna casserole for dinner.**

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Did you know that fall in Washington D.C. is remarkably beautiful? The colors surrounding the capitol are vibrant shades of red, orange and yellow. It's breathtaking, as is the man standing right beside me, clutching my new camera bag and smiling from ear to ear. Edward and I arrived in the city a few days earlier, and I spent some time at the Library of Congress doing research, while he visited a friend from culinary school.

It's October 10th, and I have just over one month to finish my documentary and get it submitted to the film festival, but the more I edited it, the more I felt like was missing something. Oddly enough, it was Renee who gave me the name of Charlie's former Sergeant and suggested I contact him to get more details on Charlie's life during the war. Thanks to the internet and a little digging, I found out that Sergeant Felix Thompson lived McLean, Virginia and after speaking to him on the phone, he was more than willing to help me out. We just needed to get to him in order to make it happen.

I know it will be a huge benefit to my movie, and as we wait for Felix on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, I have a feeling this is going to be the piece I am missing.

"Do you know what you are going to call the movie yet?" Edward asks, trying to take my mind off of meeting this man who knew my father. Yeah, I am nervous about it, but I also know it could make or break the movie.

"Well, you know I think all the best movie titles have been taken," I laugh as Edward rolls his eyes.

During our five hour drive from the city to Washington, we discussed the worst movie names we could remember. "Since Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium and The Men Who Stare at Goats have been taken, I was trying to find a way to work in Charlie's name. I liked Charlie's War at first, but it reminded me of that Tom Hanks movie, Charlie Wilson's War. I need something more unique."

"Like Freddie Got Fingered?"

"Um no… not quiet that unique," I laugh just as I feel a tap on my shoulder.

"Bella Swan?" asks the older gentleman, who is clearly in his early 60's. His hair is graying slightly on the sides, and but he looks to be in great shape. He's dressed in a light fall jacket with a pair of casual pants, and I find myself a little disappointed he didn't wear his Army fatigues. "I'm Sergeant Felix Thompson." I take his extended hand and shake it anxiously as he looks over at Edward with a grin.

"It's wonderful to meet you, Sergeant. I can't thank you enough for agreeing to meet with me and be in my little documentary. This is my boyfriend Edward; he will be doing the camera work today." I try to get myself in a good frame of mind to begin my interview, as the men exchange pleasantries and the Sergeant informs us to simply call him Felix. We agree to a spot at the memorial that has a good view of Lincoln in the background and as Felix gets comfortable and Edward sets up, I fish my questions out of the camera bag and try to psyche myself up.

For the next sixty minutes, I fire every question I can imagine at Felix, asking him about how he met my father, what his first impressions were and what he liked most about him. As he explained in detail what he knew about Charlie, I began to piece together the picture of a man who loved his family more than anything, and felt like he would never be enough for them. Felix told us about how Charlie had told him in depth one night that when he got back to New York, he was going to try and become a police officer.

Felix goes on and on about how guilty Charlie felt for being away from me when I was an infant, and how his guilt grew worse when he found out how bad things had gotten for Renee. When Felix began talking about the terrorist attack that ended Charlie's life, it was considerably harder for me to take. I even had to take a few breaks to compose myself so that I could continue on. I guess I hadn't really considered how taxing this would be on me as we did this.

Thankfully, Felix is very compassionate towards me and lets me take my time, but the more he talks, the more questions I have. He fills in a lot of the holes left by Esme and Carlisle in regards to the attack. Felix explained to me how 28 American soldiers lost their life in the attack, including Charlie, and that most of them were from the 14th Quartermaster Detachment out of Greensburg, Pennsylvania. Charlie wasn't even supposed to be in Saudi Arabia, but at the last minute his detachment was reassigned there.

Charlie was basically at the wrong place at the wrong time, and if things had been a little different, or someone had just told his unit to stay put, things would be drastically different now. I could have had a somewhat normal childhood when Charlie came home from the war. He and Renee could have picked up where they left off and rekindled their romance. Hell, we might even have lived out in the suburbs in White Plains or something, and had a very different life.

As I look to my right and see Edward there, taping every moment, I realize that you just have to play the hand life has dealt you.

If Charlie had lived, I may never have met Edward, or I may have met him sooner, like as teens, and hated his guts. I may never have discovered my love of movies or my preference for Esme's chicken fingers. Alice may not be such a force in my life and I could be someone else completely.

However, things happened in a particular way and I need to be thankful for who, and what, I have in my life.

It's not two minutes later that I thank Felix for his time and have Edward turn off the camera. We stash everything away and I promise to keep in touch with Felix and let him know how the documentary turns out, before I spirit Edward away. After being together for over 3 months, and spending so much time doing this documentary, I realize that I can't live in the past anymore.

I also, can't wait any longer for the next phase of my life to begin.

Even though we are only staying in Washington for three days, Edward and I decided to splurge and reserved a really swanky suite at the Mandarin Oriental. From our room we have a view of the National Mall and the Tidal Basin, and now that my research and video is done, it feels like a mini-vacation. And by mini, I mean we are have only one more night after tonight.

"Do you want to go out or order in some room service?" Edward shouts from the main room as I stare into my luggage and see the frilly and rather see through nightgown I've brought, with some encouragement from Alice, of course. It's a little on the romantic side, but I was hoping this trip would culminate in us finally having sex. After my little realization earlier today about finally moving forward, I know I want to be with Edward for as long as he'll have me, but I need to make sure he feels the same.

"How about we order in?" I reply as I shove the lingerie to the bottom of my bag and head to join him. We skim through the menu together, my heart seeming to pound in my chest, and when I look over at Edward, I can't help but blush.

How on earth did I get so lucky as to have found this man? Well, I guess he kinda found me, but whatever. He's been great through everything I've gone through. From dealing with Renee, moving out on my own, the little hiccup that was Marcus and of course, the death of my father, Edward has been the most supportive man ever.

"Do you know what you want?" Edward questions simply as I can't help but lick my lips. Oh, I know alright, but it's not on the menu. Of course, I can't say that. I'm far too nervous about all of this. I point to a random item on the menu, not even caring what it is, and Edward picks up the phone and calls down to place our order.

I begin pacing around the room, glancing every so often at my luggage, as Edward confirms our order and what we want to drink. As if someone above is watching out for me, Edward informs me that they are swamped in the kitchen and it will take over an hour to get our meal. This doesn't bother me in the least, as I suddenly have things I want to do; like my boyfriend.

As Edward cleans up a few things in the main room, I dart off to the bathroom and quickly change into my nightgown after grabbing it out of my luggage. I want to feel self-conscious, but I know Edward appreciates my body, so I stand up a little straighter after I adjust the small scrap of fabric that this outfit calls underwear. I mean, just because we haven't actually had sex, doesn't mean we've been celibate either. We've hardly been able to keep our hands or mouths to ourselves when we get any tiny bit of alone time and we've had fun… but I'm ready to step it up a notch.

However, when I step out of the bathroom, I'm immediately frozen.

There are dozens of candles lit all over the bedroom and Edward is standing there with a sheepish grin on his face. Then he quickly does a double-take as he takes in my outfit and bare skin.

"I guess we both had the same idea," he grins as he holds out his hand to me and I walk towards him anxiously, trying to will away my unnecessary nerves. When my fingers entwine into his, Edward turns me around like a princess and stares hungrily at me. "This is quite the outfit."

"What, this old thing?" I ask, trying to bring a little humor into the situation, which I always do when I am nervous. Yeah, I know its Edward, and I want this more than anything, but it's still been a while for me.

I let him lead me over to the bed, my skin now tingling with anticipation, as I watch with baited breath as Edward sits down on the edge, his hands moving deftly along the skin of my legs. "I don't think this thing is old at all," he murmurs softly.

His hands ghost along the inner edge of my thigh, so close to where I want him, and when I look down, I can tell he's just as excited as I am. His jeans are tighter, his bottom lip is clasped between his teeth, and he just looks… like he wants me more than anything in the world. It may boost my confidence a bit.

"Okay, so maybe I bought it last weekend under the guise of trying to seduce you," I reply, trying to play it cool, though I feel anything but. Each stroke of his fingers against my skin is making me hot.

"I know; I've been a bit… hard to get."

"Totally worth the wait," I reply easily as Edward's hands reach up to grip the sides of my face, pulling me down to him in a searing kiss. Within seconds, Edward leans back and I am pulled onto him, straddling his waist as our kisses grow frantic and needy. His hands move everywhere with purpose, leaving no inch of skin untouched, before he pulls down one side of my negligee and begins to suck on my nipple. I close my eyes and groan rather loudly at the sensation.

"Do you know how hard it has been to resist you?" Edward mutters as he pulls away from one breast, his hands kneading them gently, as he pulls down the other side of my nightie and sets to work once more on making me moan. I rock my hips slowly against his straining cock and wish more than anything that he was naked and inside me. "Soon enough, beautiful."

Shit, did I say that out loud?

When Edward pauses to get comfortable, I reach down and pull the silk from my skin, throwing it across the room. I roll off of him and onto my back as he grins madly. "You know you can't get away, right?"

"Oh, I don't want to," I urge as I grab his face and pull him down to me for another kiss. His tongue traces mine, as my hands reach down and fumble with the buttons of his jeans. Edward stills my hands and grins salaciously as he stands up and begins to peel his clothes away, draping them over a nearby chair before he climbs back onto the bed and kneels between my open legs.

"You are the most exquisite creature ever," he sighs as his hands move slowly up my inner thighs, tracing gentle circles over the wet silk of my panties, before he pulls them off of me. He's torturing me, I'm sure of it. "I think you deserve a reward for being so patient with me."

"You're not my reward?" I ask, gulping anxiously as Edward kisses my lips, and then kisses a path down my body, his hands practically teasing my skin.

"No, I'm not," Edward utters confidently before he bends his head forward, burying himself between my thighs, as he begins a straight out assault on my senses.

My hands cannot touch him enough; his skin, his hair, his face. My sense of smell is filled with him and all I can say is incoherent babble as Edward literally tongue fucks me into oblivion. Looking down at him as he pleases me more than I could ever say is the sexiest thing ever. Edward is focused, hungry and downright sinful. It's beyond anything we have ever shared before and when I clamp my legs tightly around his head and scream out in release, I struggle to catch my breath.

"That was…" I force out as Edward climbs over me, looking smug and a little dreamy, to be honest.

"Just the beginning," he replies as his lips press hard against mine, opening me up, as I taste myself on his tongue. We're sweet, sexy and almost addictive together.

I feel Edward's hands grip my hips as he pulls me against him, his lips moving down the column of my neck, sucking gently. I watch with eager anticipation as Edward braces himself above me with one hand and grasps his cock firmly as he enters me slowly. I suck in a deep breath and let out a long groan when he's fully buried inside me. He's snug, like we were always meant to fit together, and the moment Edward begins to move inside of me, my cries of pleasure get louder.

"Holy sweet mother of…" Edward growls as he pushes inside me once more and I can't help but notice the deep look of concentration and dare I say, love, on his face. Instinctively, I close my eyes and let the sensation overtake me. I wrap my legs around his waist and press down against his ass with my heels, urging him deeper and harder. I just want more.

I will never get enough of this man.

Our breathing is labored, matching like our hearts on our sleeves, as Edward loves me. He cherishes every inch of me, his body filling mine in the most exquisite way. I meet his movements, thrust for thrust, and when I finally fall off the edge, his fingers are deftly teasing my clit, making me scream out. Edward follows mere moments later, a huge sated smile on his face as he kisses his way across my sweat-covered chest.

"That was…"

"A long time coming?" I quip, as I realize my double-entre. "Yeah, that too."

"You are just…"

"I'm…?" I question, as I notice Edward seems to be having trouble forming words. "Am I so good that you can't think straight?"

"Shut up. I was trying to think of a way to tell you that I love you without it coming off as lame cause I did it after we had sex." I'm a little shocked if I am being honest. I wasn't expecting that response.

He loves me.

Then again, I already knew I loved him. I couldn't picture my life without him in it, and I know my world is a brighter place with him by my side. There's no reason not to just… jump in.

"I love you too, Edward," I admit easily as I roll over and kiss his chest, right above his heart. "I love you so much."

**Need something new to read? I've been hooked on Barefoot in Texas by planetblue. Sure, Edward is a republican, but I can't hold that against him... yet. Just kidding. I'm also enjoying The Little Pink House by staceleo. And, if you like what I write, I'm doing a new story called 'The Life Aquatic' featuring a teenage-dadward who takes swimming lessons with his son :) Also, don't forget to read the entries in the Season of Our Discontent contest. Look them upon under Season of Our Discontent or on twitter as TwiAngstContest.**


	26. Chapter 26

**I wanted to have this done sooner, but sometimes life, and new stories, get in the way. As always, a huge thanks to MaggieMay14 for her beta work, Risbee & Acinad816 are superb pre-readers and I adore them.  
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**I don't own Twilight. I am about to go to bed. Enjoy!  
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It's summer now, and I'm lying on a blanket at Tompkins Square Park, a few blocks from my apartment building, thoroughly enjoying the sun. It's the first time in months that I have nothing to do and it feels _great_. My life has been in a tailspin ever since I submitted my documentary for the Tribeca Film Festival at the end of October.

Unfortunately for Edward, I spent the first few weeks after sending in my submission, over-thinking and analyzing everything. I thought the editing was tight, and the final version made Renee cry, which I figured was a good thing, but I was anxious anyways. This was my first film; my baby, so to speak. I had rushed my way through it in the end and I just couldn't help but feel like it was not my best work. Edward faced the brunt of my anxiety and regardless of how much he tried to reassure me, I was a bitch about it, and it resulted in our first fight.

We didn't speak for almost a week.

I bit the bullet and showed up at his apartment late one night crying my eyes out because I couldn't handle the stress of everything. Once again, because he's awesome like that, Edward reassured me that my fears were completely unfounded. Not that our friends and family knew anything about film, but everyone who watched the final edit of the documentary loved it. Edward reminded me of this before he pulled me into his bedroom to make love to me, making me forget why we were fighting in the first place.

Christmas and New Year's passed with no major drama. Alice broke up with Jasper shortly before Thanksgiving, and no one was particularly heartbroken. Well, unless you count Jasper who was apparently completely blindsided. Alice kept herself busy by opting to go back to school full-time, like her parents wanted, and bar-hopping with Rosalie. In hindsight, Alice would have made a much better roommate for Rosalie, but it was nice that the two of them got along so well. Our girls nights were awesome, to say the least.

After the film was submitted, I got bored rather easily, so I worked part-time at the diner again, and some days I even helped Edward on the food truck. I had been steadily dropping hints since we returned from Washington that he should open a restaurant and even offered to help finance it with some of the money left over from my dad's insurance policy, but it seemed like Edward was never listening.

That was until Valentines' rolled around and Edward took me to an abandoned store front close to NYU. Inside, Emmett was dressed as a waiter and he seated us at the lone table in the bare room, which had candlelight and very fancy cutlery.

"_What in the hell is going on?" I asked, as confused as fuck, as I took a seat in the chair Emmett held out for me. _

"_It's Valentine's Day. Can't I do something nice for my girl?" Edward questioned as I surveyed the room once more and gave him a halfhearted smile._

"_You already got me a bracelet, made me breakfast in bed and um… rocked my world, all before nine a.m., so tell me… what's going on?" Yes, Edward was romantic at heart, and this could have been a grand gesture to sweep me off my feet even more, not that it was needed, but something just felt off._

_Edward glanced up at Emmett, who placed a menu in front of each of us, and when I looked down, I was shocked. Like, choking on air and trying not to cry, shocked. It read 'Cullen Bros' Grill'. I flipped it open and there was a menu, not unlike what they served currently on the food truck, but it was all fancier and with side dishes and shit. It looked awesome._

"_Emmett and I bought this place a few weeks ago," Edward said with a grin so huge you would have thought I had just given him a blow job or something. "My parents helped, as silent investors, but we'll be renovating over the next month and a half, with an expected opening date of mid-April. What do you think?"_

_Edward's happiness was contagious and I couldn't help but jump onto his lap and wrap myself around him for a huge hug. "I thought you weren't listening when I was dropping hints," I admitted sheepishly. _

"_I actually began to think of it a bit more seriously after you submitted your film. I figured if you could follow your dreams, so should I." I kissed Edward firmly against his lips and tightened his hold on me and began kissing the hell out of me, until Emmett cleared his throat behind us._

"_Are you ready to order?"_

"_Do you think you can give us some privacy?" I asked as I moved my hand against Edward's chest, hopefully making it obvious to Emmett that I really wanted some private time with my man._

"_Um no… this is a family restaurant. I won't let you two hooligans defile it," Emmett laughed as I rolled my eyes._

"_It's an empty space actually…"_

"_Regardless, it will be a restaurant soon and there is no way I will allow you to sully it with your sex."_

"_Fuck off, Emmett," Edward declared as Emmett's boyfriend, Paul, yes… Paul the mover, walked out from the back of the space with some drinks for us. He set them down and then winked salaciously at Emmett as he silently made his way to the back. The wink was caught by Edward, too. "Oh, so you two want to break-in the place too, huh?" Edward laughed as Emmett pretended to seem shocked. "First rule of Cullen Bros'… no fucking in the restaurant."_

Thankfully, that rule didn't last long and in early March when I went to visit Edward while he was working late in the restaurant, trying to get it ready, we fucked like rabbits on a desk in the back office. There were papers and blueprints all over the floor and my hands were clutching tightly to the back edge of the desk as Edward had me bent over while he fucked me good and deep. I was moaning and about to cum when my phone vibrated on the desktop and I looked to see a new email from the film festival.

"_Oh my god, oh my god," I panted in both excitement and pleasure as Edward gripped my hips harder and continued on. "Edward… no… baby…"_

"_What's wrong?" Edward asked as he stilled behind me and I held up my phone for him. His eyes went wide and he looked both frustrated that he was buried inside me, and we weren't fucking, and eager to open the email. "Just do it."_

"_Thanks, Nike." _

_Anxiously, I opened the email and was thrilled to see that my movie was confirmed as an entry for the film festival. I turned around and literally jumped onto Edward, thrilled that I was going to be in the festival. Needless to say, the phone was ignored a little while longer, while Edward slipped inside me and continued to have his wicked way with me on his desk._

In April, things took a turn for the wild. Edward's restaurant opened on April 1st to rave reviews. Though we knew it was tough to keep a restaurant afloat in the current economy, Edward and Emmett busted their asses to get everything done and make the restaurant thrive.

The food truck was still in commission, with Emmett still behind the wheel and a new chef, Brady, at the stovetop. Edward had trained Brady himself and though he was due to become the head chef at the restaurant, Emmett convinced him to put Brady in the truck. Edward then trained Paul, Emmett's mover boyfriend who had just finished culinary school, to be his sous-chef. They all worked well together and because the food truck was still drawing crowds, they were able to tell them about the restaurant too, which helped the restaurant draw crowds.

The third week in April brought me and Edward out to the Film Festival. My film was shown on a Sunday night to glowing reviews and I really couldn't believe it. Even when I won the prize for best documentary director, I was floored. Then, when IFC Films picked up the rights to the movie for another tidy sum and began negotiations for another documentary series on veterans that I was trying to see, I still couldn't understand what the hell was becoming of my life.

Of course now, as I wait for Edward to join me, I know that my life has become exactly what I wanted.

_I'm a filmmaker. _

Sure, I'm not Sofia Coppola or Steven Spielberg, but I'm on my way. Even if become the next Lena Dunham, I'll be thrilled. Without the book deal though, I have no idea what I would write about.

_I'm a best friend._

Alice and Rosalie have truly become the sisters I've always wished I had, and I wouldn't trade them for anything, except maybe a really awesome editing system, but probably not even then.

_I'm a daughter; not a sister._

Renee and I have repaired our relationship more than I ever thought we could. She's still dating Alistair and he's been a really calming influence, something I never thought possible. We have dinner together every other Friday night at Cullen Bros' Grill, and sometimes Edward or Alistair join us, but most of the time it's just us shooting the shit and trying to figure out our lives. She was so proud of me when my documentary won that she gave Edward and I a vacation to France for a week. We haven't gone yet, but we're making plans.

_I'm also about to be a wife. _

Sure enough, I see a familiar mop of bronze hair approach me. He's dressed like perfection in a crisp grey linen suit and a crooked smile. When he sees me in my white, knee length silk and Chantilly lace dress, I know I've made the right decision.

"You look…."

"Nervous?" I question, because yeah, I am filled with anxiety. Though we love our family and friends, neither of us wanted some big wedding. Instead, we're getting hitched at City Hall and honeymooning in France. Thanks, Renee! When we get back, we're having a dinner for everyone at the restaurant to share our news.

"You look beautiful," Edward remarks simply, as he grabs the blanket I was sitting on and tosses it over his arm. "Are you ready for this?"

I grasp his hand firmly in mine and follow his eyes to where the cab is waiting to take us downtown. It's been a crazy year and if anyone had asked me last year when I graduated from college if I thought I would be a sought after documentary filmmaker, I would have bet them a million dollars that it would never happen. I'm glad I never had the chance to make that foolish bet.

Then again, if someone had asked me a year ago my feelings on getting married, I would have said I was ambivalent. Then I met Edward and he completely swept me off my feet. I'm ready to start this next phase of my life with him.

"Yeah. I've never been more ready. I love you."

"I love you more, soon to be Mrs. Isabella Cullen."

**For the record, yes this is the epilogue. I do have an EPOV of their first meeting to post in a few days that I wrote for a fandom charity. **

**Need something to read? Check out 'In Your Room' by LayAtHomeMom. She rocks the cowbell like nobody's business. Or, you can read 'Barefoot in Texas' by planetblue. She has one hell of a quirky Bella, which is saying alot cause I co-wrote a quirky, dog walking Bella who dressed like the Gorton's Fisherman in Maybe I'm Falling For You.  
**

**Oh, and don't forget to check out the entries in the Season Of Our Discontent contest. One entry made me cry. I won't say which, I'm still judging. Go read them!  
**

**Thanks again for all your lovely, sweet and far too kind reviews. Oh... and go read 'The Gap' by capitalab :)  
**

**Signing off now! Thanks for reading.  
**


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